(no subject)
So there is this girl Laura who I like. But, I'm in no place to be dating anyone. And there are so many red flags:
- She drinks heavily
- when she drinks she becomes hetero and makes out with men
- she lost her gold star a few weeks ago when she was drunk
- she smokes cigarettes and weed (on a regular basis)
- she doesn't go to class and has no interest in school.
Anyway, last night it was Laura, Mike and myself hanging out. Then we went to the fireplace and we cuddled. Laura was the big spoon and she draped her arm around my waist. I really wanted her hands on me, so I put her hand on my chest. And then things just kind of progressed. Mike eventually went to bed and it was just Laura and me. So it turned into some heavy petting, making out, etc. I was already uncomfortable with the fact that we were at the fireplace, a fairly public place. In dorm life, you just get used to not having any privacy. But there were three guys around us, not really near us and not paying attention.
Everything was over the clothes. Then Laura started to put her hand down my pants. She asked, "is this ok?" and she could sense my hesitation and so she asked again. I said no, not here. It was both I didn't want to and also I didn't want to do it here. Then she laughed and said, "you're such tease." the first time she said it was half a joke. The next time she said it, it was accusatory. As if I owed her sex.
After I tell her no and she calls me a tease, she unbuttons my pants and puts her hand down my pants. I just seize up. I freaked out. Not outwardly, but I panicked. And all I could say was, "please stop." Like it was more of a request than a demand. And so she stopped. And then we both lied there for a few minutes, me with my eyes closed. Then she put her hand on my chest as if nothing had just happened.
So I sat up. And shortly after I said goodnight and I left.
I don't need to be pressured, guilted or coerced into sex. Anything less than YES! YES! YES! is a no. And if someone thinks that's okay to pressure someone into sex, I could never date them. And I'm not sure we could backtrack and just be friends now.
This is just not what I needed. I feel like I can't catch a break.
- She drinks heavily
- when she drinks she becomes hetero and makes out with men
- she lost her gold star a few weeks ago when she was drunk
- she smokes cigarettes and weed (on a regular basis)
- she doesn't go to class and has no interest in school.
Anyway, last night it was Laura, Mike and myself hanging out. Then we went to the fireplace and we cuddled. Laura was the big spoon and she draped her arm around my waist. I really wanted her hands on me, so I put her hand on my chest. And then things just kind of progressed. Mike eventually went to bed and it was just Laura and me. So it turned into some heavy petting, making out, etc. I was already uncomfortable with the fact that we were at the fireplace, a fairly public place. In dorm life, you just get used to not having any privacy. But there were three guys around us, not really near us and not paying attention.
Everything was over the clothes. Then Laura started to put her hand down my pants. She asked, "is this ok?" and she could sense my hesitation and so she asked again. I said no, not here. It was both I didn't want to and also I didn't want to do it here. Then she laughed and said, "you're such tease." the first time she said it was half a joke. The next time she said it, it was accusatory. As if I owed her sex.
After I tell her no and she calls me a tease, she unbuttons my pants and puts her hand down my pants. I just seize up. I freaked out. Not outwardly, but I panicked. And all I could say was, "please stop." Like it was more of a request than a demand. And so she stopped. And then we both lied there for a few minutes, me with my eyes closed. Then she put her hand on my chest as if nothing had just happened.
So I sat up. And shortly after I said goodnight and I left.
I don't need to be pressured, guilted or coerced into sex. Anything less than YES! YES! YES! is a no. And if someone thinks that's okay to pressure someone into sex, I could never date them. And I'm not sure we could backtrack and just be friends now.
This is just not what I needed. I feel like I can't catch a break.