(no subject)
It would, no doubt, be helpful if I wrote in this before I hit the crisis point. Then you guys would have some idea of what was going on, and i could maybe catch shit like this before it turned into said crisis. Oh well, so much for self-responsibility.
I told Matt, something like three weeks ago, that I was fixing up the three upstairs rooms to be an apartment of sorts. Since he wouldn't cooperate with me on the money, I was paying set rent. I have stuck to that, and starting in August I take over one of the credit card payments, so at least one of the damn things will be going down. The credit card, of course, is going up awfully fast.
Anyway, after I'd been sleeping about stairs a couple of weeks, Matt decides he wants to fix up the basement. We spent about 40 on random crap to make holes in the wall, and another 25ish on tools to do it. Since he was getting all the crap, I threw on a couple of the plastic storage things so I could move stuff out to the shelves in the garage. So we put like an extra 100 on the card. We aren't even paying 100 on the card. So we're just going into the hole. In the mean time, he has to go to a bunch of doctors and such, and since we don't have any money saved up that all goes on the card too. IT was only at 2000, but I bet its up to 3000 now. I can't handle more debt. There's threat one. Since I'm freaking out about it, I am focusing on time-wasting activities that involve money. Neopets, WoW, and the Sims if I wasn't so into WoW.. I think I will calm down once school starts, since studying will channel into a productive activity. I hope. I'm already working as many hours as The store and Kay can give me, which lets me make like 900 a month, maybe a little more. Not sure yet, since this will be my first full month of working with Kay. I need to make sure I am getting the full 15 hours a week, and since I'm sorta depressed I know I have trouble getting motivated for it. I almost wish I could get yet another job, but once school starts, I won't be able to handle that. I could space the next two semesters out more and see what happens. I hope James gets his job offer.
Ok, now I'm off topic. I need to work this shit out. I know part of my issue is not being able to handle the lack of money. I wish this would keep up with my typing, might make it easier.
So separating the money isn't going to help unless I can keep him from running up the credit card. I don't want to do like grandma did, and spend it on something useful since its going to get spent anyway. I can't make him let me watch the money, or convince him to get help from someone. I guess I have to destroy the card? Or save up enough to close out the account...not gonna happen anytime soon. Or leave and make sure the debt can no longer affect me.
So on this one, the workable choices seem to be:
A) Take up yoga and some major stress control habits, and wait till school ends to see what change you can make.
B) Find another source of income and work your ass off.
C) Somehow force Matt to get rid of the credit card.
D) Leave.
Will giving myself some spending money make me feel better, or will I just end up hordeing it in the hopes of getting myself out of debt? I never buy useful stuff even when I do shop, but maybe some clothes, or something that would be usefull in the de-stressing area? Something I need to think about.
Working on the house, I think was a good sign though. It did seem like he was trying something. Attempting to make it look better, and be more useful, is a good move. I do thing he did it because I was ignoring the downstairs and he wanted me to be forced to acknowledge it, miss it, spend time down there. Subconsciously, of course. And it worked, We've been watching TV down there the past few nights. Of course, its such a huge mess that you can't walk around without hurting yourself. Which is my next problem. I have no motivation to clean the house. None. Its not really that bad, but I would like to make sure all the maintenance crap is done before I start school. Reorganizing, cleaning the microwave, fridge, oven..that sort of stuff. I don't even have my usual getting angry problem, I know how to handle that and it rarely stays in my way any more. This is more a total lack of caring. I've been basically sitting around the psat few days. I'm doing ok at work, I can still do that. I'm not doing to bad at getting my accounting work done, I even ran out of things to do..but the house is barely being kept up with, much less improved on. I can't think of any specific reason, maybe its just overall depression? Because it even includes the rooms that I'm staying in. As far as I can tell, there isn't much i can do to fix this. Proly are things I can do to help.
a) De-stressing again.
b) Plan it into the day.
c) Start with cleaning instead of games.
d) Turn of the comp.
e) Write in here more often..as always.
Matt does seem to be trying. I'm noticing things. The work hes trying to do downstairs, the rather low-brow compliments he tries to give me. Last night when he went up to get koolaid he started to just refill the cup. then remembered that I think that's icky and dumped everything out and rinsed it. (Either that, or there was a bug. Didn't ask.) Still no sex. I don't know if its ever going to be enough. Little bits of trying like that aren't going to make up for how much of a slob he is, for how completely unsupportive he is, for how lonely I am. We watched a bunch of House last night, and it was wierd. Cameron and House were on this date, and he was talking about how she just wanted to fix him. And then his ex comes back and she says she loves him, but shes too lonely. I can't be lonely, I don't handle it well. It would make us both unhappy.
Will post more bitching later.
I told Matt, something like three weeks ago, that I was fixing up the three upstairs rooms to be an apartment of sorts. Since he wouldn't cooperate with me on the money, I was paying set rent. I have stuck to that, and starting in August I take over one of the credit card payments, so at least one of the damn things will be going down. The credit card, of course, is going up awfully fast.
Anyway, after I'd been sleeping about stairs a couple of weeks, Matt decides he wants to fix up the basement. We spent about 40 on random crap to make holes in the wall, and another 25ish on tools to do it. Since he was getting all the crap, I threw on a couple of the plastic storage things so I could move stuff out to the shelves in the garage. So we put like an extra 100 on the card. We aren't even paying 100 on the card. So we're just going into the hole. In the mean time, he has to go to a bunch of doctors and such, and since we don't have any money saved up that all goes on the card too. IT was only at 2000, but I bet its up to 3000 now. I can't handle more debt. There's threat one. Since I'm freaking out about it, I am focusing on time-wasting activities that involve money. Neopets, WoW, and the Sims if I wasn't so into WoW.. I think I will calm down once school starts, since studying will channel into a productive activity. I hope. I'm already working as many hours as The store and Kay can give me, which lets me make like 900 a month, maybe a little more. Not sure yet, since this will be my first full month of working with Kay. I need to make sure I am getting the full 15 hours a week, and since I'm sorta depressed I know I have trouble getting motivated for it. I almost wish I could get yet another job, but once school starts, I won't be able to handle that. I could space the next two semesters out more and see what happens. I hope James gets his job offer.
Ok, now I'm off topic. I need to work this shit out. I know part of my issue is not being able to handle the lack of money. I wish this would keep up with my typing, might make it easier.
So separating the money isn't going to help unless I can keep him from running up the credit card. I don't want to do like grandma did, and spend it on something useful since its going to get spent anyway. I can't make him let me watch the money, or convince him to get help from someone. I guess I have to destroy the card? Or save up enough to close out the account...not gonna happen anytime soon. Or leave and make sure the debt can no longer affect me.
So on this one, the workable choices seem to be:
A) Take up yoga and some major stress control habits, and wait till school ends to see what change you can make.
B) Find another source of income and work your ass off.
C) Somehow force Matt to get rid of the credit card.
D) Leave.
Will giving myself some spending money make me feel better, or will I just end up hordeing it in the hopes of getting myself out of debt? I never buy useful stuff even when I do shop, but maybe some clothes, or something that would be usefull in the de-stressing area? Something I need to think about.
Working on the house, I think was a good sign though. It did seem like he was trying something. Attempting to make it look better, and be more useful, is a good move. I do thing he did it because I was ignoring the downstairs and he wanted me to be forced to acknowledge it, miss it, spend time down there. Subconsciously, of course. And it worked, We've been watching TV down there the past few nights. Of course, its such a huge mess that you can't walk around without hurting yourself. Which is my next problem. I have no motivation to clean the house. None. Its not really that bad, but I would like to make sure all the maintenance crap is done before I start school. Reorganizing, cleaning the microwave, fridge, oven..that sort of stuff. I don't even have my usual getting angry problem, I know how to handle that and it rarely stays in my way any more. This is more a total lack of caring. I've been basically sitting around the psat few days. I'm doing ok at work, I can still do that. I'm not doing to bad at getting my accounting work done, I even ran out of things to do..but the house is barely being kept up with, much less improved on. I can't think of any specific reason, maybe its just overall depression? Because it even includes the rooms that I'm staying in. As far as I can tell, there isn't much i can do to fix this. Proly are things I can do to help.
a) De-stressing again.
b) Plan it into the day.
c) Start with cleaning instead of games.
d) Turn of the comp.
e) Write in here more often..as always.
Matt does seem to be trying. I'm noticing things. The work hes trying to do downstairs, the rather low-brow compliments he tries to give me. Last night when he went up to get koolaid he started to just refill the cup. then remembered that I think that's icky and dumped everything out and rinsed it. (Either that, or there was a bug. Didn't ask.) Still no sex. I don't know if its ever going to be enough. Little bits of trying like that aren't going to make up for how much of a slob he is, for how completely unsupportive he is, for how lonely I am. We watched a bunch of House last night, and it was wierd. Cameron and House were on this date, and he was talking about how she just wanted to fix him. And then his ex comes back and she says she loves him, but shes too lonely. I can't be lonely, I don't handle it well. It would make us both unhappy.
Will post more bitching later.