I cant believe its really over
I've tricked myself into believeing it was going to actually work out. Everything around me reminds me of all the amazing times we had together. I'm so miserable right now. I started going to school partly to show her I'm not lazy. I started hanging out with my friends more partly to show her I'm not completely dependent on her.My pictures, my music, my room, my clothes, my car, everything makes me think of her. I spent the last two years being infatuated with someone who just broke my heart. She already seems to have moved on, which makes me think she wasnt as into it as she said, which makes me think this really wasnt the relationship I thought it was . Maybe I tried so hard to keep her that it ran her off. I was comfortable, and never embarrased about doing something stupid. They say if you find someone you can truely feel comfortable bing yourself around, youve found your soul mate. It's going to be hard, these next few weeks/months/years however long it takes to move on. I've never been so crushed in my life and I hate myself for setting myself up for this. I still look at her after all this time and think she is the most beautiful girl in the world. She still makes me laugh with every little thing. I just dont understand how wanting to spend more time with your friends, or work on grades would cause you to hurt someone you love. I cant understand how having fights can make you want to not be with someone you *really* love. I CAN understand it if you dont really love them. If you really do, you forgive people for their faults and mistakes and look past their shortcomings. You dont think about where someone is headed, how many friends they have, what they think of your friends, or what your friends think of them. It's all irrelevent. None of that matters because you love that person for who they are not what they are. I've never felt love before her. I never imagined being with anyone else, and I never imagined I would get hurt like this. I think the sad part is I would take her back the first chance I got, only with the hopes I could make our relationship stronger and happier. Jessy, if youre reading this I want you toknow that there is not one time in my life where I have been this miserable. I feel like I'm missing part of myself, or im just not myself. You will always be the love of my life, and I will never forget you showing me a person I never thought could exist. You literally were the girl of my dreams.