Last Updated 39 weeks ago
My brain is defunct. I've written it before, I'll write it again; surely. I am scatterbrained. My sentences short; brief. I'm fucked. I'm in deep trouble. The girl who doesn't get mad for more than five minutes hasn't spoken to me in what...weeks? Perhaps close to two. I care for her so deeply. She's not ready to speak to me. She means everything to me. She makes sense. She's logical and analytical and beautiful and funny. But now...She's not making sense. There's something awry but I don't know just what it is...And she won't say. I'm miserable. I'm exhausted and feel frowny. I just want to hug her and squeeze her...I want that so badly. I'm aching inside. Every day that passes I come closer to disrespecting her wishes of not speaking to me and driving the five and a half hours to squeeze her...but would she accept me with open arms? Two weeks ago, I wouldn't have ever second guessed that...Now, I'm not as certain. When we're fully based on communication and manage to have none over such a period of time, it takes away. I don't want to hold a grudge, I just want to speak to her. To put this behind us and to move forward together. I want to discuss what happened, then seal it in a box and put it away. I just want to squeeze her. For a long time I wasn't sure she was real. She convinced me that she indeed was...But is she? Was it a ruse? She always was better than me, but is she? Does she even exist? Was I the only one that saw her? Does the world only exist inside my head? I hope she wasn't a dream...I need her to stay awake. I just want her back. So badly. More than anything. Please be better. I hope. So deeply.