loss
I lost my mucous plug around eleven pm last night. By "lost," I don't mean "misplaced," but rather the fact that I no longer have it and it's disappeared into the oblivion that is the sewage system. It was a brownish, presumbly gooey blob somewhat reminiscent of kindergarten paste, that I'd never seen before last night, and yet, have had for the past nine-ish months. It's done its job in protecting Raspberry from the pathogenic outer world and I suppose it decided that it's a case of mission accomplished, and now gone on its merry way. Perhaps I should be more attached to something I've had for so long, something so useful in its function, but really, while its departure was slightly saddening, it freaked me out more than anything. Thereafter, I sat with my eyes bugged out (so Lucas tells me), my mind racing with little more than "ohmygod"s.
The sagely books so very helpfully tell me that the loss of the mucous plug means labour is anywhere from hours to days to weeks away. I'm really hoping that in my case, it means "days," because I don't think I'm ready for labour beginning in "hours." But, it's been about twelve hours and I'm sitting here whiling my life away on the Internet, so "hours" probably doesn't quite pertain to me any longer. What it probably does mean is that Raspberry will likely arrive sometime this week, either by its own will, or by induction, if it fails to show up within a week from yesterday (the obstetrician says she won't let fetuses stay in for more than ten days past its due date; although, at all four of the ultrasound appointments, Raspberry was estimated to be a week younger than generally thought. So this could mean that it's not really "late" per se, but rather, more likely on time, should it show up this week).
The thought of it definitely showing up in a week or less is mind-jarring. Last night, in my bug-eyed state, I acquired an irrational fear of going to sleep -- I bizzarely believed that falling into slumber would precipitate labour, ruptured amniotic sacs and the like, and that in a frenzy, I'd be waddling to the hospital in the dead of the night (which, of course, didn't happen). Instead, I fell into a mildly fitful sleep and awoke before five am with a somewhat full bladder, and a mind that couldn't stop thinking about my student loans, the lost mucous plug and the consequences of its loss. At this moment, I would just like some sleep without having to think about anything relating to childbirth. Actually, I would like a few days without having to think about it, but with the phone ringing a lot more frequently than usual, with people asking us if it's time ("no, didn't we say we'd let you know?"), I don't think I can escape those aforementioned thoughts.