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CRUCIBLE OF CREATIVE POTENTIAL: The Homestuck Request Meme
ACT TWO
(also known as SHITSTAIN ASSMASTER)By popular demand, a general request meme for MSPA, at long last. Have an idea you want to see drawn or written? This is the place to ask. Both romantic (of any kind, het or slash) and general prompts are accepted. Reply to those comments with art ( Read more... )
ACT TWO
(also known as SHITSTAIN ASSMASTER)By popular demand, a general request meme for MSPA, at long last. Have an idea you want to see drawn or written? This is the place to ask. Both romantic (of any kind, het or slash) and general prompts are accepted. Reply to those comments with art ( Read more... )
TG: dunno man you seemed hella intent on pontificating about your predestination visionary bullshit all on your own
TG: not gonna get in the way of a man and his monologue
TG: should i step outside for a bit and make it a soliloquy
TG: anytime youre ready to get off the stage give me a call
TG: try not to keep the bows going on for too long mmkay
TG: three curtain calls tops
CG: STRIDER, SHUT THAT FESTERING LOAD GAPER YOU SO OPTIMISTICALLY CALL A PROTEIN CHUTE BEFORE WE ALL PASS OUT FROM THE PUTRID STENCH OF YOUR FETID CONVERSATIONAL EFFLUVIA.
CG: I AM ATTEMPTING TO MAKE A POINT HERE.
TG: yeah i sorta gathered
TG: basically you were waxing all kinds of lyrical about your raging hateboner
TG: and about how my unparalleled charisma disturbs and enthrals you in ways you dont quite understand
TG: thats about the upshot of this star struck little diatribe right
CG: WHAT? NO.
CG: AS IF I’D MAKE SUCH A BRAZEN SOLICITATION.
CG: THAT IS JUST RIDICULOUS.
CG: I MEAN
CG: NOT THAT I’M DENYING THE FACT THAT WE’VE OBVIOUSLY GOT A FAIRLY HEATED SORT OF RIVALRY GOING ON HERE, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE SIMPLY DENSE AND SHORTSIGHTED.
CG: OBVIOUSLY THERE’S A CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF TENSION, AND YOU’D HAVE TO BE BORDERLINE MORONIC TO REFUTE THAT.
CG: AND CLEARLY I’M NOT ABOUT TO JUST DISMISS OUT OF HAND THE POSSIBILITY OF ACTING ON THAT IN THE FUTURE.
CG: THAT WOULD BE STUPID.
TG: ahahahaha oh man
TG: you actually are arent you
TG: youre trying to strike up some kind of long distance gay alien hatelove liaison
TG: this has freaky extraterrestrial trollmance written all over it in spades
TG: pun fully intended
TG: see i didnt tune out completely when you gave me the ‘intro to troll relationships 101’ spiel
TG: just during the parts that had to do with shitty cinema
TG: which was most of it
CG: OKAY, COULD WE JUST GET THIS CLEAR?
CG: I AM NOT ATTEMPTING TO INITIATE SOME KIND OF CONVOLUTED KISMETIC DANCE HERE.
CG: WE’VE ONLY JUST MET, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
TG: isnt that my line
CG: AND IT’S NOT AS IF THERE’S ANY CHANCE OF THE TWO OF US INHABITING THE SAME UNIVERSE, SO IT’S ALL ACADEMIC ANYWAY.
CG: I MEAN, YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET PERFORATED BY A HAIL OF BULLETS IN LIKE TEN MINUTES.
CG: ALONGSIDE BEING TOTALLY PREMATURE AND BATSHIT INSANE, IT WOULD BE THE MOST SHORT-LIVED KISMESITUDE IN LIVING MEMORY.
TG: gee thanks for the reminder vantas
TG: id forgotten all about my imminent career switch to slug riddled corpseflesh before you deigned to give me the lowdown
TG: is it too late to write out a resume dyou reckon
TG: professional human colander
TG: strengths include rigor mortis and cooling to room temperature
TG: can hold breath underwater for limitless amount of time
TG: staring competition pro though not too great at thumb wars
CG: OH, GIVE OVER AND STOP BEING SO PATHETIC. IT’S NOT LIKE YOUR SPELL AS A CADAVER WILL BE ANYTHING BUT BRIEF.
CG: GOD, ANYONE WOULD THINK YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON IN PARADOX SPACE TO HAVE FACED THE PROSPECT OF A LITTLE TEMPORARY FATALITY.
CG: ONE SHORT LIPLOCK WITH THE TOTALLY UNAPPEALING SPACEWITCH AND YOU’LL BE WAKING UP ON DERSE, ALIVE AND UNPUNCTURED.
CG: THIS IS HARDLY THAT BIG OF A DEAL.
TG: yeah
TG: yeah youre totally right
TG: no other plans involving the death of my dreamself waiting in the wings here
TG: the wings are totally vacant and bereft of all future conjectures particularly ones to do with suicide missions
TG: everything planless and clueless and possibly ready for erratic and unscheduled flight but who even knows and certainly it is a mission which in no way demands the sacrifice of a derse player to achieve liftoff
Reply
CG: AND, OBVIOUSLY, NOR DO I CARE.
CG: THIS IS ALL TOTALLY IRRELEVANT. YOU AND YOUR TEAM ARE GOING TO BE OBLITERATED BY THE SCRATCH SOON ANYWAY.
TG: actually we sorta got a plan for that
TG: specifically your plan
CG: WAIT, WHAT PLAN? I THOUGHT YOU SAID THERE WERE NO PLANS?
TG: yeah but theres The Plan
TG: capitalised for exclusivity
TG: and believe me my fingers feel like theyve been seared by a gallon of magma after that excruciating brush with uppercase
TG: anyway with your teams help were gonna try and escape this dead session via the very thing that dooms you guys to begin with
TG: and i quote
TG: the scratch is our only hope
TG: in case this wasnt painfully obvious the person im quoting is you
CG: WHAT.
TG: future you
TG: you know the one who actually knows jack shit about anything
TG: and also the one who doesnt have some kind of freaky hatecrush on me
TG: that i know of
CG: YOU’D BE CORRECT WITH REGARDS TO THE SECOND PART - CHIEFLY BECAUSE NO EXISTING ITERATION OF ME, PAST,PRESENT, FUTURE OR SHITHIVE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, WOULD EVER CONSIDER HOPPING INTO A CALIGINOUS QUADRANT WITH SOMEONE AS UTTERLY REVOLTING AS YOU.
CG: I MEAN DOES THAT EVEN NEED TO BE STATED.
CG: IN ANY SANE, FUNCTIONAL REALITY, THAT OUGHT TO BE TAKEN AS READ.
TG: yeah thats what i thought before you went and flattened this conversation with a fuckton of awkward
CG: WOW.
CG: YEAH. THIS IS REALLY AWKWARD, ISN’T IT.
TG: on a scale of one to phenomenally cringe worthy
TG: yeah
TG: yeah this ranks up there
CG: OK, LOOK, HERE’S WHAT WE’LL DO.
CG: WE ARE NEVER, EVER GOING TO REFER TO WHATEVER SOLICITATION I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT INITIATE IN THIS CONVERSATION.
CG: AND ANYTHING I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TYPED IN A MOMENT OF TEMPORARY LUNACY IS HENCEFORTH TO BE OBLITERATED FROM THE RECORD, AND ALSO FROM OUR RESPECTIVE SHORT TERM MEMORIES.
CG: THE FRAGMENTS OF NEURAL TISSUE DEVOTED TO RECOLLECTION OF KARKAT’S EMBARASSING SHIT MAY AS WELL HAVE BEEN SURGICALLY REMOVED, FOR ALL THE SYNAPTIC ACTIVITY THEY WILL BE RECEIVING.
TG: actually I was planning on mocking you about that for the last few minutes of my existence
CG: AND WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NOW IS THAT YOU’RE GOING TO STIFLE THE DEMENTED, RANDOMISED TWITCHING OF YOUR IDIOTIC, BLUNT LITTLE FINGERTIPS AS THEY SKITTER ACROSS THE KEYBOARD TYPING USELESS BILGE
TG: ok im still typing more stuff for what its worth
TG: once more allow me to assure you that this never stopped
CG: AND YOU’RE GOING TO SWALLOW ALL THOSE DUMB, PEDANTIC QUIPS LINING THE HOLLOW RECESSES OF YOUR DEFICIENT THINK PAN
TG: see this is where things begin to teeter on the edge of coherency
TG: toeing the ridge of the precipice where things stop making sense
TG: think pan is bizarre alienese for brain right
TG: short of some hideous upturned oesophagus inversion im not seeing how i can swallow all my killer one liners if theyre tucked away in my head
CG: AND LISTEN PATIENTLY AS I DELIVER A BRUTAL AND REMORSELESS CHARACTER ASSASSINATION.
CG: YOU KNOW, AS PER THE ORIGINAL ITINERARY.
TG: or is troll biology really that fucked up
TG: automatic brain ingestion
TG: sounds plausible
CG: SO THIS IS ME.
CG: EVISCERATING YOUR SENSE OF SELF WORTH.
CG: NOW FOR GOD’S SAKE SHOW A BIT OF GRACE UNDER FIRE AND PAY ATTENTION.
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TG: ok gonna take a rain check on that savage conversational bloodbath
TG: sorry and all but ive got a hate date with a hail of bullets coming up in about a minute
CG: YEAH, LIKE THAT’S NOT THE MOST RIDICULOUS EXCUSE FOR A COP OUT I’VE EVER READ.
CG: FINE.
CG: SAYONARA, YOU SNIVELLING, CONTEMPTIBLE PRICK.
CG: I’LL BE TROLLING YOU BACKWARDS FROM NOW ON SO YOU WON’T EVEN BE ABLE TO GLOAT OVER WHATEVER STUPID DRIVEL I CAME OUT WITH A FEW MINUTES AGO.
TG: that is totally a plan which will never backfire leaving us waist deep in even more pointless confusion
TG: i approve
CG: DRIVEL WHICH, I MIGHT ADD, WAS COMPLETELY NOT THE SORT OF DRIVEL YOU TOOK IT TO BE.
CG: IT WAS A MUCH DIFFERENT VARIETY OF NONSENSE.
CG: PLATONIC NONSENSE.
TG: hahaha whatever dude
CG: SHUT UP.
CG: AND WITH THAT, I WILL BID YOU ONE FIRST AND FINAL FUCK YOU.
CG: FUCK YOU, DAVE STRIDER.
CG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE
TG: hey karkat
CG: WHAT.
TG: actually i dunno
TG: this is the part where im supposed to say something halfway meaningful
TG: you know to sum up this whole partnership in antagonistic interspecies persiflage in one fell pithy swoop
TG: but i got nothing
TG: so there it is
TG: just wanted to say
TG: bye i guess
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG].
CG: …
CG: GODDAMNIT.
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Fin.
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