love is watching someone die.
Today I put paint handprints all over my wall. then just threw paint on everything. I'm out of a job yet again. I can't work there, not when everytime I go there i will see him. I don't hate him, honestly I don't. I'm just really disappointed in him that he did it. I still hope things go well for him, and I'm of course still going to worry about him but I can't look him in the eye anymore. It hurts to much to even talk to him. So again with the job search. I'm still just getting the blood redistributed to my body. I've spent the last 15 minutes or so looking at my wall upside down. it clears my mind. I want to nap so bad but I cant sleep. Not now. Maybe I will just watch feris buellers day off. I doubt I even spelled it right but I'm getting over that. I'm tempted to take a long walk outside. If I wasn't afraid of going places alone I would go swing on some swings but well my life is hindered by my fears of being by myself. I used to be independent.Funny how many things will change in only one years time. I am so different now and I hate it. I hate how I am so dependent upon people, but I hate when people make decisions for me.Maybe I am just dependent on the company of others. By the way I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just venting to myself via livejournal. plus this is probably really comical for others to read. In other news Molly ringwald is the number one teen star. I love 80's movies. I still want to nap but I dont want to be by myself.IhatethisIhatethisIhatethisIhatethis.come over and nap with me please. i need something good to happen really soon. I need change, a change for the better. I want someone to just sit and cuddle. no strings no expectation. just some quality movies and cuddling by the fire. No talking, the silences mean so much more than what is verbalized. I would really love a Valentine. That would be nice. Hey Herman Melville. I hate you.