//ReMIX!over-dramatic
I realize what an over-dramatic fool I can be sometimes. I apologize. I try to be mature but too oft I let my emotions control me. Unfortunately, though I know I am being over-dramatic, I do nothing to control myself. I guess reading Sense and Sensibility has not had much of an effect on me. But I guess I'll work on that. Today I took a step. I went from "Life could always be worse" to "Life is good". I've always found Life to have a cruel sense of humor. I still believe that. Where I have changed is my perspective on this. Before, I thought you should get the best of Life, not let it turn you into a dumbstruck idiot, be in charge. But now I think that stuff happens that you can't always predict,a nd you can't manipulate everything. So now I think that while you should still have a sense of self-importance and try hard to make your Life work out, I also think you should learn to laugh along side of Life, in all of it's cruel irony. I've been very annoying to myself the last few days. For the last few months, I';ve been over-dramatic, eager for approval, and very defensive. To anyone who I've directed any of this, for there may be many people, because most of this has been sub-conscious, I apologize. And here's what I'm doing to make it up to you, and myself. Therefore, I am proud to present Cara's Notes To Self (And Anyone Else Who Needs It).
1. Drama is a pointless way of making yourself and others miserable. Don't create it; don't exaggerate it. People have problems of their own and wanting them to worry about you does no one any good. Suck it up and move on. I'm not saying venting on someone close is a bad idea, but if you (like me) decide to write long paragraphs on the Woes of Me, then don't.
2. Don't try so hard to be liked. You have a groove of your own. I think it's most important to look like you, and not like you trying to look like them. I know this sounds clichéd, but it's the truth. I see a lot of this, and not just in myself.
3. Don't expect people to say the exact right thing all the time. Ity isn't worth the dissapointment. People can't read minds, and even if they could (though sometimes it might not seem like it) honesty is what you need to hear.
4. Don't get mad at people who are in a bad mood/who refuse to be polite. I've done a lot of this. It's just, I try to apologize whenever I know I'm wrong (I mean, when I'm not just kidding), and I try my hardest to always be curteous unless I'm completely at ease with a person and I know they won't care. But sometimes even I slip and offend a person, and it would be hypocritical of me to accuse others when I am not exactly the epitome of perfection right now.
5. Don't be so defensive. Seriously, they usually don't aim to offend. I do this a lot as a natural defense, and thias will probably be the one thing if anything that I'll just give up on and drop from the list. The problem is, I'm a little too good at it, and usually the other person ends up in a corner somewhere crying and I'm still swearing under my breath and nothing has been achieved, It's a talent sometimes that I'm sort of proud of, but it can also be humiliating. I want to take a minute to think from now on, and if it's really something they meant ask them to apologize before inducing tear flows.
I want to be a good person. I know it just takes work. I'll figure it out someday. Actually, I'm sort of happy with who I am. I'd rather be me than anyone else, without a doubt. I am sort of ashamed of who I've become, though. The divorce is what triggered a lot of this. It's not their fault, I know, it's mine for letting myself react to it this way. I'm going to be a better person though, nopt a worse one, as a result of it. Realization is the first step, after all.
So I guess the little step I took was towards a better me. Everything could be worse. I am so blessed, so lucky. I've been preaching this for months now, to appear, at the very least, to be a good person, but there was always this teeny tiny part that disagreed with the vast amjority of me, and it's time I reformed that little part into a model citizen. So this is me, being all epiphanous. Love you all.
Daydreamishly,
[cara helen]