a woman of no importance
i'm on the cover of 'the hoya,' our newspaper. a nice big picture from behind my head, over my shoulder, as i'm filming on sunday. spent all day yesterday with people congratulating me on making the front page, and i had no idea what was going on. finally picked up a copy. it's pretty cool, i'll admit. ;-) even if i am absurdly wearing two pairs of gloves.
i took some sort of emotional iq test today for a school survey thing, and it was interesting to note, personally, what an about-face i've done in the last year and a half or so. i'm back to being who i want to be, emotionally. i'm perpetually happy, optimistic, friendly, ridiculous, funny, and fun to be around (i hope). so different from my attitude and feeling last year, though i definitely had my good moments then too. it's just that the scale is tipped back to the good side, and the bad times are just temporary visits.
i don't know whether or not to go to ash wednesday mass. i don't understand where i stand as a religious person. today is a day of personal identity crisis.
for my birthday, the one concrete thing that i know that i want is the new pride and prejudice dvd. i don't care if everyone i know donates a dollar for it, but that is what i want. haha ;-)
of course, there are other things that i want, like other dvd's (room with a view, among others), like certain guy(s), books, money, music, to get to go to europe, etc. but i don't expect most of those things ;-)
i am realizing i have effectively 3 days left as a teenager. shit. somehow this scares me. not entirely sure why, except that i have always been afraid of growing up. but 20. that seems like such a landmark number, though in reality it is arbitrary, and will change very little. i feel, though, almost as if it's 'the beginning of the rest of my life.' as if i need to move on to the next stage. dea said last weekend that i look older, which is funny, because i saw her not two months ago, and usually, it's a larger time span than that that i'd think would determine 'growing up.' but maybe this is a sign. maybe it's a hint. the world is telling me, you're getting older, kate, so start living that life. i have to start going after what i want, i have to start reaching goals; it's as if life up to this point has been preparation, and now it's time to convert that preparation into realization.
that was rather philosophical of me. we'll see.
i took some sort of emotional iq test today for a school survey thing, and it was interesting to note, personally, what an about-face i've done in the last year and a half or so. i'm back to being who i want to be, emotionally. i'm perpetually happy, optimistic, friendly, ridiculous, funny, and fun to be around (i hope). so different from my attitude and feeling last year, though i definitely had my good moments then too. it's just that the scale is tipped back to the good side, and the bad times are just temporary visits.
i don't know whether or not to go to ash wednesday mass. i don't understand where i stand as a religious person. today is a day of personal identity crisis.
for my birthday, the one concrete thing that i know that i want is the new pride and prejudice dvd. i don't care if everyone i know donates a dollar for it, but that is what i want. haha ;-)
of course, there are other things that i want, like other dvd's (room with a view, among others), like certain guy(s), books, money, music, to get to go to europe, etc. but i don't expect most of those things ;-)
i am realizing i have effectively 3 days left as a teenager. shit. somehow this scares me. not entirely sure why, except that i have always been afraid of growing up. but 20. that seems like such a landmark number, though in reality it is arbitrary, and will change very little. i feel, though, almost as if it's 'the beginning of the rest of my life.' as if i need to move on to the next stage. dea said last weekend that i look older, which is funny, because i saw her not two months ago, and usually, it's a larger time span than that that i'd think would determine 'growing up.' but maybe this is a sign. maybe it's a hint. the world is telling me, you're getting older, kate, so start living that life. i have to start going after what i want, i have to start reaching goals; it's as if life up to this point has been preparation, and now it's time to convert that preparation into realization.
that was rather philosophical of me. we'll see.