======>
CRUCIBLE OF CREATIVE POTENTIAL: The Homestuck Request Meme
ACT TWO
(also known as SHITSTAIN ASSMASTER)By popular demand, a general request meme for MSPA, at long last. Have an idea you want to see drawn or written? This is the place to ask. Both romantic (of any kind, het or slash) and general prompts are accepted. Reply to those comments with art ( Read more... )
ACT TWO
(also known as SHITSTAIN ASSMASTER)By popular demand, a general request meme for MSPA, at long last. Have an idea you want to see drawn or written? This is the place to ask. Both romantic (of any kind, het or slash) and general prompts are accepted. Reply to those comments with art ( Read more... )
John is fifteen years old. He shows you a magic trick when you first meet, he goddamn sucks at first-person-shooters and he's quite possibly the only person you've ever met who calls you “Mr Strider”. As though you're actually a grown-up or something.
He's a complete fucking dweeb, and Dave practically falls all over himself to impress the guy at every little opportunity, but he's a good kid. You wouldn't say it to them, but they're both good kids, really.
It becomes pretty damn clear pretty damn fast you're the third wheel as long as Egbert's around. Bit weird, but hey, you're pretty sure that got proved to you three years ago when Dave's pointy shades met their end buried under the mountains of shit in his cupboard. You resist the great urge to sulk, and your resistance is an overwhelming success. Mostly.
You make your usual disappearances, off to peddle puppets in an unsuspecting marketplace, or to DJ at some shitty club, whatever, and Dave seems pretty grateful for the respite from your usually vigilant eye.
There's a million fucking messages in your plushrump inbox later on, all outraged about the sudden appearance of non-puppet boys making out in your livestream. And some, unnervingly, who seemed to have enjoyed the show. You make a mental note to swing your goddamn ban hammer on those guys later.
You're really going to have to remind Dave there's fucking cameras in the kitchen.
Reply
He stands before you with his new eighteenth birthday sword in hand, pointing wordlessly and challenging you to fight for once. You look across at him staring you down through his shades, his headphones slung around his neck, and a sword gripped in his hand. He looks like he's finally going to take this shit seriously.
You sit Lil Cal out for this one.
He takes the first blow, as is tradition, charging up to you quickly and without his usual stupid battlecry. Still doesn't make contact. You parry, move behind him, dart in to strike. He hits back, faster than you've ever remembered him doing it.
You stagger back, just for a second, but he's on the offensive quickly, there's no hesitation. The blows hit sharper and closer. He's been getting good lately. He got better and better since he was about thirteen.
You step up your game a little. You're both moving too fast to be seen, just two blurs separated by the clash of steel against steel. The little bastard can jump pretty far pretty fast, and you're actually sweating, there's not many times when you'll actually fucking sweat.
He hooks a foot around your leg, and you stumble and jump away, charging at him to hit again. He parries, and you see the flash of a smirk as he swings his sword again, and again, until finally you're too slow, he's too quick and your head hits the floor, cap falling off and sword skidding out of your hand.
He stands, leaning on his sword, and catches his breath. You rub the back of your head, pained and he just looks down at you, and adjusts his shades so the sunlight glints off them in an appropriately dramatic fashion (a habit he picked up from you).
“I think I just won, Bro.”
“Well goddamn, man. I think you just did,” you say, trying not to let on how proud you are of the kid, because that fucking smirk is already threatening to break his face, “Colour me impressed, little bro. But I'm still the grand-tier master of irony, man.”
“Well,” he says, and then pauses for just a second, his teeth gnawing his lower lip (a habit he picked up from Egbert) before the patented Strider poker face is back in action, “I'd say an exclusive liking for mancock was pretty fucking ironic.”
You gasp in mock surprise, a hand going to your mouth, and he just scowls at you, mumbling a shut up under his breath. You chuckle and put your cap back on.
“Yeah, alright, I can't compete with that shit. Point taken.”
“Damn right.”
He offers you a hand, and pulls you to your feet.
Reply
FP: sup.
EB: oh, wow! hey, mr strider!
EB: nothing much over here, what's up with you?
EB: wait, is dave okay? it's not like you message me much...
FP: what. nah. chill.
FP: daves fine better than fine probably.
EB: oh good. you had me worried for a second there!
FP: and will you cool it on the mr strider thing.
FP: just call me bro
FP: only appropriate considering youre fucking my lil bro.
EB: uh!
FP: or being fucked by. i really dont need the goddamn details.
EB: er!
EB: i.
EB: hahaha. okay, okay, very funny mr strider!
EB: hehe yeah. haha.
FP: do you two think im fucking stupid or something i mean god damn.
FP: you two are about as subtle as a fucking wrecking ball to the face.
FP: how HIGH do you have to be to MISS something like that.
EB: oh.
EB: oh man.
EB: i'm sorry i know this must be really weird for you!
EB: i mean i just kind of come over every now and then and play video games with you guys and dork up the place.
EB: i mean you probably wanted dave to bring home a nice girl or something!
EB: which i'm obviously not!
EB: i mean the girl bit, not the nice bit.
EB: i mean, you think i'm nice right? you don't like hate me or anything?
EB: because that would really be pretty terrible, you don't, right?
EB: i don't think i could deal! if you hate me tell me why and i'll fix it, i promise!
EB: dave is really important to me and i love him, i mean it.
EB: it's not anything creepy and i promise we always use protection.
EB: not that we do stuff like that that often! i don't want you to think that i'm some like
EB: or that we're like
EB: oh god why am i still typing?
FP: kid.
FP: breathe. fucking breathe.
EB: doing that. breathing in and breathing out. not at all any panicking going down over here, no siree.
FP: think rivers and mountains and wind and the sound of rain. light some fucking tealights if thats what it takes to make you chill out.
EB: if i had a cd of whale songs or something, you know i'd be blasting that shit.
FP: dont doubt it.
FP: and come on man.
FP: what did you think i expected raising a kid in a forest of giant fucking puppet dick.
FP: hes like fucking pooh bear if christopher robin grew up to be a dirty bastard with an extensive collection of sex toys.
FP: goddamn robin hood of fuzzwood forest.
FP: make you like maid marion wouldnt it?
FP: maid marius. whatever.
FP: a raging case of queer and a fetish for nerdy guys with an orthodontic crisis is the least that could have happened.
EB: um. so. it's alright, then?
FP: no im just going through all this to warn you off him.
FP: gtfo and stop sending dave swords. thou hast heard me say my homo lil bro is not for thee.
FP: i've already arranged a marriage with a nice puppet-loving young lady in canada.
EB: haha, see, i know that's a joke and everything.
EB: but i'm still having a heart attack.
EB: ...did he like the sword?
EB: i mean, was it a good pick? i know nothing about swords. to be honest, when dave talks about them i sometimes zone out a little.
FP: he kicked my ass with it.
FP: so yeah nice job there kid.
FP: fuck should really stop calling you two kids. aint really kids any more.
EB: well...i guess not really! hehehe.
EB: um. thanks for being so cool with this mr strider.
FP: bro. seriously im telling you. bro is fine its what everybody calls me.
EB: that's gonna take a little getting used to.
FP: anyway youre gonna get off the computer soon.
EB: i am?
FP: daves gonna be on the phone to you in five.
EB: he is?
FP: he is so fucking predictable.
EB: he thought he needed to give it a good hour or so before it was cool to get in touch and say thanks, didn't he?
EB: so dumb, jeez.
FP: yeah p much man. fucking ridiculous guy.
EB: yep! he has all of the ridiculous. all of it.
FP: feel free to slap him up if hes being a dumbass.
EB: haha, oh man.
EB: i don't think i could do that if i tried!
FP: yeah.
FP: you take good care of him egbert.
FP: consider this like my fucking blessing or some shit.
EB: i will, don't worry!
FP: yeah i know.
EB: oh man, my phone's ringing.
FP: told you. hes like fucking clockwork.
EB: pfft hahaha, man. yeah. anyway later, bro!
FP: later john.
-- ectobiologist [EB] ceased pestering fuzzyPhallus [FP] -
Yeah, they're good kids.
They're going to be just fine.
Reply
Just. Awesome stuff. Awesome. <3
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
I just. THIS IS SO LOVELY AND. Oh god your BRO VOICE and just.
Dave! John! Bro giving the best blessing ever! Dave coming out post-sword-fight! I COULD GO ON BUT I AM TOO BUSY BEING GLEEFUL!
You have all my love. ALL OF IT. ♥ ♥
Reply
Thanks for writing this up! ;)
Reply
oh my god
this is one of the most beautiful things I have yet read in this fandom. Thank you so much. ♥
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment