A second update in as many days? Whatever, man...
This was my original version of a write up of a police report. My boss thought it was funny, but said that I might get sued if we printed it. Oh well. It should be noted that the story does not represent the actual, factual occurences. This thing is in no way legit news (disclaimer city, baby):
Rocked by a raccoon
Friday on Hillhouse street police responded to a report that a man hit his sister with a dead raccoon.
The woman accused her brother of giving her water to another guy, so he hit his sister in the eye.
She didn’t like that, she said I’m gonna call the police.
The man left the raccoon and slipped from the room, only to return after a while.
When the man came back in, police said he was as drunk as sin. They did not take his statement, because he might lie, and tell them fables.
The brother checked out, and police left no doubt, that he was not to make another arrival.
Rocked by a raccoon
Friday on Hillhouse street police responded to a report that a man hit his sister with a dead raccoon.
The woman accused her brother of giving her water to another guy, so he hit his sister in the eye.
She didn’t like that, she said I’m gonna call the police.
The man left the raccoon and slipped from the room, only to return after a while.
When the man came back in, police said he was as drunk as sin. They did not take his statement, because he might lie, and tell them fables.
The brother checked out, and police left no doubt, that he was not to make another arrival.