one day without you is 23 hours too much...
i just can't get him out of my head. and it's not helping that he hasnt answered his phone since 8 last night... even though he was supposed to call me back. of course, my imagination is running rampant, and that makes me really mad. not only does it make me feel not-so-great, but i can't tell him about it, or he'll feel not-so-great about me. i know i'm blowing things out of proportion, and being rediculous, and silly, and insane... but jeeze. i can't help it. but at least he doesnt have to know how crazy i am. at least i'm sane enough to hide it. i'm so excited for him to come up here, but at the same time, i'm scared to death he's going to say goodbye before that can happen. i know i'm overreacting. it's ONE DAY. it should be no big deal. maybe he decided to have game night, or see a movie, or spend all day at the gym, or maybe he's on call. it's one day. but starting about two weeks before i went to reno, we were talking every day. i know he slacked off and got flakey after the last time i was in reno, so i guess it's to be exepected, you know "you were just here, so why should i need to talk to you?" kind of phenomenon. but we've also talked every day since i've been back, even if it's only been for ten minutes or so. i've got all sorts of internal conflicts, and my head just wont stop spinning. i wish i could've recorded my conversation with my mom earlier, it had all the details. but i know i need to stop calling. so i will. sean d is good for advice sometimes. it makes me sad though, because i'm scared of what might happen if i stop calling.... but then again, if it needs to be done, it needs to be done. that scares me so much.