blah-ba-de blah blah
alright alright...it seems i only come to LJ to check up on people i don't get to talk to often..to make sure things are goin ok...even if sometimes entries here are much needed outlets of extreme emotions, not necessarily day to day. buut this is good...i'm def about to have one of those moments of venting. i don't know what about, all i know is i need to write about something more like many things...to sort everything out.
i'm not necessarily happy. i don't have much to be UNhappy about. and the thing is that i was always told that i am extraordinarily blessed..and i DO believe that i am...i think that it makes me very optimistic about things. so WAY more often than not, when things aren't going smoothly in my life, i think to myself, "this is nothing, it could be a WHOLE lot worse" so i never really get upset about things. until i have nights like these. when i think too long and too hard and listen to coldplay and wonder about my future and dream about love of all kinds. every once in a while i have consecutive days and nights of this solemnity...and everytime, i pull myself out of it with little more clarity than i began with, instead i'm just comfortable with the unsettled feeling i had. these little episodes aren't all bad...they often bring about an artistic energy which then keeps me busy with a project for a while. aaahhh...i just want answers. not all of them (that would be boring). hell, i'd even take little clues to push me along in the right direction or keep me from running away from what i really need/want. i'm scared. but i don't know what of?? i guess what everyone else is scared of...being unhappy? because if one is happy than most likely they have a sufficient amount of love, success, and hope for the future. which are all individual things that people want in life, right? hmmm but what if there is more to it than that??
i do everything the hard way. i often go the long way...make things more difficult than they have to be. or make things into more than they are...OR keep from things developing into what they could potentially be. what is up with that?? i mean come OONN!!!
my mom always says that i'm sooo outgoing...but lately i'm wondering. granted it could be the mellowness of the summer. i feel so blah lately. maybe my job is takin a toll on me. maybe this town is too slow for me. maybe i'm not dancin enough. maybe i miss too many people. maybe i know that the end of the summer brings leavin my best friend of 17 years here. maybe i'm sick of having a wierdo moody dad and tired of hoping that he'll change.
i should go to the health food store more. i'm going to look for new music that makes me want to create dances. i'm going to remember how it feels when everything is a-ok. and realize that even then there are things that could be better in my life, but for whatever reason i'm ok with it because it'll all work out. and when i'm feeling especially crappy...i will keep feelin crappy for a while...maybe cry a little. i heard that every tear shed is another moment lived. and if that isn't necessarily true it sounds nice and maybe i'll stop holding in emotions. but mostly i need to trust myself and the people i surround myself with and God. because it always works out, and i will end up where i belong.
soooo...this is night two of the consecutive nights of too much thinking. but hopefully it's almost over, my head hurts and i'm ready to be in a fantastic mood!
i'm looking forward to some excitement to get out of the monotonosity of this summer. and if that's not a word i don't know what is! lol
"all you need is love"
dave knows best ;)
i'm not necessarily happy. i don't have much to be UNhappy about. and the thing is that i was always told that i am extraordinarily blessed..and i DO believe that i am...i think that it makes me very optimistic about things. so WAY more often than not, when things aren't going smoothly in my life, i think to myself, "this is nothing, it could be a WHOLE lot worse" so i never really get upset about things. until i have nights like these. when i think too long and too hard and listen to coldplay and wonder about my future and dream about love of all kinds. every once in a while i have consecutive days and nights of this solemnity...and everytime, i pull myself out of it with little more clarity than i began with, instead i'm just comfortable with the unsettled feeling i had. these little episodes aren't all bad...they often bring about an artistic energy which then keeps me busy with a project for a while. aaahhh...i just want answers. not all of them (that would be boring). hell, i'd even take little clues to push me along in the right direction or keep me from running away from what i really need/want. i'm scared. but i don't know what of?? i guess what everyone else is scared of...being unhappy? because if one is happy than most likely they have a sufficient amount of love, success, and hope for the future. which are all individual things that people want in life, right? hmmm but what if there is more to it than that??
i do everything the hard way. i often go the long way...make things more difficult than they have to be. or make things into more than they are...OR keep from things developing into what they could potentially be. what is up with that?? i mean come OONN!!!
my mom always says that i'm sooo outgoing...but lately i'm wondering. granted it could be the mellowness of the summer. i feel so blah lately. maybe my job is takin a toll on me. maybe this town is too slow for me. maybe i'm not dancin enough. maybe i miss too many people. maybe i know that the end of the summer brings leavin my best friend of 17 years here. maybe i'm sick of having a wierdo moody dad and tired of hoping that he'll change.
i should go to the health food store more. i'm going to look for new music that makes me want to create dances. i'm going to remember how it feels when everything is a-ok. and realize that even then there are things that could be better in my life, but for whatever reason i'm ok with it because it'll all work out. and when i'm feeling especially crappy...i will keep feelin crappy for a while...maybe cry a little. i heard that every tear shed is another moment lived. and if that isn't necessarily true it sounds nice and maybe i'll stop holding in emotions. but mostly i need to trust myself and the people i surround myself with and God. because it always works out, and i will end up where i belong.
soooo...this is night two of the consecutive nights of too much thinking. but hopefully it's almost over, my head hurts and i'm ready to be in a fantastic mood!
i'm looking forward to some excitement to get out of the monotonosity of this summer. and if that's not a word i don't know what is! lol
"all you need is love"
dave knows best ;)