Today is a good day.
I've been on an emotional roller coaster ever since Ben was born which I guess is to be expected. At first, I felt so overwhelmed from the pain and the exhaustion and the sheer newness of it all that I wasn't able to feel much else. Then, after having so much trouble with breastfeeding, I just felt pain, exhaustion, and a sense that I was in WAY over my head. Today, though, I've been on an upward slope. Breastfeeding has been going smoothly all day (knock on wood) and I've been falling in love every time I go to look at/check on/feed/cuddle my baby boy. I can't believe that Clyde and I made something so perfect and precious. Ben is the sweetest little person and I've been giving him kisses all day long because I just can't help myself. He even peed on me and I just cleaned us both up and snuggled him and wasn't phased by any of it. Having a baby really _does_ change absolutely everything. Love is so scary. It was frightening enough to pour my whole heart into Clyde and now it's doubly terrifying to love my little son just as much. It's a good kind of fear, though, and I'd rather be in love and afraid than anything else. As hard as it's been, as much as I've cried, and as much sleep as I've lost, I wouldn't trade it. I love my little family.