pollen is the bad guy =/
I've been writing in here for a while now, all private because I bitch so much. lol. I miss all of you though, plus I'm sure sooo many of you are interested in whats going on in my life. Right.
The allergy sense is kicking the shit out of me. I'm on two anti-histamines and had to run out today to buy some Visine allergy drops. At least they work. I was about to ruin my eyes. As such, I feel miserable. So I haven't been doing any housework, which I'm sure isn't helping. I plan to get my MP3 player and spend tomorrow dusting and de-cathairing the house. Hopefully by then I'll be a little more used to the pills and they won't make me feel so loopy. I did get a lot of homework done today and yesterday. I wish I wasn't on such a tight schedule for it. The new store is due to open on the 1st, and we have a tons of work to do still. This next test is on the 13th, so I have to be done with all the studying and the paper by then. I'm really excited about both the new store and school, so I feel pretty torn between the two. I studied really well for the last test, and am pretty happy with myself for how easily I went through it. I'm trying to pick what to be when I grow up, so on top of all the work for the store and the homework I'm wanting to read all of these books to narrow down what I -really- want to do. Most of the things I'm interested in mesh together pretty well though, so its not a huge deal if I pick the wrong one.. I'm just worried that feeling all icky and Matt being a lump on a couch will kill my enthusiasm. =/
I'm still wasting too much time on WoW. I think once mom is really moved out I will use the parental controls to make it a night time only thing. I don't need more than 3 hours a day anyway, and then I won't sit and it and get all stuck. I just have to limit my time with notallwaysright.com and then I'll be all set. I won't have as much time for it anyways while the store is openning, and then fall semester I'm going to try to take full-time classes. I know how to study some better after practicing with this class, but I don't know how well I'll do when I'm trying to study at home instead of at school with no distractions. I guess thats what the parental controls are for, although I also tend to put if off by cleaning. Oh well, at least cleaning gets done.
I feel like I need to talk, but now that I'm typing I guess I have nothing to say. I guess what I'm feeling is needing to talk to Matt. I'm worried about him. I'm bored, and annoyed, and thats about all the feelings I have left. It seems like he is depressed or maybe just really apathetic, but whatever it is its making us not have a life. He was talking yesterday about being burnt out on life and wanting to go on Vacation. Proplem is, thats a temp fix. Hes bored because he doesn't ever -do- anything. Hes played enough video games by now for a whole life. He isn't saving any money, so we can't go on vacation until he does, by then he'll be so grumpy I won't want to talk to him. And we really need any money he can save to go toward needs, like a car or paying off the bill thats gotten sent to collections. I know that once I start working more I'll hold a little more power to make him be more responsible with the money, or at least leave me my back up plan. Still, the stress of it is killing me. I'm off my diet, I get snappy with everyone, I get mad beyond words. And he still won't talk about it. Any of it. The money, his rather depressed seeming behavior, the rather boring life we lead. I know he isn't the type to like responsibilities, but relationships come with a couple. I don't think he understands that. I don't think he understands me.
I hate that I keep focusing on this instead of on stuff I like. So he lays around the house like a blob, so what? I can still do the stuff I'm interested in. If only my feelings believed me.
The allergy sense is kicking the shit out of me. I'm on two anti-histamines and had to run out today to buy some Visine allergy drops. At least they work. I was about to ruin my eyes. As such, I feel miserable. So I haven't been doing any housework, which I'm sure isn't helping. I plan to get my MP3 player and spend tomorrow dusting and de-cathairing the house. Hopefully by then I'll be a little more used to the pills and they won't make me feel so loopy. I did get a lot of homework done today and yesterday. I wish I wasn't on such a tight schedule for it. The new store is due to open on the 1st, and we have a tons of work to do still. This next test is on the 13th, so I have to be done with all the studying and the paper by then. I'm really excited about both the new store and school, so I feel pretty torn between the two. I studied really well for the last test, and am pretty happy with myself for how easily I went through it. I'm trying to pick what to be when I grow up, so on top of all the work for the store and the homework I'm wanting to read all of these books to narrow down what I -really- want to do. Most of the things I'm interested in mesh together pretty well though, so its not a huge deal if I pick the wrong one.. I'm just worried that feeling all icky and Matt being a lump on a couch will kill my enthusiasm. =/
I'm still wasting too much time on WoW. I think once mom is really moved out I will use the parental controls to make it a night time only thing. I don't need more than 3 hours a day anyway, and then I won't sit and it and get all stuck. I just have to limit my time with notallwaysright.com and then I'll be all set. I won't have as much time for it anyways while the store is openning, and then fall semester I'm going to try to take full-time classes. I know how to study some better after practicing with this class, but I don't know how well I'll do when I'm trying to study at home instead of at school with no distractions. I guess thats what the parental controls are for, although I also tend to put if off by cleaning. Oh well, at least cleaning gets done.
I feel like I need to talk, but now that I'm typing I guess I have nothing to say. I guess what I'm feeling is needing to talk to Matt. I'm worried about him. I'm bored, and annoyed, and thats about all the feelings I have left. It seems like he is depressed or maybe just really apathetic, but whatever it is its making us not have a life. He was talking yesterday about being burnt out on life and wanting to go on Vacation. Proplem is, thats a temp fix. Hes bored because he doesn't ever -do- anything. Hes played enough video games by now for a whole life. He isn't saving any money, so we can't go on vacation until he does, by then he'll be so grumpy I won't want to talk to him. And we really need any money he can save to go toward needs, like a car or paying off the bill thats gotten sent to collections. I know that once I start working more I'll hold a little more power to make him be more responsible with the money, or at least leave me my back up plan. Still, the stress of it is killing me. I'm off my diet, I get snappy with everyone, I get mad beyond words. And he still won't talk about it. Any of it. The money, his rather depressed seeming behavior, the rather boring life we lead. I know he isn't the type to like responsibilities, but relationships come with a couple. I don't think he understands that. I don't think he understands me.
I hate that I keep focusing on this instead of on stuff I like. So he lays around the house like a blob, so what? I can still do the stuff I'm interested in. If only my feelings believed me.