(no subject)
Good morning.
I'm tired a lot lately. Both mentally and physically. I'm just in this state where I jump to and from things faster than I did before and it's just burning me out. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I wish life came with a users manual.
How to be normal.............................................................................p.47
How to cure a broken heart..............................................................p.56
How to make flan.............................................................................p.22
How to make it look like an accident................................................p.66
I'm tired of feeling like this. Of waking up every morning and feeling like my life is spinning around me faster than those little tops we used to play with when we were little. Waking up has become such a hard thing to do and I didn't think it could get any worse.. but it has.
I'm tired of taking this medication. In the past few days, I've eaten almost nothing, been sleepier than I ever have in my life and have dried my eyes out by crying so much. I don't know why, though. It's usually at nothing in particular. Things are getting to me so much faster.
I'm tired of checking my phone religiously to see if you've sent me a text message. When I see those numbers, flashing the current time instead of that "1 new message", I start to think about how much I really miss talking to you all the time, regardless of what you were doing. I know it's greedy, since you send me so many messages a day.. its just that I really need you right now. Things are bad.
I'm sitting here, waiting for you to come online. Staring at the screen, wishing you would come talk to me. I need you to come online. I need to talk to you so badly. You're the only one I can talk to anymore. The only person I feel comfortable with burdening with my problems. I've been waiting for awhile now.. I don't think I can wait up much longer.. my eyes are getting heavier with each letter typed. Pretty soon, they'll be closed and the acid-trip dreams will begin. I can hardly wait, actually. Sleeping means I don't have to deal with reality anymore. Instead, I can let myself slip into this state where the only dark cloud is the fact that I have to wake up at some point. I really hate that cloud.
I don't mind being your best friend. It makes me have this false hope that you actually might care about me. I just wish that I was a Charlie to you like you've been to me. Read the book.. you'll understand. I don't know if you'll get around to it, though. I hope you do. That book means the world to me. I hope that someday it means the world to you.
I have to stop spinning out like this. (you'll understand this when you read the book, too)
It's been almost two hours since you told me you were going to be here soon. I guess I still think you want to talk to me as much as I need to talk to you. Guess I was wrong. I guess she's more important. Whatever. I'll never get used to it, probably. I'm really really sorry I fell in love with you. I'm really sorry that I'm still in love with you. I'm especially sorry that I can't accept that you've found someone who's better/cooler/prettier than I am.
But most of all.. I'm sorry I won't feel infinite.
I'm tired a lot lately. Both mentally and physically. I'm just in this state where I jump to and from things faster than I did before and it's just burning me out. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I wish life came with a users manual.
How to be normal.............................................................................p.47
How to cure a broken heart..............................................................p.56
How to make flan.............................................................................p.22
How to make it look like an accident................................................p.66
I'm tired of feeling like this. Of waking up every morning and feeling like my life is spinning around me faster than those little tops we used to play with when we were little. Waking up has become such a hard thing to do and I didn't think it could get any worse.. but it has.
I'm tired of taking this medication. In the past few days, I've eaten almost nothing, been sleepier than I ever have in my life and have dried my eyes out by crying so much. I don't know why, though. It's usually at nothing in particular. Things are getting to me so much faster.
I'm tired of checking my phone religiously to see if you've sent me a text message. When I see those numbers, flashing the current time instead of that "1 new message", I start to think about how much I really miss talking to you all the time, regardless of what you were doing. I know it's greedy, since you send me so many messages a day.. its just that I really need you right now. Things are bad.
I'm sitting here, waiting for you to come online. Staring at the screen, wishing you would come talk to me. I need you to come online. I need to talk to you so badly. You're the only one I can talk to anymore. The only person I feel comfortable with burdening with my problems. I've been waiting for awhile now.. I don't think I can wait up much longer.. my eyes are getting heavier with each letter typed. Pretty soon, they'll be closed and the acid-trip dreams will begin. I can hardly wait, actually. Sleeping means I don't have to deal with reality anymore. Instead, I can let myself slip into this state where the only dark cloud is the fact that I have to wake up at some point. I really hate that cloud.
I don't mind being your best friend. It makes me have this false hope that you actually might care about me. I just wish that I was a Charlie to you like you've been to me. Read the book.. you'll understand. I don't know if you'll get around to it, though. I hope you do. That book means the world to me. I hope that someday it means the world to you.
I have to stop spinning out like this. (you'll understand this when you read the book, too)
It's been almost two hours since you told me you were going to be here soon. I guess I still think you want to talk to me as much as I need to talk to you. Guess I was wrong. I guess she's more important. Whatever. I'll never get used to it, probably. I'm really really sorry I fell in love with you. I'm really sorry that I'm still in love with you. I'm especially sorry that I can't accept that you've found someone who's better/cooler/prettier than I am.
But most of all.. I'm sorry I won't feel infinite.