Sadness is all I have left.
Well I don't know what to do anymore.
Im a horrendus person, at least I think I am, and no one else tells me otherwise so I'll go with it.
And an overly arrogant bastard to boot.
Im so retarded, I only have 2 family members who care about me, and I can't even go a day with out causing them momumental problems. Like today I got them worried about me just because I wanted to have some fun, how selfish of me. They have given me so much, and I just want more, this situation needs to change.
I know all it would take is a call, but i guess im not responsible enough to even think about it, *tear* I always thought that was one thing I had going for me.
I love my friends so much, but Im to much of a coward to stand up to people who make fun of my best of friends unjustly. On another note, im sorry for those friends I pushed to do things they may have not wanted to, and ended up getting hurt out of it, if I knew a way to take your pain unto myself, I would do it in a heart beat. Now when I think about it, this does'nt make me a very good friend now does it, no, not many of my actions do I think, Im sorry im a coward, im just sorry...
I have to give off this aura that pushes people away from me, and anyone in it is extremly uncomfortable. I don't know, its like my skin secrets acid and no one wants to be touched by the horrible being that is me, im sorry being raised by 2 old women makes you a physical person, but now I guess I understand and ill try to change.
Im going to try to change this much this year, with coming of age im traditionally responsible things ive been doing for 4 years, I guess its time to step up and face it and leave my childhood behind... But I don't know if I can do it, Its only been recently that ive had a childhood where new friends have actually wanted to do something with me or included me. I don't want to give that up, im really torn.
Happiness is a joke in my life, if any is here its brief and always leaves a bigger hole than it filled. Someone please tell me, am I here to balance out say 10 happy people on the scales that is life? If I am ill learn to deal with it, but thats what its seems, I just dont trust my own opinions anymore, so I need yours.
Im really nausiated, have been for a while, prolly will be for a while. Also got an extra helping of insomnia on my plate. I guess this is what true depression feels like, because I don't want to be happy, or even put up a front that I am, I dont deserve it, I really dont...
I wish I was a person of faith, then I could blind myself with illusions of its going to get better and there is a reason for it all, but I can't, damn you science why do you have to make so much sense.
Forever yours,
Andrew Terry
Im a horrendus person, at least I think I am, and no one else tells me otherwise so I'll go with it.
And an overly arrogant bastard to boot.
Im so retarded, I only have 2 family members who care about me, and I can't even go a day with out causing them momumental problems. Like today I got them worried about me just because I wanted to have some fun, how selfish of me. They have given me so much, and I just want more, this situation needs to change.
I know all it would take is a call, but i guess im not responsible enough to even think about it, *tear* I always thought that was one thing I had going for me.
I love my friends so much, but Im to much of a coward to stand up to people who make fun of my best of friends unjustly. On another note, im sorry for those friends I pushed to do things they may have not wanted to, and ended up getting hurt out of it, if I knew a way to take your pain unto myself, I would do it in a heart beat. Now when I think about it, this does'nt make me a very good friend now does it, no, not many of my actions do I think, Im sorry im a coward, im just sorry...
I have to give off this aura that pushes people away from me, and anyone in it is extremly uncomfortable. I don't know, its like my skin secrets acid and no one wants to be touched by the horrible being that is me, im sorry being raised by 2 old women makes you a physical person, but now I guess I understand and ill try to change.
Im going to try to change this much this year, with coming of age im traditionally responsible things ive been doing for 4 years, I guess its time to step up and face it and leave my childhood behind... But I don't know if I can do it, Its only been recently that ive had a childhood where new friends have actually wanted to do something with me or included me. I don't want to give that up, im really torn.
Happiness is a joke in my life, if any is here its brief and always leaves a bigger hole than it filled. Someone please tell me, am I here to balance out say 10 happy people on the scales that is life? If I am ill learn to deal with it, but thats what its seems, I just dont trust my own opinions anymore, so I need yours.
Im really nausiated, have been for a while, prolly will be for a while. Also got an extra helping of insomnia on my plate. I guess this is what true depression feels like, because I don't want to be happy, or even put up a front that I am, I dont deserve it, I really dont...
I wish I was a person of faith, then I could blind myself with illusions of its going to get better and there is a reason for it all, but I can't, damn you science why do you have to make so much sense.
Forever yours,
Andrew Terry