"Card Dreamer Is Now Online"
I suppose I can start with some things with work. Well, one thing. Monica is gone. This past Thursday was her last day (she got a job in the profession she wanted, so she moved on).
Obviously, I don’t fault her for it. She’s doing her dream job and I’m happy for her.
But I miss her!
I know I know, such foolishness that will undoubtedly earn me the temporary anger of Mizd_1, but none the less. I enjoyed the playfulness, the friendship, and just the all around company and presence of her.
With her leaving will unfortunately come the end of any real contact with her except perhaps the short phone call here and there. Not that I really want that, or she, but her current schedule, between work, collage and what little time she has with her boyfriend, leaves any outside social life almost non existent.
It affects me because of everything I’ve said her (and a lot more I haven’t). It’s made me think of my life, past loves, likes, crushes, and ultimately where my life will end up in such areas. I’ve been wondering where this falls into it all, what my current “world” would be like if I were to take another walk in it (see 3 entries in “Memories” for reference point).
I know what I felt for her was something strong and deep. And I know I’ve said the same about others (both mentioned and not mentioned in this LiveJournal, but most in my handwritten one). Some that I’ve claimed to love then, I know now wasn’t quite so. Rebekah Andersen, Corina, even Sarah Novak. Rebekah I can’t even explain to myself, let alone anyone else. Corina was a crush, plain and simple. And Sarah…well, she had that potential had something happened. She could have been the real deal (as in, I could have grown into love EASILY) had anything been able to happen. Suffice it to say, I cared about her greatly, but it never did reach the point of Laurie.
(I should note here that Laurie is the basis and level in which all other emotions get held to, be it fair or not, she always has been my standard).
So, how then do I rank anyone else is Laurie was the crescendo? Where in this would I rank Monica?
Right now, I’d have to rank her with Sarah in the level of what she’ll always be to me, and how I’ll think about her. Like Sarah, she’ll end up being someone I will remember on the whim, sparse but fond memories always bring back the sense of joy the gave me when I was around them. And I’ll always let out that mental sigh, happy for those moments with really and strangely, no regrets.
I think I find that oddest of all, in that Laurie was the ONE real love in my life. And there was so much regret and hurt there. None of it intentional, yet all of it seemingly unavoidable.
Yet those who didn’t quite measure up, are nothing but fond memories. They always treated me kindly and warmly.
I REALLY wish I knew what to make of that…
I guess all of this was just to say she was something special to me, especially at this point in my life. I’ll miss her more than I’ll let on, and more than she’ll certainly know.
And now that the mushy is done and over with…
I haven’t been up to too much lately. Work is still work.
I have been playing a lot of Xbox Live. Mostly Crackdown with my brother and we’ve been having a LOT of fun doing it. I am doing very well on the Achievements too. I have 40 of 50 (80%) of them accomplished on the game. 2 more seem on the horizon, with others not too far off.
Another game (that we started with last night) is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Arcade Game (from 1989). We both downloaded it last night (and this is after some heavy contemplation on my part, since I know it’s on the TMNT game I have on Gamecube). I have to say, I’m glad I did it. Not only is it 99% true to the original (the ONLY things changed are the character pics, which have been modified with the current TMNT CGI images), but its 4 player on co-op and you can use the Xbox 360 headset which makes it all the more fun. I’ve got 6 of the 12 Achievements so far.
Other than that, not much is happening. In fact, nothing at all. So, I guess that means I’m done for now. Later.
Obviously, I don’t fault her for it. She’s doing her dream job and I’m happy for her.
But I miss her!
I know I know, such foolishness that will undoubtedly earn me the temporary anger of Mizd_1, but none the less. I enjoyed the playfulness, the friendship, and just the all around company and presence of her.
With her leaving will unfortunately come the end of any real contact with her except perhaps the short phone call here and there. Not that I really want that, or she, but her current schedule, between work, collage and what little time she has with her boyfriend, leaves any outside social life almost non existent.
It affects me because of everything I’ve said her (and a lot more I haven’t). It’s made me think of my life, past loves, likes, crushes, and ultimately where my life will end up in such areas. I’ve been wondering where this falls into it all, what my current “world” would be like if I were to take another walk in it (see 3 entries in “Memories” for reference point).
I know what I felt for her was something strong and deep. And I know I’ve said the same about others (both mentioned and not mentioned in this LiveJournal, but most in my handwritten one). Some that I’ve claimed to love then, I know now wasn’t quite so. Rebekah Andersen, Corina, even Sarah Novak. Rebekah I can’t even explain to myself, let alone anyone else. Corina was a crush, plain and simple. And Sarah…well, she had that potential had something happened. She could have been the real deal (as in, I could have grown into love EASILY) had anything been able to happen. Suffice it to say, I cared about her greatly, but it never did reach the point of Laurie.
(I should note here that Laurie is the basis and level in which all other emotions get held to, be it fair or not, she always has been my standard).
So, how then do I rank anyone else is Laurie was the crescendo? Where in this would I rank Monica?
Right now, I’d have to rank her with Sarah in the level of what she’ll always be to me, and how I’ll think about her. Like Sarah, she’ll end up being someone I will remember on the whim, sparse but fond memories always bring back the sense of joy the gave me when I was around them. And I’ll always let out that mental sigh, happy for those moments with really and strangely, no regrets.
I think I find that oddest of all, in that Laurie was the ONE real love in my life. And there was so much regret and hurt there. None of it intentional, yet all of it seemingly unavoidable.
Yet those who didn’t quite measure up, are nothing but fond memories. They always treated me kindly and warmly.
I REALLY wish I knew what to make of that…
I guess all of this was just to say she was something special to me, especially at this point in my life. I’ll miss her more than I’ll let on, and more than she’ll certainly know.
And now that the mushy is done and over with…
I haven’t been up to too much lately. Work is still work.
I have been playing a lot of Xbox Live. Mostly Crackdown with my brother and we’ve been having a LOT of fun doing it. I am doing very well on the Achievements too. I have 40 of 50 (80%) of them accomplished on the game. 2 more seem on the horizon, with others not too far off.
Another game (that we started with last night) is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Arcade Game (from 1989). We both downloaded it last night (and this is after some heavy contemplation on my part, since I know it’s on the TMNT game I have on Gamecube). I have to say, I’m glad I did it. Not only is it 99% true to the original (the ONLY things changed are the character pics, which have been modified with the current TMNT CGI images), but its 4 player on co-op and you can use the Xbox 360 headset which makes it all the more fun. I’ve got 6 of the 12 Achievements so far.
Other than that, not much is happening. In fact, nothing at all. So, I guess that means I’m done for now. Later.