(no subject)
I'm full of guilt today. And my body is full of stress and exhaustion. This busy summer has finally caught up with me. Two jobs are sucking the life out of me. I don't have time to catch up with anything or anyone. I've let down a person I love because I can't handle myself.
I had to close my bank account and start a new one because of the idiot that "bought" my camera, and I had to report him to the police, who told me they couldn't do anything because he was out of state and the camera was only $250.
Even though that mess is finally over, I have to wait 7-10 days until my new debit card comes. So essentially, I'm broke.
And I'm beating myself up for saying yes to extra hours at NSP. What was I thinking? Why can't I say no? They want me to start answering phones, they keep getting on to me about it, and yet no one is taking the time to teach me. So that's stressful, too. And I can't explain things to them or my boss at MC because I don't want anyone to think that I'm weak due to my disease. I don't want them to think I'm just making excuses. If I had cancer, they might understand. But bipolar is still taboo and not many people really understand the toll it can take on your body and mind.
I'm just so tired. Even if I do get a break this weekend, I'll have given up the chance to meet some of the most important people in Thomas's life. And I feel terrible about that.
My only salvation this week has been his understanding and my mother. I love my mom so much and all I want to do is go home and not worry about things and hang out with her and Dani and just chill.
I have no other words.
I had to close my bank account and start a new one because of the idiot that "bought" my camera, and I had to report him to the police, who told me they couldn't do anything because he was out of state and the camera was only $250.
Even though that mess is finally over, I have to wait 7-10 days until my new debit card comes. So essentially, I'm broke.
And I'm beating myself up for saying yes to extra hours at NSP. What was I thinking? Why can't I say no? They want me to start answering phones, they keep getting on to me about it, and yet no one is taking the time to teach me. So that's stressful, too. And I can't explain things to them or my boss at MC because I don't want anyone to think that I'm weak due to my disease. I don't want them to think I'm just making excuses. If I had cancer, they might understand. But bipolar is still taboo and not many people really understand the toll it can take on your body and mind.
I'm just so tired. Even if I do get a break this weekend, I'll have given up the chance to meet some of the most important people in Thomas's life. And I feel terrible about that.
My only salvation this week has been his understanding and my mother. I love my mom so much and all I want to do is go home and not worry about things and hang out with her and Dani and just chill.
I have no other words.