Chapter Four Commentary

[dm_wyatt]

NOTE: My comments in blue.  I assume you've read the whole story, so some comments may not make sense if you haven't. I'd recommend reading the whole thing in any case, otherwise I'm going to spoil you for the later chapters.

Captive Prince - Chapter Four

Comments

[dm_wyatt]

Maybe the salve helped keep the injuries to his back from geting infected, which of course Damen wouldn't really understand, but it smelling sensous at the same time is very Rabatian.

I think an Akielon salve for the same purpose would probably smell horrible. Rabat is almost as much about appearance rather than function.

As for that image: I really hope Damen's back isn't as bad as that...

Wow.

[luci0logy]

In Toni Morrison's book, Beloved a female slave refers regularly to the gnarled branches of her 'tree'. It took me a while to figure out she meant the whip marks on her back. It beggers belief that one human being can do that to another.

[dm_wyatt]

It's shocking that used to be SOP for so many.

I cannot conceive of a world where things like that go on without consequence for the abusers.

[luci0logy]

Oooh! Looking forward to reading this after I've had my tea.

[dm_wyatt]

I'm enjoying talking about this fic. Not only because I like it, but in looking at some of these things again, I think I'm learning more about writing.

I wish I could write so sparely, yet with such good detail. I'm envious.

I tend to be too verbose, I swear it's impossible for me to write short things.... I had written some haiku before, I should try that again. It'd be a good excercise in brevity.

LOL!

[luci0logy]

I swear it's impossible for me to write short thingsI suffer from the opposite affliction. I could probably wrap up book 1 in 10,000 words. I kid you not. My ambition would be to write a novella. I've learned several new words since reading this story and I wish freece would put it up on Lulu and send it to publishers such as Black Eye Books or Torque Press

[dm_wyatt]

My ambition would be to write a novella.I've actually written a couple, well, fanfic novellas anyway

[de_minimis]

I loved reading this! As a Laurentian ;) I sometimes miss Dameny things, so loved yr take.

It's really a silly question, but Radel is ever the loyalist and finds it hard to believe that Laurent could be as barbaric as his slave, or even more so.

Maybe I just Want to Believe, but I took it as a sign that the flogging was really out of character for Laurent. :)

What a ballsy move on Damen's part. At 19, he was little better than a kid himself, so to challenge someone else, who was maybe older, to single combat to the death was either very brave, or outrageously foolish. It turned out okay for him, of course, since he won, but it was a huge risk.

Yeah. There's something so Troy about it. Like, epic heroes. Plus if Damen could beat the invincible hero of Rabat at 19, I can't even imagine what he's capable of now, at 25. Like, he will f*ck your sh*t up. *g*

Showing off his crude side wasn't probably the best choice, was it? Aw... Laurent isn't always in control as much as he would like. I think Laurent losing control a bit here

[dm_wyatt]

I loved reading this! As a Laurentian ;) I sometimes miss Dameny things, so loved yr take.

I don't hate Laurent, I actually am quite fond of him, but I prefer Damen and admire him as a character. He's noble and straightforward in a time that probably would make that hard to do. He's very complicated, yet straightforward at the same time. It's a dichotomy I find appealing. But it's probably not a surprise that his naive nature would bite him in the ass big time, which it did, when Kastor took the opportunity to act.

Maybe I just Want to Believe, but I took it as a sign that the flogging was really out of character for Laurent. :)

Oh, I'm sure... He's very restrained in most of his life, so it was probably surprising he had that much passion about anything. Maybe it's telling that Damen brings out strong emotions from Laurent.

Yeah. There's something so Troy about it. Like, epic heroes. Plus if Damen could beat the invincible hero of Rabat at 19, I can't even imagine what he's capable of now, at 25. Like, he will f*ck your sh*

[luci0logy]

I can't even imagine what he's capable of now, at 25.

Infortunately for him he's not capable of spotting duplicitous ex lovers and brothers. *pets the poor lamb* But, I bet he's good in other areas. *winks*

[dm_wyatt]

LOL!

Yeah, I bet. Natural Talent makes up for training a lot of the time, as Vannis said.

*grins*

[luci0logy]

and finds it hard to believe that Laurent could be as barbaric as his slave, or even more so.

Yes, that must've been an eye opener, not only for him, but for Laurent's staff and guard, so of course it must be Damen's fault.

Do they hate bastards so much they might help him, when a bastard brother supplanted a rightful and legitimate king in such a shocking way?

Interesting point and one I hadn't considered. Time will tell.

"This is what Laurent thinks of our careful negotiations with Akielos,"

Why now, after 6 years, is Rabat in talks with Akielos. Was talking to the old king anathema? What, I wonder, are they in careful negotiations about: the disputed territory, something else?

having part of the exchange between the Councilor and himself was for Damen's benefit. Why, I don't know.

He does try to get Damen to spy on Laurent for him, so maybe he was making himself sound like the good Rabatian here, whereas Laurent is the bad Rabatian.

So if Laurent had seen Prince Damianos that day, then it is possible that he would have

[dm_wyatt]

Yes, that must've been an eye opener, not only for him, but for Laurent's staff and guard, so of course it must be Damen's fault.

Yeah, naturally Radel would think that it's Damen's fault but I think that no matter what the other people think about who was to blame, I think they felt sympathy for Damen, showing him some empathy and even comraderie afterwards... That was an interesting detail to include in the story.

Interesting point and one I hadn't considered. Time will tell.

Bastardy being such a huge stigma in Rabat, it probably will be a factor in their future relations with Kastor. I wonder why that once Damen's father, the King, was dead and Kastor was on the throne they finalized the treaty?

Why now, after 6 years, is Rabat in talks with Akielos. Was talking to the old king anathema? What, I wonder, are they in careful negotiations about: the disputed territory, something else?

I wonder too. It must be something, maybe they wanted their disputed lands back to help ease the tensions at the border?

He does try to get

Laurent knows. Maybe...possibly.

[luci0logy]

Has this allready been noted?

*Laurent had stopped dead the moment he had seen the slave, his face turning white as though in reaction to a slap, or an insult. But that expression had shuttered quickly.*

If not, this little bit from Chapter 1 of Damen and Laurent's first meeting made me wonder if Laurent knew then.

Though maybe not. :/ Just wondering if anyone else caught that, and what they thought.

(Sorry about not italicizing the text...the italicize key seems to have hidden itself from my phone. -__-)

Re: Laurent knows. Maybe...possibly.

[dm_wyatt]

Yeah, it's been noted. I hadn't really understood what that reaction had meant when I first read that, but in going back and seeing that reaction in context of all we've found out later:

Yes, I am pretty sure that Laurent knows Damen's real identity.

[fifi_bonsai]

Of course Radel would question Damen's view of things, but he's right: who else would have done it? It's really a silly question, but Radel is ever the loyalist and finds it hard to believe that Laurent could be as barbaric as his slave, or even more so.

Fuck me, if Radel isn't a Laurentian fangirl.

Radel lashing out at Damen is the perfect response. It fits his character perfectly since he adores Laurent and is fiercely loyal to him.

*cough*

I'm curious why Laurent seems to hate Damen so much, and tried so hard to kill him, yet doesn't want him to die...

I'm conflicted. Either he's a hypersensitive hysterical woobie, or he rly knows Damen is Damianos. I'd give him a lot more leeway if it's the latter.

It is funny, considering Laurent tried to kill him and now is trying to hard to protect his back.

Oh, foreshadowing. Rly good.

I like this bit of foreshadowing here, not only is the Regent like a King, but it looks (from Laurent's revelation in later chapters) like he wants to become one in his own right.I totally think

[dm_wyatt]

Fuck me, if Radel isn't a Laurentian fangirl.

LOL! I think he probably is.

I'm conflicted. Either he's a hypersensitive hysterical woobie, or he rly knows Damen is Damianos. I'd give him a lot more leeway if it's the latter.

I think it's the latter. It makes more sense that way, IMO.

I totally think that he's King Claudius with all that entails.

You mean Hamlet's uncle Claudius? Yeah, I can see the parellels, except Laurent isn't feeling as sorry for himself as Hamlet was.

Since it's the way the Regent likes it, maybe Laurent himself was painted like a pet, which is one of the reasons he wears such un-pet clothes now-- even though he falls into very pet-like behavior when he's around the Regent. It's one of the things which makes him foolish and easy to trick around the Regent, he falls right back into patterns.

Oh, right. Probably... like I said up above somewhere, I think that Laurent was probably displayed in some horribly inappropriate way as a child, if how the Regent treats Nicaise is any indication...

I love him

[fifi_bonsai]

You mean Hamlet's uncle Claudius? Yeah, I can see the parellels, except Laurent isn't feeling as sorry for himself as Hamlet was.

Oh, no, the Regent might be Claudius, but Laurent is no Hamlet. Not at all. Even Damen is more Hamlet-like than Laurent and Damen is a man of action.

I meant the whole plot side of it-- you said, I like this bit of foreshadowing here, not only is the Regent like a King, but it looks (from Laurent's revelation in later chapters) like he wants to become one in his own right. I think that Marlas = Ear.

I like Laurent's dichotomies: he's strong, but he's also vulnerable. He's cold and aloof, but he also shows hints of sensuality. He's a puzzle.

I kind of love his enforced (sexy) asexuality. It's so unusual to find a celibate character in slash that isn't in the closet or naively virginal or some silly shit like that.

I love that these are two men, strong and physically capable men, that are at odds yet will eventually come to some mutual understanding and find love. This story is more like The

[dm_wyatt]

I'm very picky with slavefics. I love them in theory and hate them in practice.

I agree. I've read a few and none have captured me the way this one has.

I don't like the usual Yaoi-style tropes, the feminine sub who gratefully accepts his enslavement. Erasmus is a good example of this sort of story idea.