chopped
reading back through that last entry i can feel just how lost i am. i usually like to think i put up a pretty good front about everything though. most days are good days. he's been in my dreams lately. the one place i can not control completely and make sure he doesnt come. sometimes i cry at him. sometimes he is just there. sometimes its not him but i know its him anyway.
had a second interview at the one photo place i would never ever actually want to work. i still find myself wanting it so badly. doing something new. anything new. something that he doesnt know about. that isnt touched by him. toob ad its in ebensburg. isnt that ironic.
its getting warmer. this is such good news. i can feel me getting stronger in it. breaking out because of too much chocolate and pop. trying to cut back. some other things are wrong...hopefully they will disappear soon. need a haircut. need my nails done. still nervous about 25.
wish i could be creative again. i need art classes again. forced commitment to a project to make me work on other ones.
still not going to be one. hope he understands that i wont always be around. no one will. relationships outside of friendship are useless to me right now. i have no hope for one for me. i want to open up a studio on an island somewhere and relax.
stupid blockbuster.
had a second interview at the one photo place i would never ever actually want to work. i still find myself wanting it so badly. doing something new. anything new. something that he doesnt know about. that isnt touched by him. toob ad its in ebensburg. isnt that ironic.
its getting warmer. this is such good news. i can feel me getting stronger in it. breaking out because of too much chocolate and pop. trying to cut back. some other things are wrong...hopefully they will disappear soon. need a haircut. need my nails done. still nervous about 25.
wish i could be creative again. i need art classes again. forced commitment to a project to make me work on other ones.
still not going to be one. hope he understands that i wont always be around. no one will. relationships outside of friendship are useless to me right now. i have no hope for one for me. i want to open up a studio on an island somewhere and relax.
stupid blockbuster.