dnw
i have been feeling lonely and sick for the past week few days, with a bunch of shit bottled up inside. i have no one who i can turn to talk to, and the only thing i can think of is to type a rant.
i guess this is the purpose of a livejournal post?
first off is that i'm scared. i might be moving back to california, and from the bitchfit my mom is pulling, it could be soon. and, quite frankly, i don't wanna go back. i love jersey; it's got my best friends, and if i moved to cali, well then fuck me. i'd be a friendless junior when i was this close to graduating in nj with a bunch of comrades. but my mom is mad and is saying that 'her true family (read: her brothers) are in california, and we should just go there l: and probably, if it weren't for my connections here, i'd be just fine with going back home. ;_________;
second is that due to silliness, my eating patterns have been off. i've been going for a few days where i only eat one meal, if any, a day; thanksgiving i barely had much, because as soon as i look or take a bit of food, i feel downright sick. and the scary thing is, i know i'm hungry, but i just refuse to eat. how much can mentality affect reality? pretty fucking much i guess fuck i hataedadadaadda
just i dont even know there's a lot of shit, including the above mentioned and my grades, that is just going to drag me into that monthly cry a woman should have in a bit. i'm not feeling the good vibrations, even if i think i am. aughhhhh school tomorrow i dont want to.
also, i should be finished my NaNo today or yesterday, but i stopped writing a week ago. i had 20k words, too. oh well. closer than last year, i guess.
fuck this teenage girl inside of me i should be taking things like a man and suck it all up but ;_;
i guess this is the purpose of a livejournal post?
first off is that i'm scared. i might be moving back to california, and from the bitchfit my mom is pulling, it could be soon. and, quite frankly, i don't wanna go back. i love jersey; it's got my best friends, and if i moved to cali, well then fuck me. i'd be a friendless junior when i was this close to graduating in nj with a bunch of comrades. but my mom is mad and is saying that 'her true family (read: her brothers) are in california, and we should just go there l: and probably, if it weren't for my connections here, i'd be just fine with going back home. ;_________;
second is that due to silliness, my eating patterns have been off. i've been going for a few days where i only eat one meal, if any, a day; thanksgiving i barely had much, because as soon as i look or take a bit of food, i feel downright sick. and the scary thing is, i know i'm hungry, but i just refuse to eat. how much can mentality affect reality? pretty fucking much i guess fuck i hataedadadaadda
just i dont even know there's a lot of shit, including the above mentioned and my grades, that is just going to drag me into that monthly cry a woman should have in a bit. i'm not feeling the good vibrations, even if i think i am. aughhhhh school tomorrow i dont want to.
also, i should be finished my NaNo today or yesterday, but i stopped writing a week ago. i had 20k words, too. oh well. closer than last year, i guess.
fuck this teenage girl inside of me i should be taking things like a man and suck it all up but ;_;