Wish We Were Older
Title: Wish We Were Older [Chapter 10]
Author: carcrashheart_8
Pairings: RyoDa, Ryo/OC, PiDa, KameDa [friendship], Akame, PiTakki [one-sided], RyoKame, JinNo
Rating: PG-13 [strong language and sexual references]
Summary: When his parents go overseas to work, Ueda is forced to go to an all-boys boarding school for his high school years. There, he meets Ryo Nishikido, a stubborn, strong-willed boy who ends up becoming his roommate. Ueda quickly falls for the other boy despite Ryo's rude words and bad attitude. Trouble starts up, however, and soon this seemingly one-sided love ends up becoming a love triangle and eventually a love square. Despite it all, Ueda must overcome these obstacles in order to maintain his spot at the elite high school.
Disclaimer: Title taken from "Wish We Were Older" by Metro Station
Chapter 10
“Oh, it’s just you, Ueda-I was hoping it was Jin,” a disappointed Junno huffed, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.
Ueda clutched his chest, still feeling shocked that Junno had screamed a confession to him, even if it was meant for someone else.
“What’s wrong with you?” Junno scoffed.
Ueda exhaled, letting out a big breath of air, and answered.
“You just gave me a real shock that’s all-I didn’t think that someone would just confess to me-at least not after what just happened to me.”
Junno seemed a bit interested, “Oh-what just happened to you?”
Ueda shook his head, “You wouldn’t be interested-it’s got nothing to do with you.”
Then, Junno put his hands on Ueda’s shoulders and stared at the other boy.
“I don’t mind hearing about it-after all, you promised you’d help me get Jin.”
Ueda hesitated but was interrupted before he got a chance to say anything.
“What are you two doing?”
The pair turned and saw a confused Jin looking back at them, his upper lip twitching as if he was disgusted by the sight in front of him. Junno took his hands off Ueda and started whistling, nonchalantly.
“N-Nothing, Akanishi-senpai,” Ueda stuttered, finding it hard to make eye contact with the taller boy; the reason most likely being because Ueda felt guilty for being the reason why Jin was dumped by Kame. He also didn’t like being the only one who knew that Junno liked Jin.
“Oi, Junno, why’re you hanging out with this guy?” Jin called to Junno, who had managed to sneak away undetected, for a few seconds. Junno turned around slowly like a thief who had been caught red-handed.
“Ah-no reason in particular. We just bumped into each other and U-Ueda-kun dropped his books, right, Ueda-kun?”
Junno smiled nervously at Ueda so that the other would agree to his made-up story. Ueda nodded his head shyly as Junno nodded his as well.
Jin looked at Ueda then back at Junno.
“He’s not carrying any books,” he said, in a deadpan tone of voice.
Junno turned the slightest shade of white at Jin’s realization. Then Ueda attempted to make up some sort of story but luckily, he was dragged away by an unseen person who surprised not only him, but also Jin and Junno.
Ueda looked up and saw Toma, with his arms around Ueda’s arm and a scowl on his face.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
Toma didn’t say anything and just pulled Ueda away, only releasing him when the two were alone in a deserted hallway. The taller man pushed Ueda against a wall and looked at him sternly. There was never a time that Ueda had felt so scared at the hands of one of his friends.
With his hands gripping Ueda’s shoulders, he whispered, “Did you dump Yamapi?”
Ueda felt himself gulp as a knot formed in his stomach.
“Didn’t you know?”
Toma shook his head furiously, “No one told me! Yamapi only spilled his guts to me now because I’d been suspicious as to why you two were avoiding each other so much lately!”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Ueda squeaked as he tried to wriggle out of Toma’s grip.
Toma let go and put his hand to his forehead, sighing dramatically.
“You idiots really make my life difficult, you know that?”
Ueda smiled awkwardly, before frowning when Toma glared at him. He cleared his throat and wiped his now sweaty hands on his pants.
“What happened anyways? Pi didn’t tell me anything except that you two broke up and that it was very hard seeing you all the time.”
“Ah? Really? I-I guess I haven’t really been paying attention to what Yamapi was doing, lately,” Ueda said, sounding a bit guilty.
Toma frowned, his eyebrows crinkling and his hands on his hips. He looked at Ueda seriously and replied with a somber tone.
“He’s been really messed-up since you broke it off with him. And it irritates me that you can’t even see that! I thought you cared about him-if not like a boyfriend, then at least like a friend. I mean, really, Tatsuya, are you that self-centered?!”
Ueda’s heartbeat slowed as he started to feel even worse. Toma was doing an awful great job at making the other one realize his mistake in not seeing how badly the breakup had affected Yamapi.
“W-Well, what am I supposed to do?” he managed to stutter.
Toma looked at him like the other was a complete idiot, “You! You-You could try talking to him! Try making sure he’s at least still alive! I swear-you and him and frickin’ Ryo are the stupidest people I’ve ever met! I-”
Ueda sniffled a bit and Toma took notice, stopping his rant and starting to be a little more sympathetic.
“I-I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell at you, Tatsuya. Its just-Ryo-this thing with Kamenashi is pissing me off so damn much! I mean-how do you feel-and what really happened with you and Yamapi? You never even answered me!”
Ueda smiled awkwardly once again, “That’s a lot of questions-and I-I’d love to explain everything to you but I have to go-go now.”
“Tatsuya-are you kidding me? What are you trying to hide from me? And why are you trying to hide it from me?”
Ueda sighed, “It’s not like I’m trying to hide it from you-I just have not had a really good day today! First, Kame tells me that he was IN LOVE with me and now he likes Ryo and is going to try and steal him from me! And then Taguchi-senpai-he’s trying to get me to help him with getting Akanishi-senpai’s attention. And then Akanishi-senpai-that jerk-he’s just-AGH!”
Toma blinked, and looked very confused.
“Wait-what?!”
Ueda sighed again, this time even deeper.
“Okay, here’s what happened with me and Yamapi. He-basically figured out that I liked Ryo because of the way that I acted when Kame and Ryo were pretending to date just so they could piss Akanishi-senpai off. Taguchi-senpai, at one time, asked me about Kame and Akanishi-senpai’s relationship and I figured out that Taguchi-senpai likes Akanishi-senpai. Anyways-back to Yamapi-he figured out that I liked Ryo and I didn’t exactly deny it. He got mad at me and almost-well-he kind of pinned me down to my bed and looked really-um-what’s the word-well, he looked like he was going to-”
“OH MY GAWD! HE WAS GOING TO RAPE YOU!?”
Ueda winced at the sound of Toma’s loud voice but humbly nodded in agreement.
“Y-Yeah-” he whispered, “Something like that.”
Toma’s mouth widened and he made a noise that sounded like he was in both shock and slight disgust. He allowed Ueda to continue, however.
“As I was saying, Yamapi and I had a talk and we decided that it was better to break up. He told me that he supported me going after Ryo and that all he wanted was for me to be happy. Actually-now that I think about it-I’m starting to feel like I never deserved Yamapi in the first place.”
Ueda paused. He started to think about what Kame had told him:
You’re nothing more to me than the guy who broke my heart-the guy who was too wrapped up in his own troubles to ever give his best friend a second glance.
Kame’s words had a strong affect on Ueda as he realized that not only had he neglected his best friend’s feelings for him, he had also disregarded the feelings Yamapi had so deeply for him. Kame was right; Ueda was “too wrapped up in his own troubles” and his mind was always on Ryo. For more than a year, he had tried to get the other boy to notice him, to see him as more than just the roommate he occasionally, or rather, frequently quarreled with. Ueda wanted Ryo to see him in the same way that he saw Ryo. He’d wanted this for so long and yet, nothing ever came of it. He only made Ryo angrier every time they fought and he’d only made himself feel worse.
“Maybe I should just give up,” he mumbled under his breath.
“What?”
Ueda looked at Toma through teary eyes. He managed to wipe them before the tears felt but he couldn’t hold back the quivering in his voice.
“I-I’ve caused so much trouble for everyone, especially Yamapi, with my stupid crush on Ryo. And, probably the worst part is he’ll never really know how I feel for him. He probably thinks that I’m just some idiot roommate and nothing more! No, wait-I KNOW that’s what he thinks of me.”
Toma attempted to stop Ueda from hurting himself even more with the words coming from his mouth.
“D-Don’t say that,” he laughed nervously, “you don’t know how Ryo really feels about you. Yeah, he’s pretty damn honest and will always say what’s on his mind but-he’s not exactly the best person when it comes to emotional stuff-at least not this kind of emotional stuff. I mean, he’s just-”
“It’s okay,” Ueda smiled though tears were staining his cheeks, “I don’t need you to cheer me up. I’ve decided-I’m going to give up on Ryo. I’m going to make everyone happy and not cause trouble anymore. I’ll let Kame know-he’s free to have Ryo all to himself.”
“Wait, Tatsuya, you don’t know what you’re doing,” Toma choked as Ueda started walking away.
But the other boy didn’t stop. He continued walking until he was out of Toma’s sight. It was strange that just earlier he had declared war on Kame for Ryo’s heart and yet, now, he was about to concede. It all had happened so fast but that was how life happened for Ueda. He’d never gotten a chance to let things stay at a steady pace; fate always had to throw him curveballs at the least appropriate of times.
Unfortunately for Ueda, this was one of those times.
He fell to his knees as someone crashed into him. His hair fell over his eyes and he wasn’t able to make out whom it was. But when he swept his hair out of his face, he saw a concerned Ryo bending over him, checking if he was all right.
“W-What happened?”
“Didn’t you see the sign?” Ryo pointed up and Ueda saw that a sign that was held above one of the classrooms had come crashing down and could have very well hit Ueda and quite possibly have knocked him unconscious. Thankfully, Ryo had come and saved him from such a fate.
Fate; it was something that had been on Ueda’s mind a lot at that time. And, as expected, at that moment, it was on his mind as Ryo helped him up from the ground.
“You really ought to be more careful-Tatsuya-kun,” Ryo nervously laughed, as he dusted his pants with his shaky hands.
Ueda’s heart stopped; had Ryo just called him by his first name? He’d still used an honorific but still there was some form of intimacy in the fact that he had been so casual. Ueda had never specifically given Ryo permission to call him by his first name but it didn’t really matter. Ueda’s heart started pumping quicker and quicker and the butterflies in his stomach returned in almost a split second. He sighed dreamily and felt his body warm up as his skin tingled.
“Hey! I’m talking to you!”
Ueda’s daydreaming stopped. Clearly, Ryo had returned back to his normal, confrontational state.
“I know you’re talking! I heard you!”
“The least you could do is thank me for saving you from your own idiocy!”
“Ooh, so you finally learned a word that doesn’t contain only four letters,” Ueda remarked in a condescending matter.
“You! I-I’m going to-You’re really annoying, you know that?!”
“I’m annoying?! You’re the one who yells at someone who almost got knocked unconscious! Clearly, you don’t understand the severity of the situation!”
“You’re such a big-mouth! I should do us all a favor and shut it-PERMANENTLY!”
As the two bickered, Toma came running up but stopped when he saw what was taking place. He smiled to himself for it was clear that Ueda hadn’t exactly given up on Ryo. The taller boy could tell from the way that the two were arguing that Ryo wasn’t about to give up on Ueda either. Toma didn’t even bother to know why they were fighting and just let them be.
Meanwhile, just around the corner, was Kame who scowled at the sight of the two roommates fighting. He muttered curse words under his breath before storming off, unnoticed by both Ueda and Ryo who had managed to prolong the argument by insulting each other’s hygienic habits.
“YOU STINK WORSE THAN THE GYM LOCKER ROOM!”
“YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE ROTTING FISH!”
“YOU LITTLE JACKASS!”
Ueda didn’t realize it but at that moment, he was moving farther and farther from the state he had been when he had talked to Toma just moments before. He also didn’t realize that he was falling more and more in love with Ryo with every insult thrown. It seemed odd but there were many things that weren’t exactly normal about Ueda.
The following week, Ueda was sitting in his desk in homeroom, feeling more awkward than he had previously. He was sitting behind Ryo and in front of Kame, both of whom were not speaking to him. Yamapi was still on speaking terms with him but he was so enthralled with the teacher to notice anything that was going on around himself. Ueda sighed but jumped when he felt a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around and looked at a smiling Kame.
“Hey, Tat-chan.”
Ueda replied coldly, “What do you want?”
“Oh, Tat-chan-don’t tell me you’re still mad. If anything, I should be the one who is mad-after all, you broke my heart,” Kame’s smile disappeared and he looked serious.
Ueda’s eyes widened, “Shh! Are you crazy?!”
Kame smiled again, taking pleasure in Ueda’s nervousness.
“Good-you’re feeling guilty. I’m glad,” he whispered, “Now, what I wanted to talk to you about was Nishikido-kun.”
“Huh?”
“Can you give him this note? I trust that you won’t read it before giving it to him,” Kame smiled widely as he handed a folded note to Ueda, who stared at it.
Ueda took the paper and continued staring at it, his lip twitching ever so slightly.
“Well, go on. Hand it to him.”
Ueda sighed and nodded, feeling defeated as he tapped Ryo on the shoulder. Ryo turned around and glared at him. Ueda just sighed again and handed the note and pointed his head in Kame’s general direction indicating that the note was in fact from Kame.
Ryo nodded and opened it. He then smiled at Kame and nodded his head as if he was agreeing to something. Ueda looked at both of them, his eyes darting back and forth between each boy as they smiled at each other. In Ueda’s mind, it was like they were flirting, right in front of him, in the middle of homeroom! They had no shame, he thought to himself, like animals, practically drooling over one another.
“Tat-chan,” Kame whispered, his eyes staring at the other boy’s hands. Ueda had grabbed his notebook and was about to rip it in half.
“S-Sorry,” Ueda smiled awkwardly as he placed Kame’s notebook back on the boy’s desk. He turned around and shook his head to relieve himself from the consuming thoughts inside of his head. He then was tapped again on the shoulder by Kame. Kame handed him a note intended not for Ryo but for Ueda. Ueda stared at it and opened it, and read the neat cursive words inside.
Nishikido-kun and I are going on a date tonight. Don’t wait up for him. ;)
Kame snickered as Ueda read the note. The latter clutched the note before crumbling it up noisily. He glared at Ueda who just continued to laugh sadistically. Ueda’s anger almost drew to a boiling point but since he was in class, there were no punches exchanged. All Ueda could do was turn around and let himself calm down as he fought the image of Kame and Ryo on a date.
That evening, as Ryo was getting dressed for his “date” with Kame, Ueda was pretending to do his homework. He was actually doodling on his notebook pages, writing the words “Death to Kame” over and over again in the margins. He would occasionally stare at Ryo, longingly as the other boy was getting ready. Ryo would look back but Ueda would always pretend that he was never gawking at his roommate in the first place. Ryo smiled to himself as he looked in the mirror and made sure his hair looked just right.
He checked his alarm clock and clicked his tongue. He grabbed his jacket from his closet and told Ueda, “I’m going out with Kamenashi-kun tonight. Don’t wait up for him-we might be a little late if you know what I mean.”
Ueda’s pencil snapped in half. He turned slowly towards Ryo and pretended to smile a wide smile.
He replied through clenched teeth, “Have fun on your date.”
Ryo laughed and practically skipped out of the room. Ueda, on the other hand, could only feel his anger spill out once the door closed. He threw all his papers and books off his desk and jumped up from his desk chair, which he proceeded to knock over. He kicked his bed and threw everything on it onto the floor. He would’ve gone after Ryo’s side of the room had it not been for a knock on his door.
“If that’s Ryo, I’m going to-Yamapi! Toma! What are you guys doing here?”
The pair stormed in and looked around the room as if they were checking for something. Ueda just stared at them, confused.
“Uh-guys?”
“Where is he?” Toma growled.
“Who?”
“Your idiot of a roommate!” Yamapi snapped.
Ueda gulped.
“Ah-he just left. He’s going out with Kame tonight.”
“THAT IDIOT ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH WITH IT?!” Toma screamed.
Ueda nearly fell back onto his bed.
“I SWEAR I COULD KILL RYO SOMETIMES! HE’S GOT THE BRAIN THE SIZE OF A WALNUT!”
Ueda’s eyebrows went up.
“Um-anyone wanna tell me what’s going on?”
Yamapi and Toma looked at him, acting as if they were unable to understand.
“What do you mean? Ryo-your roommate-the guy you’ve been in love with since last year-is going out with your best friend-well I assume Kamenashi is now your ex-best friend-but still!”
Yamapi added, “The idiot doesn’t even know Kamenashi that well! He told us ‘but I think he’s a really cute guy’. Please-Ryo wouldn’t know cute if it kicked him in the ass! And it just might!”
Apparently, Yamapi was referring to himself but Ueda didn’t catch on.
“I don’t understand. Why are you guys so mad though?”
Yamapi sat down on Ueda’s bed, as did Toma. Toma grabbed Ueda’s arm and made the shorter boy sit down between the two of them. Ueda felt uncomfortable being so close between the two rage-induced boys.
Yamapi began, “Tat-chan-I mean-Tatsuya-Toma and I care about you a lot. You’ve become one of our closest friends and we don’t want you to ever be unhappy. We want what’s best for you and-apparently, that means Ryo.”
“Okay, dad?” Ueda quipped, “I don’t think I need you guys to look out for me. I’m perfectly fine on my own.”
Toma scoffed, “Yeah, right.”
Ueda turned and said, “Excuse me?”
Toma crossed his arms and leant back on the bed, “If it wasn’t for us, you would never have gotten to know Ryo so well. If it weren’t for us, Ryo would have killed you by now-for whatever reason. The point is, we’re the ones protecting you from his wrath and at the same time, we’re the ones protecting you from yourself.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Ueda growled, jumping up from the bed and staring at his so-called “friends”.
“Calm down, Tatsuya, I’m just speaking the truth. Even when you and Pi were together, I was still around to make sure that shit didn’t start happening between you two and Ryo. Believe it or not, I helped! And Yamapi did as well-well before you two were a couple and even now that you’re not, he’s still willing to help! You gotta admit-that’s either really stupid of him or really generous.”
“Hey,” Yamapi defended.
“Sorry, Pi-but it’s true,” Toma patted his friend’s shoulder.
Yamapi shrugged his shoulders and looked at Ueda, “Tatsuya-if you let this just happen, who knows what will happen between Ryo and Kamenashi? From what Toma’s told me, Kamenashi has already told you that he likes Ryo and plans to make him his. I can’t see someone as stubborn and as narrow-minded as you just letting something like that happen!”
Ueda thought to himself. Yamapi and Toma were right. Not only had they been there for him, despite his own selfishness, they were also the ones that were more aware of the situation than he, himself was. He sighed.
“But what can I really do? I can’t just go after Ryo and stop the date from happening. I’d just be revealing that I like him! And what if he really likes Kame? I’ll just end up looking like a bigger loser than I am now!”
“You’re not a loser,” Toma scoffed again.
“Oh, really? Look at me, Toma! I’m in love with my roommate and I don’t have the guts to tell him! I have to have you guys always protect me from him and I can’t even manage to do anything on my own! How can you not say I’m a loser?! And, Gawd, Ryo probably thinks I’m the biggest loser there is!”
Toma and Yamapi shook their heads, disappointedly.
“If that’s the kind of mindset, you’re going to have-then you’re never going to be happy in life,” Yamapi stated matter-of-factly.
Toma nodded in agreement, “Yeah-if that’s the way you feel then who’s to say that you even deserve our help?”
Ueda sighed heavily, “Guys, I just-”
“No, it’s fine, Tatsuya. We should’ve known that you were a lost cause. I mean-like you said, you’re just a loser, right?” Toma pretended to laugh.
Yamapi nodded, “We just wasted our time. Come on, Toma, let’s go.”
The pair left, shaking their heads and mumbling to each other about how Ueda had been a disappointment to them. When they left, their words started to sink into Ueda’s mind as he thought and thought to himself.
It wasn’t long before he realized that he had to take this chance to get Ryo before Kame had a chance to fully steal him away. He grabbed his coat and ran out of the room, and down the hallway. What he didn’t notice was Toma and Yamapi standing close by watching as he ran by, smiling and giving each other hi-fives.
No, Ueda didn’t notice because his mind was completely focused on Ryo. He ran but came to a halt when he saw Kame and Ryo standing in what seemed like a face-off, not too far from the dorm’s entrance. It looked like they hadn’t even left for their date and Ueda was curious why.
He stood by, out of sight but within range so that he could hear clearly.
“Is that why you were yelling about us being a couple?” Ryo said first.
Ueda looked at Kame who was on the verge of tears.
The boy nodded and softly said, “It was never about me making Jin jealous-I just thought that it would give me a chance to get to know you so that I could properly confess to you.”
Ryo looked a little angry, as if he had been deceived.
“I was okay with getting that Akanishi guy pissed off but this-I can’t do this.”
“Why not? You haven’t even really given me a chance,” Kame started to sound less sad and more irritated.
“Look, Kamenashi-kun-you seem like a nice guy but I just-I don’t see you in that way. I mean-you’re Tatsuya’s friend.”
Ueda’s heart jumped when he heard Ryo call him by his first name.
“So what are you saying? That I don’t have a chance because I’m just ‘Tatsuya’s friend’? You’re not willing to look past that?”
“I can’t, I’m sorry.”
Kame chuckled, “You’ve got to be kidding me! Oh-but let me think. This isn’t about ME being Tatsuya’s friend. It’s about the fact that Tatsuya is the only one you can like-am I right?”
Ueda gasped softly.
Ryo gasped as well, “What are you talking about? I never said that!”
“It’s okay, Nishikido-kun. Your secret is safe with me. I don’t see any point in letting anyone else know-especially not Tatsuya-it’ll just make him even more big-headed than he already is!”
“Hey, don’t talk about him like that!”
“What? Does it annoy you when I insult your precious Tatsuya?”
“It’s not like that, okay?! I just don’t like hearing you talk about him like that. He’s supposed to be your best friend!”
“’Supposed to be’ is a great way of putting it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Kame sniffled, “Why don’t you ask him that yourself? Good night, Nishikido-kun-asshole!”
Kame stormed off, completely unaware that Ueda was close by, watching the entire thing. The boy opened and slammed the dorm entrance door, never once looking back at Ryo. Ryo, on the other hand, was scoffing to himself and sighing deeply. He put his hands behind his head and stared up at the sky, wondering where it all went wrong.
Ueda, meanwhile, was sneaking back into the dorm and quietly making his way back to the room. He was somewhat relieved that what had happened between Kame and Ryo had ended and that once again, he was free to pursue Ryo without any hindrances.
Of course, what bugged him was how much Ryo had denied being in love with Ueda. He tried to figure it out but was interrupted by Ryo who came barging in.
Ueda turned around, blushing only slightly at the sight of the other boy.
“H-How did your date go? You’re back so soon.”
“That Kamenashi-he’s frickin’ messed up!”
“W-What do you mean?”
“Apparently, this whole little thing he had with me was not because he wanted to piss off Akanishi. No-apparently-HE LIKES ME!”
Ueda feigned surprise, “Really?!”
“Yeah, and what’s more-this little date-it was supposed to be just a little game we had because Kamenashi told me that Akanishi would be going to the same restaurant that we were supposed to go to and we were supposed to go and pretend to be on a date, just to piss him off! But according to Kamenashi-it was an actual date!”
“No!” Ueda’s fake shock was undetected by Ryo, who was too annoyed to notice.
“I know! And then, get this, he says that I like-”
Ryo stopped himself, looking at Ueda, who seemed so eager to hear him go on. The former cleared his throat and mumbled something.
“Well, never mind. He’s just really screwed up.”
Ueda laughed, “Yeah, I’ve known him for years and usually, I wouldn’t be surprised that he’d pull something like this but tonight-I can’t say that I’m anything but completely shocked!”
As Ueda went on, Ryo looked at the other boy. He felt his heart racing and his skin prickling in the form of tiny goosebumps all over his arms. He noticed a smile on Ueda’s face and he felt his cheeks go hot. When their conversation ended and Ueda had fallen asleep, Ryo stared at the sleeping boy and wondered to himself.
“What’s wrong with me?” he thought. He sighed and let his thoughts merge until he had completely exhausted himself, and fallen asleep as well.
END CHAPTER 10
A/N: I hope you all don't mind a few more chapters in this series ^^ it's not ending any time soon, just as a warning XD I want to continue to thank all who are reading this series and who are commenting me as well. I really appreciate the feedback! It gives me motivation to continue with this story :) Thanks again and I'll be replying to comments as soon as I can ♥
Author: carcrashheart_8
Pairings: RyoDa, Ryo/OC, PiDa, KameDa [friendship], Akame, PiTakki [one-sided], RyoKame, JinNo
Rating: PG-13 [strong language and sexual references]
Summary: When his parents go overseas to work, Ueda is forced to go to an all-boys boarding school for his high school years. There, he meets Ryo Nishikido, a stubborn, strong-willed boy who ends up becoming his roommate. Ueda quickly falls for the other boy despite Ryo's rude words and bad attitude. Trouble starts up, however, and soon this seemingly one-sided love ends up becoming a love triangle and eventually a love square. Despite it all, Ueda must overcome these obstacles in order to maintain his spot at the elite high school.
Disclaimer: Title taken from "Wish We Were Older" by Metro Station
Chapter 10
“Oh, it’s just you, Ueda-I was hoping it was Jin,” a disappointed Junno huffed, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.
Ueda clutched his chest, still feeling shocked that Junno had screamed a confession to him, even if it was meant for someone else.
“What’s wrong with you?” Junno scoffed.
Ueda exhaled, letting out a big breath of air, and answered.
“You just gave me a real shock that’s all-I didn’t think that someone would just confess to me-at least not after what just happened to me.”
Junno seemed a bit interested, “Oh-what just happened to you?”
Ueda shook his head, “You wouldn’t be interested-it’s got nothing to do with you.”
Then, Junno put his hands on Ueda’s shoulders and stared at the other boy.
“I don’t mind hearing about it-after all, you promised you’d help me get Jin.”
Ueda hesitated but was interrupted before he got a chance to say anything.
“What are you two doing?”
The pair turned and saw a confused Jin looking back at them, his upper lip twitching as if he was disgusted by the sight in front of him. Junno took his hands off Ueda and started whistling, nonchalantly.
“N-Nothing, Akanishi-senpai,” Ueda stuttered, finding it hard to make eye contact with the taller boy; the reason most likely being because Ueda felt guilty for being the reason why Jin was dumped by Kame. He also didn’t like being the only one who knew that Junno liked Jin.
“Oi, Junno, why’re you hanging out with this guy?” Jin called to Junno, who had managed to sneak away undetected, for a few seconds. Junno turned around slowly like a thief who had been caught red-handed.
“Ah-no reason in particular. We just bumped into each other and U-Ueda-kun dropped his books, right, Ueda-kun?”
Junno smiled nervously at Ueda so that the other would agree to his made-up story. Ueda nodded his head shyly as Junno nodded his as well.
Jin looked at Ueda then back at Junno.
“He’s not carrying any books,” he said, in a deadpan tone of voice.
Junno turned the slightest shade of white at Jin’s realization. Then Ueda attempted to make up some sort of story but luckily, he was dragged away by an unseen person who surprised not only him, but also Jin and Junno.
Ueda looked up and saw Toma, with his arms around Ueda’s arm and a scowl on his face.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
Toma didn’t say anything and just pulled Ueda away, only releasing him when the two were alone in a deserted hallway. The taller man pushed Ueda against a wall and looked at him sternly. There was never a time that Ueda had felt so scared at the hands of one of his friends.
With his hands gripping Ueda’s shoulders, he whispered, “Did you dump Yamapi?”
Ueda felt himself gulp as a knot formed in his stomach.
“Didn’t you know?”
Toma shook his head furiously, “No one told me! Yamapi only spilled his guts to me now because I’d been suspicious as to why you two were avoiding each other so much lately!”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Ueda squeaked as he tried to wriggle out of Toma’s grip.
Toma let go and put his hand to his forehead, sighing dramatically.
“You idiots really make my life difficult, you know that?”
Ueda smiled awkwardly, before frowning when Toma glared at him. He cleared his throat and wiped his now sweaty hands on his pants.
“What happened anyways? Pi didn’t tell me anything except that you two broke up and that it was very hard seeing you all the time.”
“Ah? Really? I-I guess I haven’t really been paying attention to what Yamapi was doing, lately,” Ueda said, sounding a bit guilty.
Toma frowned, his eyebrows crinkling and his hands on his hips. He looked at Ueda seriously and replied with a somber tone.
“He’s been really messed-up since you broke it off with him. And it irritates me that you can’t even see that! I thought you cared about him-if not like a boyfriend, then at least like a friend. I mean, really, Tatsuya, are you that self-centered?!”
Ueda’s heartbeat slowed as he started to feel even worse. Toma was doing an awful great job at making the other one realize his mistake in not seeing how badly the breakup had affected Yamapi.
“W-Well, what am I supposed to do?” he managed to stutter.
Toma looked at him like the other was a complete idiot, “You! You-You could try talking to him! Try making sure he’s at least still alive! I swear-you and him and frickin’ Ryo are the stupidest people I’ve ever met! I-”
Ueda sniffled a bit and Toma took notice, stopping his rant and starting to be a little more sympathetic.
“I-I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell at you, Tatsuya. Its just-Ryo-this thing with Kamenashi is pissing me off so damn much! I mean-how do you feel-and what really happened with you and Yamapi? You never even answered me!”
Ueda smiled awkwardly once again, “That’s a lot of questions-and I-I’d love to explain everything to you but I have to go-go now.”
“Tatsuya-are you kidding me? What are you trying to hide from me? And why are you trying to hide it from me?”
Ueda sighed, “It’s not like I’m trying to hide it from you-I just have not had a really good day today! First, Kame tells me that he was IN LOVE with me and now he likes Ryo and is going to try and steal him from me! And then Taguchi-senpai-he’s trying to get me to help him with getting Akanishi-senpai’s attention. And then Akanishi-senpai-that jerk-he’s just-AGH!”
Toma blinked, and looked very confused.
“Wait-what?!”
Ueda sighed again, this time even deeper.
“Okay, here’s what happened with me and Yamapi. He-basically figured out that I liked Ryo because of the way that I acted when Kame and Ryo were pretending to date just so they could piss Akanishi-senpai off. Taguchi-senpai, at one time, asked me about Kame and Akanishi-senpai’s relationship and I figured out that Taguchi-senpai likes Akanishi-senpai. Anyways-back to Yamapi-he figured out that I liked Ryo and I didn’t exactly deny it. He got mad at me and almost-well-he kind of pinned me down to my bed and looked really-um-what’s the word-well, he looked like he was going to-”
“OH MY GAWD! HE WAS GOING TO RAPE YOU!?”
Ueda winced at the sound of Toma’s loud voice but humbly nodded in agreement.
“Y-Yeah-” he whispered, “Something like that.”
Toma’s mouth widened and he made a noise that sounded like he was in both shock and slight disgust. He allowed Ueda to continue, however.
“As I was saying, Yamapi and I had a talk and we decided that it was better to break up. He told me that he supported me going after Ryo and that all he wanted was for me to be happy. Actually-now that I think about it-I’m starting to feel like I never deserved Yamapi in the first place.”
Ueda paused. He started to think about what Kame had told him:
You’re nothing more to me than the guy who broke my heart-the guy who was too wrapped up in his own troubles to ever give his best friend a second glance.
Kame’s words had a strong affect on Ueda as he realized that not only had he neglected his best friend’s feelings for him, he had also disregarded the feelings Yamapi had so deeply for him. Kame was right; Ueda was “too wrapped up in his own troubles” and his mind was always on Ryo. For more than a year, he had tried to get the other boy to notice him, to see him as more than just the roommate he occasionally, or rather, frequently quarreled with. Ueda wanted Ryo to see him in the same way that he saw Ryo. He’d wanted this for so long and yet, nothing ever came of it. He only made Ryo angrier every time they fought and he’d only made himself feel worse.
“Maybe I should just give up,” he mumbled under his breath.
“What?”
Ueda looked at Toma through teary eyes. He managed to wipe them before the tears felt but he couldn’t hold back the quivering in his voice.
“I-I’ve caused so much trouble for everyone, especially Yamapi, with my stupid crush on Ryo. And, probably the worst part is he’ll never really know how I feel for him. He probably thinks that I’m just some idiot roommate and nothing more! No, wait-I KNOW that’s what he thinks of me.”
Toma attempted to stop Ueda from hurting himself even more with the words coming from his mouth.
“D-Don’t say that,” he laughed nervously, “you don’t know how Ryo really feels about you. Yeah, he’s pretty damn honest and will always say what’s on his mind but-he’s not exactly the best person when it comes to emotional stuff-at least not this kind of emotional stuff. I mean, he’s just-”
“It’s okay,” Ueda smiled though tears were staining his cheeks, “I don’t need you to cheer me up. I’ve decided-I’m going to give up on Ryo. I’m going to make everyone happy and not cause trouble anymore. I’ll let Kame know-he’s free to have Ryo all to himself.”
“Wait, Tatsuya, you don’t know what you’re doing,” Toma choked as Ueda started walking away.
But the other boy didn’t stop. He continued walking until he was out of Toma’s sight. It was strange that just earlier he had declared war on Kame for Ryo’s heart and yet, now, he was about to concede. It all had happened so fast but that was how life happened for Ueda. He’d never gotten a chance to let things stay at a steady pace; fate always had to throw him curveballs at the least appropriate of times.
Unfortunately for Ueda, this was one of those times.
He fell to his knees as someone crashed into him. His hair fell over his eyes and he wasn’t able to make out whom it was. But when he swept his hair out of his face, he saw a concerned Ryo bending over him, checking if he was all right.
“W-What happened?”
“Didn’t you see the sign?” Ryo pointed up and Ueda saw that a sign that was held above one of the classrooms had come crashing down and could have very well hit Ueda and quite possibly have knocked him unconscious. Thankfully, Ryo had come and saved him from such a fate.
Fate; it was something that had been on Ueda’s mind a lot at that time. And, as expected, at that moment, it was on his mind as Ryo helped him up from the ground.
“You really ought to be more careful-Tatsuya-kun,” Ryo nervously laughed, as he dusted his pants with his shaky hands.
Ueda’s heart stopped; had Ryo just called him by his first name? He’d still used an honorific but still there was some form of intimacy in the fact that he had been so casual. Ueda had never specifically given Ryo permission to call him by his first name but it didn’t really matter. Ueda’s heart started pumping quicker and quicker and the butterflies in his stomach returned in almost a split second. He sighed dreamily and felt his body warm up as his skin tingled.
“Hey! I’m talking to you!”
Ueda’s daydreaming stopped. Clearly, Ryo had returned back to his normal, confrontational state.
“I know you’re talking! I heard you!”
“The least you could do is thank me for saving you from your own idiocy!”
“Ooh, so you finally learned a word that doesn’t contain only four letters,” Ueda remarked in a condescending matter.
“You! I-I’m going to-You’re really annoying, you know that?!”
“I’m annoying?! You’re the one who yells at someone who almost got knocked unconscious! Clearly, you don’t understand the severity of the situation!”
“You’re such a big-mouth! I should do us all a favor and shut it-PERMANENTLY!”
As the two bickered, Toma came running up but stopped when he saw what was taking place. He smiled to himself for it was clear that Ueda hadn’t exactly given up on Ryo. The taller boy could tell from the way that the two were arguing that Ryo wasn’t about to give up on Ueda either. Toma didn’t even bother to know why they were fighting and just let them be.
Meanwhile, just around the corner, was Kame who scowled at the sight of the two roommates fighting. He muttered curse words under his breath before storming off, unnoticed by both Ueda and Ryo who had managed to prolong the argument by insulting each other’s hygienic habits.
“YOU STINK WORSE THAN THE GYM LOCKER ROOM!”
“YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE ROTTING FISH!”
“YOU LITTLE JACKASS!”
Ueda didn’t realize it but at that moment, he was moving farther and farther from the state he had been when he had talked to Toma just moments before. He also didn’t realize that he was falling more and more in love with Ryo with every insult thrown. It seemed odd but there were many things that weren’t exactly normal about Ueda.
The following week, Ueda was sitting in his desk in homeroom, feeling more awkward than he had previously. He was sitting behind Ryo and in front of Kame, both of whom were not speaking to him. Yamapi was still on speaking terms with him but he was so enthralled with the teacher to notice anything that was going on around himself. Ueda sighed but jumped when he felt a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around and looked at a smiling Kame.
“Hey, Tat-chan.”
Ueda replied coldly, “What do you want?”
“Oh, Tat-chan-don’t tell me you’re still mad. If anything, I should be the one who is mad-after all, you broke my heart,” Kame’s smile disappeared and he looked serious.
Ueda’s eyes widened, “Shh! Are you crazy?!”
Kame smiled again, taking pleasure in Ueda’s nervousness.
“Good-you’re feeling guilty. I’m glad,” he whispered, “Now, what I wanted to talk to you about was Nishikido-kun.”
“Huh?”
“Can you give him this note? I trust that you won’t read it before giving it to him,” Kame smiled widely as he handed a folded note to Ueda, who stared at it.
Ueda took the paper and continued staring at it, his lip twitching ever so slightly.
“Well, go on. Hand it to him.”
Ueda sighed and nodded, feeling defeated as he tapped Ryo on the shoulder. Ryo turned around and glared at him. Ueda just sighed again and handed the note and pointed his head in Kame’s general direction indicating that the note was in fact from Kame.
Ryo nodded and opened it. He then smiled at Kame and nodded his head as if he was agreeing to something. Ueda looked at both of them, his eyes darting back and forth between each boy as they smiled at each other. In Ueda’s mind, it was like they were flirting, right in front of him, in the middle of homeroom! They had no shame, he thought to himself, like animals, practically drooling over one another.
“Tat-chan,” Kame whispered, his eyes staring at the other boy’s hands. Ueda had grabbed his notebook and was about to rip it in half.
“S-Sorry,” Ueda smiled awkwardly as he placed Kame’s notebook back on the boy’s desk. He turned around and shook his head to relieve himself from the consuming thoughts inside of his head. He then was tapped again on the shoulder by Kame. Kame handed him a note intended not for Ryo but for Ueda. Ueda stared at it and opened it, and read the neat cursive words inside.
Nishikido-kun and I are going on a date tonight. Don’t wait up for him. ;)
Kame snickered as Ueda read the note. The latter clutched the note before crumbling it up noisily. He glared at Ueda who just continued to laugh sadistically. Ueda’s anger almost drew to a boiling point but since he was in class, there were no punches exchanged. All Ueda could do was turn around and let himself calm down as he fought the image of Kame and Ryo on a date.
That evening, as Ryo was getting dressed for his “date” with Kame, Ueda was pretending to do his homework. He was actually doodling on his notebook pages, writing the words “Death to Kame” over and over again in the margins. He would occasionally stare at Ryo, longingly as the other boy was getting ready. Ryo would look back but Ueda would always pretend that he was never gawking at his roommate in the first place. Ryo smiled to himself as he looked in the mirror and made sure his hair looked just right.
He checked his alarm clock and clicked his tongue. He grabbed his jacket from his closet and told Ueda, “I’m going out with Kamenashi-kun tonight. Don’t wait up for him-we might be a little late if you know what I mean.”
Ueda’s pencil snapped in half. He turned slowly towards Ryo and pretended to smile a wide smile.
He replied through clenched teeth, “Have fun on your date.”
Ryo laughed and practically skipped out of the room. Ueda, on the other hand, could only feel his anger spill out once the door closed. He threw all his papers and books off his desk and jumped up from his desk chair, which he proceeded to knock over. He kicked his bed and threw everything on it onto the floor. He would’ve gone after Ryo’s side of the room had it not been for a knock on his door.
“If that’s Ryo, I’m going to-Yamapi! Toma! What are you guys doing here?”
The pair stormed in and looked around the room as if they were checking for something. Ueda just stared at them, confused.
“Uh-guys?”
“Where is he?” Toma growled.
“Who?”
“Your idiot of a roommate!” Yamapi snapped.
Ueda gulped.
“Ah-he just left. He’s going out with Kame tonight.”
“THAT IDIOT ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH WITH IT?!” Toma screamed.
Ueda nearly fell back onto his bed.
“I SWEAR I COULD KILL RYO SOMETIMES! HE’S GOT THE BRAIN THE SIZE OF A WALNUT!”
Ueda’s eyebrows went up.
“Um-anyone wanna tell me what’s going on?”
Yamapi and Toma looked at him, acting as if they were unable to understand.
“What do you mean? Ryo-your roommate-the guy you’ve been in love with since last year-is going out with your best friend-well I assume Kamenashi is now your ex-best friend-but still!”
Yamapi added, “The idiot doesn’t even know Kamenashi that well! He told us ‘but I think he’s a really cute guy’. Please-Ryo wouldn’t know cute if it kicked him in the ass! And it just might!”
Apparently, Yamapi was referring to himself but Ueda didn’t catch on.
“I don’t understand. Why are you guys so mad though?”
Yamapi sat down on Ueda’s bed, as did Toma. Toma grabbed Ueda’s arm and made the shorter boy sit down between the two of them. Ueda felt uncomfortable being so close between the two rage-induced boys.
Yamapi began, “Tat-chan-I mean-Tatsuya-Toma and I care about you a lot. You’ve become one of our closest friends and we don’t want you to ever be unhappy. We want what’s best for you and-apparently, that means Ryo.”
“Okay, dad?” Ueda quipped, “I don’t think I need you guys to look out for me. I’m perfectly fine on my own.”
Toma scoffed, “Yeah, right.”
Ueda turned and said, “Excuse me?”
Toma crossed his arms and leant back on the bed, “If it wasn’t for us, you would never have gotten to know Ryo so well. If it weren’t for us, Ryo would have killed you by now-for whatever reason. The point is, we’re the ones protecting you from his wrath and at the same time, we’re the ones protecting you from yourself.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Ueda growled, jumping up from the bed and staring at his so-called “friends”.
“Calm down, Tatsuya, I’m just speaking the truth. Even when you and Pi were together, I was still around to make sure that shit didn’t start happening between you two and Ryo. Believe it or not, I helped! And Yamapi did as well-well before you two were a couple and even now that you’re not, he’s still willing to help! You gotta admit-that’s either really stupid of him or really generous.”
“Hey,” Yamapi defended.
“Sorry, Pi-but it’s true,” Toma patted his friend’s shoulder.
Yamapi shrugged his shoulders and looked at Ueda, “Tatsuya-if you let this just happen, who knows what will happen between Ryo and Kamenashi? From what Toma’s told me, Kamenashi has already told you that he likes Ryo and plans to make him his. I can’t see someone as stubborn and as narrow-minded as you just letting something like that happen!”
Ueda thought to himself. Yamapi and Toma were right. Not only had they been there for him, despite his own selfishness, they were also the ones that were more aware of the situation than he, himself was. He sighed.
“But what can I really do? I can’t just go after Ryo and stop the date from happening. I’d just be revealing that I like him! And what if he really likes Kame? I’ll just end up looking like a bigger loser than I am now!”
“You’re not a loser,” Toma scoffed again.
“Oh, really? Look at me, Toma! I’m in love with my roommate and I don’t have the guts to tell him! I have to have you guys always protect me from him and I can’t even manage to do anything on my own! How can you not say I’m a loser?! And, Gawd, Ryo probably thinks I’m the biggest loser there is!”
Toma and Yamapi shook their heads, disappointedly.
“If that’s the kind of mindset, you’re going to have-then you’re never going to be happy in life,” Yamapi stated matter-of-factly.
Toma nodded in agreement, “Yeah-if that’s the way you feel then who’s to say that you even deserve our help?”
Ueda sighed heavily, “Guys, I just-”
“No, it’s fine, Tatsuya. We should’ve known that you were a lost cause. I mean-like you said, you’re just a loser, right?” Toma pretended to laugh.
Yamapi nodded, “We just wasted our time. Come on, Toma, let’s go.”
The pair left, shaking their heads and mumbling to each other about how Ueda had been a disappointment to them. When they left, their words started to sink into Ueda’s mind as he thought and thought to himself.
It wasn’t long before he realized that he had to take this chance to get Ryo before Kame had a chance to fully steal him away. He grabbed his coat and ran out of the room, and down the hallway. What he didn’t notice was Toma and Yamapi standing close by watching as he ran by, smiling and giving each other hi-fives.
No, Ueda didn’t notice because his mind was completely focused on Ryo. He ran but came to a halt when he saw Kame and Ryo standing in what seemed like a face-off, not too far from the dorm’s entrance. It looked like they hadn’t even left for their date and Ueda was curious why.
He stood by, out of sight but within range so that he could hear clearly.
“Is that why you were yelling about us being a couple?” Ryo said first.
Ueda looked at Kame who was on the verge of tears.
The boy nodded and softly said, “It was never about me making Jin jealous-I just thought that it would give me a chance to get to know you so that I could properly confess to you.”
Ryo looked a little angry, as if he had been deceived.
“I was okay with getting that Akanishi guy pissed off but this-I can’t do this.”
“Why not? You haven’t even really given me a chance,” Kame started to sound less sad and more irritated.
“Look, Kamenashi-kun-you seem like a nice guy but I just-I don’t see you in that way. I mean-you’re Tatsuya’s friend.”
Ueda’s heart jumped when he heard Ryo call him by his first name.
“So what are you saying? That I don’t have a chance because I’m just ‘Tatsuya’s friend’? You’re not willing to look past that?”
“I can’t, I’m sorry.”
Kame chuckled, “You’ve got to be kidding me! Oh-but let me think. This isn’t about ME being Tatsuya’s friend. It’s about the fact that Tatsuya is the only one you can like-am I right?”
Ueda gasped softly.
Ryo gasped as well, “What are you talking about? I never said that!”
“It’s okay, Nishikido-kun. Your secret is safe with me. I don’t see any point in letting anyone else know-especially not Tatsuya-it’ll just make him even more big-headed than he already is!”
“Hey, don’t talk about him like that!”
“What? Does it annoy you when I insult your precious Tatsuya?”
“It’s not like that, okay?! I just don’t like hearing you talk about him like that. He’s supposed to be your best friend!”
“’Supposed to be’ is a great way of putting it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Kame sniffled, “Why don’t you ask him that yourself? Good night, Nishikido-kun-asshole!”
Kame stormed off, completely unaware that Ueda was close by, watching the entire thing. The boy opened and slammed the dorm entrance door, never once looking back at Ryo. Ryo, on the other hand, was scoffing to himself and sighing deeply. He put his hands behind his head and stared up at the sky, wondering where it all went wrong.
Ueda, meanwhile, was sneaking back into the dorm and quietly making his way back to the room. He was somewhat relieved that what had happened between Kame and Ryo had ended and that once again, he was free to pursue Ryo without any hindrances.
Of course, what bugged him was how much Ryo had denied being in love with Ueda. He tried to figure it out but was interrupted by Ryo who came barging in.
Ueda turned around, blushing only slightly at the sight of the other boy.
“H-How did your date go? You’re back so soon.”
“That Kamenashi-he’s frickin’ messed up!”
“W-What do you mean?”
“Apparently, this whole little thing he had with me was not because he wanted to piss off Akanishi. No-apparently-HE LIKES ME!”
Ueda feigned surprise, “Really?!”
“Yeah, and what’s more-this little date-it was supposed to be just a little game we had because Kamenashi told me that Akanishi would be going to the same restaurant that we were supposed to go to and we were supposed to go and pretend to be on a date, just to piss him off! But according to Kamenashi-it was an actual date!”
“No!” Ueda’s fake shock was undetected by Ryo, who was too annoyed to notice.
“I know! And then, get this, he says that I like-”
Ryo stopped himself, looking at Ueda, who seemed so eager to hear him go on. The former cleared his throat and mumbled something.
“Well, never mind. He’s just really screwed up.”
Ueda laughed, “Yeah, I’ve known him for years and usually, I wouldn’t be surprised that he’d pull something like this but tonight-I can’t say that I’m anything but completely shocked!”
As Ueda went on, Ryo looked at the other boy. He felt his heart racing and his skin prickling in the form of tiny goosebumps all over his arms. He noticed a smile on Ueda’s face and he felt his cheeks go hot. When their conversation ended and Ueda had fallen asleep, Ryo stared at the sleeping boy and wondered to himself.
“What’s wrong with me?” he thought. He sighed and let his thoughts merge until he had completely exhausted himself, and fallen asleep as well.
END CHAPTER 10
A/N: I hope you all don't mind a few more chapters in this series ^^ it's not ending any time soon, just as a warning XD I want to continue to thank all who are reading this series and who are commenting me as well. I really appreciate the feedback! It gives me motivation to continue with this story :) Thanks again and I'll be replying to comments as soon as I can ♥