3-14-2023
I was told to start journaling and even look up Journal Prompts so I don't even have to come up with what to write about.
I'll start first about just feeling lost, and that I don't know who I am. I feel like the pieces just scattered and I can't find any of them I was on such a great trajectory and this sets me back to worst than before.
Who am I. Where am I going. What is there for me? Why does it feel like I am not worth fighting for?
I just feel the crushing weight of just being so used, discarded and not worth love. I try to fill my days but it just creeps back to me. Just laying in bed until sometimes 3am. Unable to rest. I'm so drained from this feeling.
Maybe when I move out of this condo I'll feel like I can start a new chapter and close this one.
Writing Prompt #1
If you could go back and give your 15 year old self one piece of advice, what would it be?
Speak up for yourself and set boundaries. Advocate for yourself and fight for those things you wanted and needed in life. The high school you should have gone to (A Tech), keep with Band or an instrument instead of feeling like you had to put everyone before you so you felt like an inconvenience if you tried to ask for what you wanted and needed. So much could have changed if I just fought for what I needed as a kid, a person, but what is a kid to do when that's is all he has known. I shouldn't have to fight for that, but it was unsupported and I had to fight for it myself. I know no use that would of could of should ofs, it just frustrates me. The path of least resistance.