(no subject)
Hey ya'll!
How is everyone doing? I'm doing okay. My whole life seems kind of sad right now. There are so many huge things happening and I feel like I am just going with the motion, I have no control. As some of you might know, my family is moving to Ohio where I will be attending either College of Mount St. Joseph or Thomas More College. I have always just gone with the flow. I lived in Louisville until I was in the 3rd grade after my parents got a divorce and my mother, my 3 brothers, and I moved to beautiful Bardstown, KY. Then after my mom's job at my high school had gone part-time, she wasnt able to stay there finacially. So we moved to Clarksville, IN., where she became the youth minister at St. Anthony's. I didnt want to move to Clarksville, but now it has become my home. Before I said that Bardstown will always be my home, but not anymore. I love Clarksville so much. Why, you might ask. I mean Clarksville is kinda ghetto and nothing to do. But having such great friends and a wonderful b/f has made it home for me. I love my high school more then anything. I love my house sooooo much. I just hate it that I have to leave all of my friends and my life again just because my mom doesnt like it here any more. I know it shouldnt matter to me because I'm going away to college...but it does. This is the house I want to spend my christmas's at, where I want to come home and see my high school friends. I know that if we move, it will end up like Louisville and Bardstown and I'll lost touch with all of my friends. That is THE true test of friendship, after you move...see how many ppl stay in contact with you. You'll be amazed at the results. I DONT WANT TO MOVE! I dont like OH! My mom has talked about this since the beginning of my senior year but its all of a sudden become reality because she is selling 4 our of 6 of our beds at our yard sale, including my bed. It just seems like every time some place is beginning to really feel like home, she's making us leave. I know she has only the best intentions but sometimes I think that she is really selfish.
Another huge thing that is sad and confusing is college. I dont like either of the schools that I am considering. My mom only gave me 4 choices of colleges. One was to go to UC but i had to stay home and not live in dorms. The others were College of Mount St. Joseph and Xavier. As anyone who has read my LJ knows, I didnt get accepted into XU. So it was down to TMC and CMSJ because I didnt want to live at home. I dont like either of them. I dont even know where I'd even want to go. I just wish I could be like everyone else. Go to a big college and room with one of your friends. I dont see why I have to have it so difficult and different. I just dont feel like I am ready to go to college and to make this huge decisions.
The third big sad thing is breaking up with Michael. I dont really like discussing this online because I'm a pretty private person but I just feel like I've kept so much bottled in. I hate the fact that I have to break up with a wonderful, perfect guy like Michael. It was going to be perfect...him going to XU and my being close to him. But now he's going to IU and I'll be in stupid Cincy. It's all so confusing. Just a week ago I thought maybe we'd both end up in Cincy and we'd could still be really close just not exclusive because I want us both to give other people a chance. But it looks like all of what we hoped for has gone down the drain...which really sucks. All three of these things have just about taken their toll on me. I hate not knowing and I hate even more of knowing that its just brings me pain. I hope that everyone else is having a better time then me with this whole college thing. I just kind of feel like I'm all by myself. None of my other friends are going to colleges that they know absolutley no one. Most are going to a college that about 50 other phs ppl are going to and rooming with their close friends. They also have their familiar home to run to if things get tough. I'm going home to a place that wont even feel like a home. And I'm losing so many great people that I know as hard we try...we're just going to all have such diff. schedules and become diff. ppl that we will just eventually drift apart. This is all so sad, why does life have to be so hard?
Caroline
How is everyone doing? I'm doing okay. My whole life seems kind of sad right now. There are so many huge things happening and I feel like I am just going with the motion, I have no control. As some of you might know, my family is moving to Ohio where I will be attending either College of Mount St. Joseph or Thomas More College. I have always just gone with the flow. I lived in Louisville until I was in the 3rd grade after my parents got a divorce and my mother, my 3 brothers, and I moved to beautiful Bardstown, KY. Then after my mom's job at my high school had gone part-time, she wasnt able to stay there finacially. So we moved to Clarksville, IN., where she became the youth minister at St. Anthony's. I didnt want to move to Clarksville, but now it has become my home. Before I said that Bardstown will always be my home, but not anymore. I love Clarksville so much. Why, you might ask. I mean Clarksville is kinda ghetto and nothing to do. But having such great friends and a wonderful b/f has made it home for me. I love my high school more then anything. I love my house sooooo much. I just hate it that I have to leave all of my friends and my life again just because my mom doesnt like it here any more. I know it shouldnt matter to me because I'm going away to college...but it does. This is the house I want to spend my christmas's at, where I want to come home and see my high school friends. I know that if we move, it will end up like Louisville and Bardstown and I'll lost touch with all of my friends. That is THE true test of friendship, after you move...see how many ppl stay in contact with you. You'll be amazed at the results. I DONT WANT TO MOVE! I dont like OH! My mom has talked about this since the beginning of my senior year but its all of a sudden become reality because she is selling 4 our of 6 of our beds at our yard sale, including my bed. It just seems like every time some place is beginning to really feel like home, she's making us leave. I know she has only the best intentions but sometimes I think that she is really selfish.
Another huge thing that is sad and confusing is college. I dont like either of the schools that I am considering. My mom only gave me 4 choices of colleges. One was to go to UC but i had to stay home and not live in dorms. The others were College of Mount St. Joseph and Xavier. As anyone who has read my LJ knows, I didnt get accepted into XU. So it was down to TMC and CMSJ because I didnt want to live at home. I dont like either of them. I dont even know where I'd even want to go. I just wish I could be like everyone else. Go to a big college and room with one of your friends. I dont see why I have to have it so difficult and different. I just dont feel like I am ready to go to college and to make this huge decisions.
The third big sad thing is breaking up with Michael. I dont really like discussing this online because I'm a pretty private person but I just feel like I've kept so much bottled in. I hate the fact that I have to break up with a wonderful, perfect guy like Michael. It was going to be perfect...him going to XU and my being close to him. But now he's going to IU and I'll be in stupid Cincy. It's all so confusing. Just a week ago I thought maybe we'd both end up in Cincy and we'd could still be really close just not exclusive because I want us both to give other people a chance. But it looks like all of what we hoped for has gone down the drain...which really sucks. All three of these things have just about taken their toll on me. I hate not knowing and I hate even more of knowing that its just brings me pain. I hope that everyone else is having a better time then me with this whole college thing. I just kind of feel like I'm all by myself. None of my other friends are going to colleges that they know absolutley no one. Most are going to a college that about 50 other phs ppl are going to and rooming with their close friends. They also have their familiar home to run to if things get tough. I'm going home to a place that wont even feel like a home. And I'm losing so many great people that I know as hard we try...we're just going to all have such diff. schedules and become diff. ppl that we will just eventually drift apart. This is all so sad, why does life have to be so hard?
Caroline