(no subject)
i want to update more. it's just hard b/c i don't have my own computer. but anyway, so last night was nate's bbq at his house. it was okay, kind of awkward for me, b/c ben was there, and we were all sitting in nate's courtyard and i needed a chair. the only one open was next to ben. totally uncomfortable. he kept trying to make small talk, i'd rather ignore him. but the truth is, i don't want to ignore him, but i don't want to pretend like we're friends now. you don't become friends that quickly after breaking up. especially because we were so close.
annyyywwayyy....it was nice how everyone came, i was glad. a good group of people. after most people left, the remaining ( me, nate, julie, ben, and jen) went up to the deck and sang songs and talked. it was fun. i feel way more at ease in smaller groups. when everyone was there, there was wayy too much conversation going on at once. everyone was talking about their great trips to south america. i felt left out, and annoyed. but i'm just jealous b/c i've been here. hopefully next summer will be better. it's gotta be.
today's the two month mark of johnny's death. i still can't believe that he's gone. i miss him so much.
next update i'll try to be more cheerful.
annyyywwayyy....it was nice how everyone came, i was glad. a good group of people. after most people left, the remaining ( me, nate, julie, ben, and jen) went up to the deck and sang songs and talked. it was fun. i feel way more at ease in smaller groups. when everyone was there, there was wayy too much conversation going on at once. everyone was talking about their great trips to south america. i felt left out, and annoyed. but i'm just jealous b/c i've been here. hopefully next summer will be better. it's gotta be.
today's the two month mark of johnny's death. i still can't believe that he's gone. i miss him so much.
next update i'll try to be more cheerful.