"Y'know,...I Don't Really Like To Talk About My Flare."
"And I will stand for my dream if I can
Symbol of my faith in who I am
But you are my only
And I must follow on the road that lies ahead
I won't let my heart control my head..."
-Celine Dion, Immortality
Note: entry title is dedicated to Tara. Quote from the movie Office Space.
Well, work went as well as to be expected. The work itself was fine and once again I was done everything by about 12:30, so I got paid to surf the internet till 5. I guess I can’t complain about that.
But seeing her after what was said Tuesday night still provided a nice sting despite my best bracing against just that. Things felt so weird to me. I felt like things were off between her and I and I don’t’ know what to make of it. On one hand, I feel like she just wants to stop being friends because of it all. And on the other, I feel like maybe she was just having an off day. And I can’t even choose between those because I feel like I’m just trying to defend her one way or the other…Uhg.
My son seems to be doing better. First time back to daycare/grandmother’s since being sick last weekend and he did well. Played outside all day, jumping through the sprinkler, etc. Been eating well too. I definitely feel happier knowing he’s getting better.
I forgot to mention this in my last entry, so I’ll put this here. I don’t consider this in violation of my creed to not spew on about love in here anymore. Not technically. I’m commenting on what I saw.
Was flipping through the channels Tuesday night. Came across Frasier, a spin off of Cheers that I’ve watched from time to time. It’s not a bad show, but I didn’t watch it regularly either. But I found it intriguing because it often touched on issues not common to television. Tuesday was no exception.
The premise dealt with Frasier’s brother Niles dealing with his feeling for Daphne. And I found it struck a lot of cords with me, putting my feelings and thoughts about instances of my past into words I couldn’t quite see.
It had to do with every memory he had of Daphne being perfect. How he worshipped her. And how he was afraid to look on the object of his love as not being perfect. He didn’t want to see mistakes in her.
And it was for that reason he was afraid to pursue her. Because he didn’t want to lose that image of her.
And I found that right there reminded me of how I held memories of Laurie to a “t”. For years, until her come back tour of 2 days, I never blamed Laurie for anything, I never looked back on our friendship and saw her at fault for anything. I blamed myself for anything that went wrong, how I should have seen the problems.
I don’t know if my reasons are the same as Niles’ but the act of was very much straight on and I, even after Laurie’s come back tour, never saw it until I saw that ep.
This isn’t a rant or whine about my lost chance or anything. Just something I honestly thought very deep, very interesting. It was something I liked having brought to my attention if just out of curiosity.
Who would have thought a show about a psychologist could be therapeutic?
I guess that’s it for now. Nothing much else happened. Read LJs and read a lot of TF.N forums. I did get to talk to Tara a good bit at work today. We had fun and we had some good conversations about saber flare and Star Wars flare in general. Seriously,...ask her about it sometime...
Till later!
Symbol of my faith in who I am
But you are my only
And I must follow on the road that lies ahead
I won't let my heart control my head..."
-Celine Dion, Immortality
Note: entry title is dedicated to Tara. Quote from the movie Office Space.
Well, work went as well as to be expected. The work itself was fine and once again I was done everything by about 12:30, so I got paid to surf the internet till 5. I guess I can’t complain about that.
But seeing her after what was said Tuesday night still provided a nice sting despite my best bracing against just that. Things felt so weird to me. I felt like things were off between her and I and I don’t’ know what to make of it. On one hand, I feel like she just wants to stop being friends because of it all. And on the other, I feel like maybe she was just having an off day. And I can’t even choose between those because I feel like I’m just trying to defend her one way or the other…Uhg.
My son seems to be doing better. First time back to daycare/grandmother’s since being sick last weekend and he did well. Played outside all day, jumping through the sprinkler, etc. Been eating well too. I definitely feel happier knowing he’s getting better.
I forgot to mention this in my last entry, so I’ll put this here. I don’t consider this in violation of my creed to not spew on about love in here anymore. Not technically. I’m commenting on what I saw.
Was flipping through the channels Tuesday night. Came across Frasier, a spin off of Cheers that I’ve watched from time to time. It’s not a bad show, but I didn’t watch it regularly either. But I found it intriguing because it often touched on issues not common to television. Tuesday was no exception.
The premise dealt with Frasier’s brother Niles dealing with his feeling for Daphne. And I found it struck a lot of cords with me, putting my feelings and thoughts about instances of my past into words I couldn’t quite see.
It had to do with every memory he had of Daphne being perfect. How he worshipped her. And how he was afraid to look on the object of his love as not being perfect. He didn’t want to see mistakes in her.
And it was for that reason he was afraid to pursue her. Because he didn’t want to lose that image of her.
And I found that right there reminded me of how I held memories of Laurie to a “t”. For years, until her come back tour of 2 days, I never blamed Laurie for anything, I never looked back on our friendship and saw her at fault for anything. I blamed myself for anything that went wrong, how I should have seen the problems.
I don’t know if my reasons are the same as Niles’ but the act of was very much straight on and I, even after Laurie’s come back tour, never saw it until I saw that ep.
This isn’t a rant or whine about my lost chance or anything. Just something I honestly thought very deep, very interesting. It was something I liked having brought to my attention if just out of curiosity.
Who would have thought a show about a psychologist could be therapeutic?
I guess that’s it for now. Nothing much else happened. Read LJs and read a lot of TF.N forums. I did get to talk to Tara a good bit at work today. We had fun and we had some good conversations about saber flare and Star Wars flare in general. Seriously,...ask her about it sometime...
Till later!