Mixed Emotions, and Improved Physique.
I've been having some serious mixed emotions lately, regarding my physique. There are times when I'm pretty happy with it. I've dropped down to 225 lbs. That's the lightest I've been since college! I mean, when you compare these pictures, the improvement is actually pretty rad:
So, I mean, it's definitely improving. Currently, all I've really done is upped my cardio, and started doing Jillian Michaels' "30-Day Shred" program. Also, I've improved my eating habits. (ALWAYS eating breakfast, and drinking 1 Gallon of H2O per day minimum, and NO white bread... only whole grain.) But here's my problem... I want more. I feel weird about this. Half the time, I think I'm just looking to improve as an athlete, and lead a healthier life... but then sometimes I wonder if this is a lot like having an eating disorder, or a self-image problem. I think for male athletes (which, if I'm not, I'm certainly working towards being) it's a lot like the pressure young women feel from models in magazine ads. Especially in wrestling where the performers are freakish in their muscularity. Honestly, there's a part of me that wants to do away with my current look all-together and end up giant, ripped, and tanned with a 6-pack of abs. But then there's a part of me that enjoys when the crowd calls me fat, or pale. I just don't know.
If I can get a gym membership, I'll definitely be working toward a "bigger" physique, while trying to maintain my recently-shrunken waist. Without that, I'll be sticking to my current plan of cardio and body weight-based strength exercises.
There's also a part of em that feels guilty while working out, because I feel like it's disrespectful to H, as it is more time I could be spending trying to get a real job and financially do my part more.
Again, a lot of mixed emotions. Is it weird for me to feel guilty while working out? Is it weird that I want to end up ripped and tanned? Is the improvement in my physique as noticeable as I seem to think it is, or am I just making a big deal out of it?
So, I mean, it's definitely improving. Currently, all I've really done is upped my cardio, and started doing Jillian Michaels' "30-Day Shred" program. Also, I've improved my eating habits. (ALWAYS eating breakfast, and drinking 1 Gallon of H2O per day minimum, and NO white bread... only whole grain.) But here's my problem... I want more. I feel weird about this. Half the time, I think I'm just looking to improve as an athlete, and lead a healthier life... but then sometimes I wonder if this is a lot like having an eating disorder, or a self-image problem. I think for male athletes (which, if I'm not, I'm certainly working towards being) it's a lot like the pressure young women feel from models in magazine ads. Especially in wrestling where the performers are freakish in their muscularity. Honestly, there's a part of me that wants to do away with my current look all-together and end up giant, ripped, and tanned with a 6-pack of abs. But then there's a part of me that enjoys when the crowd calls me fat, or pale. I just don't know.
If I can get a gym membership, I'll definitely be working toward a "bigger" physique, while trying to maintain my recently-shrunken waist. Without that, I'll be sticking to my current plan of cardio and body weight-based strength exercises.
There's also a part of em that feels guilty while working out, because I feel like it's disrespectful to H, as it is more time I could be spending trying to get a real job and financially do my part more.
Again, a lot of mixed emotions. Is it weird for me to feel guilty while working out? Is it weird that I want to end up ripped and tanned? Is the improvement in my physique as noticeable as I seem to think it is, or am I just making a big deal out of it?