(Untitled)

[captlebubbles]

I was thinking about Coupling and how I might rewrite it to keep all the things that charm me about it while making the gross icky parts less gross and icky, and I realized that ninety percent of the changes would pertain to the handling of Jane and Jeff’s backstories.

Because Jane was a bisexual woman repeatedly being told that she wasn’t, was

Comments

[wolfy_writing]

Yes! Like you can do it where friends are dismissive of Jane's bisexuality and the joke is on them. A lot of the Patrick jokes were jokes about his asshole behavior, so why not reframe the "Jane bi? Please, she's just doing it to seem sexy to men" as jokes on the other characters being the asshole?

And yeah, Steve's "Ooh, lesbians!" thing should be closer to Patrick's "Literally doesn't see non-beautiful women" thing, and like there's scenes that could be kept exactly as is, but with less of the "I have sexual desires! That automatically excuses fetishizing behavior! It's not like I can decide what to do about my desires!" excuses. (A show I mostly adore, Farscape, gave a character a "Come on, man, I'm a guy!" scene, which was somewhat funny in context, but also presented in a way that seemed too much buying into the characters's excuse. And since then, I think of shows having the "Come on, I'm a guy!" scene whenever a male character's excused crappiness because he has desires.)

Yeah, Patrick wanting to sleep with a lot of women is absolutely no problem, and being all "Hi, are you also looking for a no-strings hookup?" is actively cool. He's done other stuff that's fucked up, but "Has a lot of sex" is neither "Yay, he wins at masculinity!" nor "Ugh, he's gross!"

The Cupboard of Patrick's Love definitely needs to be presented differently. Like either Patrick is doing something deeply shitty and not at all okay, or he's filming by consent, which involves rewriting everything and coming up with a completely different comedic complication. And no Steve claiming naked rights, unless there's going to be a lot more "Steve, you're being awful" framing.

Jeff is the tricky bit. Because it's hard to keep it funny and have people react appropriately. They do have things where Jeff tells a funny/weird story and the other characters are shocked or uncomfortable, so more of that on the childhood stuff? And I think you could do a certain amount of talking about where they don't necessarily say it's abusive, but like Jeff would be all "Mothers, eh?" and someone would say something like "I think your mother may have been uniquely awful on that front".

Or (based on my experiences being friends with people who have abusive mothers), Steve could have a sort of resigned "I've had the 'It's abusive' conversation and it didn't change anything, so I'll just agree intensely every time Jeff disagrees with how his mother treated him, disagree every time he thinks it's normal, and...accomplish nothing, probably, but that won't turn every conversation into the same ugly and distressing topic" approach? (Because sometimes you have the "That's abusive" conversation and they're like "Well, maybe" and you don't want to cram it down their throat, especially if they're not currently in the situation, but then a month later they're all "So-and-so jut told me my mother's abusive, that's weird" and you're stifling a "YES! THAT IS COMPLETELY TRUE AND EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS IT!")

So, that got dark. Moving on, Sally could definitely be framed as more "Someone who believes what women are taught to believe", and maybe a few hints of "She's actually really good/talented/impressive/kind/something that shows worth beyond beauty, but she doesn't see how valuable that is." And Patrick could have a very funny, "Considering how wonderful I am, do you think I'd have a relationship for a woman who wasn't amazing in her own right?"

[captlebubbles]

Patrick would definitely use the "Um, I have standards???" approach to Sally's insecurities. He's obviously suddenly discovered the ability to have romantic feelings, he's not going to do that for just any woman so clearly Sally has value beyond her relationship. (I think in skilled hands Patrick could absolutely present this as him pointing it out to her, not him gifting her with value.)

Jeff would absolutely be the trickiest bit, but the odd aside glance between the friends- early on Sally glancing at Steve or Susan like "is this normal for him? Should I say something?" and other moments along those lines could at least lend a bit to it without detracting too much from the dark humor. I had another thought too, but it fled by the end of the sentence and I can't remember it.

Yeah, it would absolutely need "this is explicitly Steve and Patrick being awful" and not a "everyone talks about naked rights to their partners without consulting said partners, it's fine". An angry Susan turning up in time to hear the conversation and getting angrier would have potential, and give her a chance to bring up the consent issue. I think it was sort of implied that they knew since Susan said "he keeps the tapes" and "I know it's your thing" but those are so vague and could have just as easily been Susan focusing on something different.

The issue could be that Susan hadn't realized he kept the tapes past the relationship (an oversight or a miscommunication, something that paints Patrick as thoughtless rather than skeevy), or maybe she knew he still had it and just had a moment of anxiety now that he was friends with her boyfriend and she wanted to reassure herself that the tapes were safe. (And then hearing the naked rights discussion and that's out the window because now her autonomy is being brought into question.)

Exactly! Like one of the first conversations we saw with him was him inviting Sally to go see Top Gear a car show with him and when she made it clear she wasn't interested in sex he openly retracted the invitation. And while he could have been more straightforward and also more polite, in general it made it clear that he was only after sex, but also that he was openly only interested in women who were also only after sex, which is fine. So while the presentation needs tweaking, overall that character trait can stay.

The trouble with Steve's character is that while Moff was perfectly willing to present the flaws in everyone else's characters as them being shitty, Steve was based on him and got a softer, more sympathetic lens- not to mention that he did a bit of mouthpiecing (his once-a-season rants). He was presented as having flaws, but they were always made very sympathetic and not due to internal shortcomings and were more circumstantial. He would need to be written by someone who was willing to paint his shitty views as actually shitty, and balance him more, which Moff was clearly capable of with other characters.

[wolfy_writing]

Yeah, if you did the jokes right, it could be funny and in-character and reinforce the message that he's recognizing the value she already had, not bestowing value on her. (Why would Patrick have a relationship woman he had to bestow value on, when he deserves someone who's already amazing?)

Jeff would be the trickiest bit. And like there's ways of characterizing it so his friends aren't necessarily having the deep conversation, but are reacting uncomfortably.

I like your idea for the tapes. Susan could easily have had a miscommunication (because she assumed he would get rid of them when they broke up, and Patrick, who hasn't has many actual relationships with actual break-ups, assumed it would be okay to keep them), or just feeling weird about it and being all "I'm no longer comfortable with you having those", only then she finds Steve and Patrick are talking about naked rights, as if the rights to her naked body belonged to anyone but her, and then she's furious and Steve has do a meaningful apology. (Or maybe he tries and totally muddles it, and she kicks him out for the night, and a week later it's established off-screen that he got it and things are better.)

Yeah, some tweaks and it would work.

And like the conversations in fandom about Moff and sexism have been unhelpful, but he definitely comes off as a writer who has absorbed a lot of the ordinary sexism of a man in his time and place (and, to be fair, has made some good-faith efforts to do better), which lead to a bit too much giving Steve the "Come on, I'm a guy!" moments. (And like I sympathize with some of Steve's rants - I like watching attractive women together, I would hate having to pick out fabrics for decorating purposes and probably end up stuck for ideas, and bathroom doors need locks. They don't need to be "Come on, I'm a guy!" things, and the fact that he casts everything that way, instead of "Thing that's perfectly reasonable to want, unreasonable and immature way of dealing with that" is a flaw that could have been written a lot better.)

[captlebubbles]

It's like when he was trying to tell Sally he was into her and he was like "you deserve Mr. Fantastically Amazingly Wonderful" and was talking about himself. Like, Patrick's self-absorption is actually a really good way of framing that narrative, and Sally having that supportive attitude to lean on would go a long way in helping her deal with her insecurities. "Patrick thinks he's great and he's never done the romo thing before, so maybe he's onto something when he says I'm worth more than just being married before I get too old?" And of course Susan there to say "Yes, obviously, you're funny and talented and clever and beautiful, you clearly have vast amounts of worth" just to reinforce that.

That's another thing, I would love to see Sally and Susan's relationship explored more. Sally obviously has a lot of insecurities that she projects onto Susan and blames her for (judging by the Spiderman flashback episode, Sally is quite used to being the plain friend beside the much more conventionally sexy Susan, which is probably worse for someone who does put so much of her worth in her attractiveness to men). But too much of their character development focuses on that, so I'd like to see other aspects of their friendship explored as well.

I probably wouldn't be allowed to add a character from a completely different canon to make Jeff's thing easier, would I? Because I really want to bring in Neville, because then you get Jeff having a sexual identity crisis in amusingly Jeffy ways, and a lot of awkwardness from his friends as they try to figure out how to deal with "we're super glad you're finally getting help but are leagues out of our depth when it comes to knowing how to communicate all of this with you".

I mean, didn't a whole arc come out of that episode in general? Like one could easily replace that arc with one about consent and bodily autonomy and not treating people as possessions and talking about naked rights with the person in question instead of your mates. Which would be a lot better than "who has the naked rights to that version of Susan?", "let's all gather and watch porn of our friend that she may or may not have consented to making", and the confusing "I'm mad that you taped us but also made that you taped over us" bit (which could have at least been presented less as "women are confusing" and more "emotions are complicated and it's easy to get one's feelings hurt for two supposedly contradictory things", if it had to be kept at all).

Right! Framing Steve's problems and rants more as "this is the way I see and process the world, and it makes sense, why doesn't anyone else get it, now I'm going to have a tantrum instead of trying to communicate!" than "I'm a guy, this is just how we are" would work a lot better. And if he was going to use "I'm a guy" as his excuse, then the framing could reflect that it's not a right on thing and is more of him fumbling with communication.

(Another thing I would change would be the communication issues. Like the long talks about their feelings and lenses for the given situation don't have to be on screen, but once the plot has resolved and they've simmered, there could easily be a fade out on them sitting down and actually talking, and it would thus make sense when come the next episode they've been doing fine. And occasional short talks could easily be funny if they trip over trying to explain their feelings in suitably amusingly-worded ways.)

Also I just realized Jane's therapist could have been a great way to frame the "joke's on them" approach to her sexuality, because her therapist taking her sexuality and depression seriously and encouraging her to find healthier ways of expressing that would cement it within the narrative as something valid, while still having humor as Jane alternates between digging in her heels, pretending she's doing this for their sake because she doesn't need it, and tests out coping methods that inevitably fall apart.

[wolfy_writing]

Yes! Patrick and his ego giving the "Of course you're wonderful! Look, I'm a devastatingly handsome man who's pulled busloads of gorgeous women, so I have no reason to settle down with anyone who isn't breathtakingly amazing!" And then Susan with her intelligence and people skills and really caring about Sally as a friend being all "But your talents! Your intelligence! Your kindness!"

...on adding Neville, depends how serious you want this exercise to be. Like if you were going to do an actual filmed remake, the most you could do was a Neville-inspired flower shop owner, but if you're just coming up with a version you like, go for it!

Yes! A whole arc where Steve's sexist tendencies come to head, and he realizes he has to do better, and Susan figures out exactly what she's willing to put up with in terms of Steve's imperfect effort to do better.

Like make Steve less The Normal One and more "Flawed in the specific way that he thinks of his sexist and selfish tendencies as Guy Stuff." And have that interact with his general difficulty in communicating and asking for stuff - like having him with the entirely sympathetic "Having to name stuff and put it into words and ask for things is hard!" and the sexist "Come on, I'm a guy! Guys aren't supposed to know this!"

(Yeah, having some "Let's sit down and really talk" and then fade out or cut to a scene where things are comedically summarized, and some smaller references and brief talks would be much better.)

Ooh, that would be so good!

[captlebubbles]

Susan and Patrick teaming up to be Team Sally Is Gr9 would be excellent. (And Sally having the eventual emotional breakdown that inevitably comes when you have very poor self-worth and people you admire keep telling you you're great could be that seasons emotional arc.)

If I ever do the rewrite, it'll either be fanfic or just episode summaries and script snippets, so I could get away with having Neville, though I would probably just have an oc based on Neville since the magic bit could potentially complicate things. (Though at some point there'd be a scene with Neville's mates, who would be suspiciously similar to the golden trio, with the redhead mentioning he's the next youngest of seven kids, and other little allusions to their origins.)

I think that's what I'm getting at, yeah! Because it needs to be addressed and his character can be explored through it, it could be presented in a funny way, and it would avoid what was honestly the biggest weakness of the show, which is things being presented as "there is one specific male lens and one specific female lens, and no possible way for them to overlap, because it's not like people are individuals or anything. Instead of disputes being "men are like this, women are like this", they could be more fairly written as "this is how society teaches men and women to behave, and here is a story explore six lenses to view the results of those expectations".

(It would be easy to imply communication was happening without detracting from the funny bits, because all of them are various levels of high strung so it makes sense that they'd need to have the big dramatic episodes before being able to talk properly.)

Like, maybe her canon therapist is introduced early on, and she starts off as being weary of Jane before they bond better, or maybe she's how she was and Jane is like "fine, I'll find someone else!!!" and goes off to get a different therapist. Or maybe after Jeff starts seeing a therapist, he hears Jane talking about hers and is like "therapists aren't supposed to act like that get a new one" but in a more Jeffy way. Maybe he even puts her onto trying his out, or gets a recommendation from them.

(There's definite potential for a couple of episodes that are told in the "people telling the story at the bar, us seeing the different lenses it happened through" with both Jane and Jeff talking about the same event to their therapists.)

I'm trying to think when would be the best time to bring in Neville, because part of me is wanting to replace the season three romance with it, but part of me wants that to be the final straw that leads him into the situation where they meet.

(I'm also on the fence about what to do about Oliver, because he had his own charm when he wasn't being Jeff 2.0, and he was good for Jane, and there are plenty of ways to rewrite him as well, but as I intend to keep Jeff around for season four, is there any real need for him?)

[wolfy_writing]

Ooh yes! (And yeah, if someone has low self-worth, the initial reaction to people going "You're great!" is going to be distress, not an immediate "Yay, I'm wonderful!" And she'd be worried about being distressed and crying and having emotional needs in front of Patrick, but he'd be...flawed at being supportive, but in a sweet and committed way.)

Ooh, yeah. Definitely insert him then.

Yeah, instead of "The male perspective and the female perspective", "Three reactions to being taught male cultural expectations, and three reactions to being taught female cultural expectations" and it could still deal with society's ideas of Men and Women, with a lot of comedy, but in a different way.

(Yeah, Steve could blow up or Susan could lose her temper, and then they'd be all "Let's talk it out" and then there's references in a ltter scene.

Ooh, yeah, Jane getting a newer therapist, who's ready to listen to her.

(Yes! Jane and Jeff in therapy talking it out! And like it can be an Improved Communication Skills episode where like Steve is trying to actually explain the embarrassing thing to Susan without either "Yes, dear" or a comedic rant, and keeps slipping up and catching himself, and Susan tries to give him space and not laugh too hard or give too many corrections. And Patrick is practicing his Supportive Boyfriend listening skills for Sally, because he's seen from romantic movies that the couples who stay together indefinitely have the Supportive Boyfriend who Listens, so he starts out all weird and acting like the character in the movie, but then gets to be much more natural, and Sally is all "This was a really good talk. Thank you, Patrick" at the end, and then there is hugging, and then there is sex, and Patrick is all "Yes! I can do this boyfriend-relationship thing! And the sex is awesome!" And Jeff is talking to his therapist, and Jane is talking to her therapist, and they each have a good "Letting my feelings out" session.

I was never a fan of Oliver, but he could definitely be added in if you like him.)

[captlebubbles]

Like... Patrick could do his like "duh, of course you're awesome, standards???" thing and Sally is like "why are you saying these things!!!!!" and breaks down and is scared that Patrick will change his mind and he's like "I just don't get why you can't see how maddeningly great you are!! You're like all the things I like about girls and all the things I like about hanging out with blokes!! You're like the whole package!! Why do you keep saying you're not!!" And Sally is just crying and she's gone all snotty and gross (emotional breakdowns are not attractive) and in the end he's just holding and petting her like "why can't you just see how great you are?" and "if you need someone to tell you then I will, every day if I have to" and she's like "????????does not compute" because how does??? Emotions are hard.

I'm already planning it! I made a post about it on Tumblr instead of here for some reason but we can talk about it over here instead.

And like, at some point some remarks on the arguing and says they need to talk, and they're like "yeah, we know, but first we have to be angry at each other for a little while". And them getting better at handling their arguments over time because they can recognize when they've reached the point they need to walk away and start cooling off, and knowing when it's time to send out the white flag and start talking.

Yeah! Jeff and Jane are talking about the things going on around them and the stuff their friends are doing and the stress it's putting them through (they're both very invested in the Steve/Susan relationship for different reasons) and so they're explaining their friend's side of it, so we get to see the story through their lenses, and it gets brought up that Patrick and Sally are trying the communication thing more too. And all of that culminates in both of them talking about why they're so invested in the relationship: Jeff because they're his friends and he thinks they're the real deal and needs to know that True Love can work out, Jane because she needs to move on from Steve and having him unavailable and knowing Susan makes him happy and that he makes Susan happy helps her a lot.

I'm not so much a fan of him as I feel like he had a lot of potential that could have been explored if they hadn't tried so hard to make him the replacement Jeff. They needed a new sixth character to replace Jeff but instead of making a new character they basically cloned Jeff and so he didn't really... go well. But since I'm rewriting with the intent of exploring untapped potential anyway, I might as well explore Oliver too. But I'm still undecided. I certainly can't think of anything to do with him beyond "this is Jane's new socially awkward love interest who is so used to rejection that Jane's personality isn't scaring him off".

[wolfy_writing]

That is perfect! Like he misses a bit at first, because he thinks it's simple, because Sally is obviously great, so she should know that, and if not, telling her should fix it, but when he sees this isn't instantly fixing things, he wants to stay there and keep at it! And Sally knows Patrick, and he's not running away, he thinks she's wonderful even when she's snotty and sobbing for reasons she can't explain, so that's something that when she's able to take it on board will mean a lot.

I saw! Yay!

Yes! And like Susan is all "I'm angry and need to walk it off" and Steve learns to neither panic nor go into a huff about things" and Susan says that without taking a swipe at Steve, and it's better than it was!

Ooh yes! This would be such a good episode!

Yeah, I don't know how to use Oliver.

Also, at some point can Jane have either a girlfriend or a "Yes, we totally dated, and broke up for normal reasons" ex-girlfriend? And her friends are all "Huh, really?" and maybe they get at least less obnoxious about it?

[captlebubbles]

Patrick would be out of his depth but the fact that he's trying would actually matter a lot to Sally.

Susan walking away and Steve not panicking because he's worried she won't come back but she usually does and they have a history of that working out for them, so he's better able to trust that he's not about to lose her. And Steve needing to vent and rant for a bit just to get all of his thoughts out and Susan giving him the space he needs to do that and actually brings up the things he says in his rants so they can talk about them.

She absolutely can! It'll be the girl she mentioned in the first episode when she was trying to lure Steve back, and Steve's like "Wait you're real????" and she's like "what, you don't believe her?" I've decided Elisabeth is an Angry Bisexual who gets really passionate about people not taking bisexuality seriously. She gives Jane a lot of much-needed validation of her sexuality.

(She turns up around the time Jeff is having his identity crisis and he's like "wait so I can like guys and still like girls... why didn't I think of that?" and she's like "-patpat- It's okay you live in a society prone to bisexual erasure, at least you're catching on, enjoy your now double potential dating pool", which mostly results in Jeff having a moment of "OH GREAT NOW I HAVE TWICE AS MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO JEFF IT UP WELP".)

[wolfy_writing]

Yeah, that means a lot from anyone, and it's Patrick.

And like she recognizes the difference between Steve being stupid and Steve incoherently working his way towards a concept!

Yes! I love it!

(Jeff would totally have a bizarre panic about dating men that's not like a normal panic, but like Jeff-logic, where there's like eleven steps in the logic chain before anyone knows what he's talking about!)

[captlebubbles]

Jeff skips straight through all the usual internalized homophobia and gets right to "well now I don't just have to worry about saying the wrong thing to women, I have to worry about saying the wrong thing to men, too!" with a healthy dollop of "now that I know I like men I can't stop thinking about how attractive they are, have you ever noticed how nice the freckles on that bloke behind the bar are???"

(Also, Patrick hears this and assumes Jeff also thinks he's attractive, but it turns out not to be the usual "oh no, my guy friend likes guys now, what if he hits on me?" and more "well obviously he'll think I'm attractive, why wouldn't he?")

[wolfy_writing]

"I can't date blokes, I can't even remember the name of the radio show!"
"What?"
"The one with the secret gay language!"
"What?"

(Fun fact - Polari was a secret gay slang used mainly in the UK that was well-nigh incomprehensible until in the sixties or seventies it was used in a popular radio show. No one uses it any more, and it's certainly not obligatory to date men, but Jeff would be around the age of having barely heard of it, and I could totally see him panicking he doesn't speak secret gay language.)

(That is exactly how Patrick would react, and he'd be offended about Jeff not fancying him.)

[captlebubbles]

He absolutely would panic about not understanding gay code! And he has enough trouble not accidentally saying the wrong thing in plain English, let alone involving codes.

"What do you mean you don't fancy me?"
"You're my mate, I don't fancy my mates!"
"Jane's your mate and you fancied her."
"Well yeah but Jane's got eyes and really nice earlobes."
"I've got eyes! And are you saying my earlobes aren't nice?"

[wolfy_writing]

"You could just speak English."
"How do you know? Have you ever dated a bloke?"
"Well no."
"Neither have I! We're lost in the dark without a codebook!"

"Your earlobes are okay."
"What's wrong with my earlobes?"
"Nothing, they're fine. Jane just has really nice ones."
"You take that back! My earlobes are twice as sexy as Jane's!"

[captlebubbles]

"Why don't you just ask Neville?"
"He's never dated a bloke before either."
"Then what's the problem?"

"Anyway, it doesn't matter, you've got Sally."
"Well obviously I don't fancy you, I just want you to fancy me."