Solar System granted restraining order against Pluto
Pluto today in a hastily cobbled press conference stated,
"I don't even want to be a planet in your candy-assed solar system.
I am out of here beotches." Pluto had said earlier that
it was considering a better offer from a non bullshit system near Tau Ceti, but it was later revealed to be a mere negotiating tactic, and that the International Astronomical Union (IAU) had called its bluff.
Charon, Pluto's publicist, said that Pluto is just a little depressed and enjoys being a planet and said that it been drinking and did not mean what it had said. Pluto then returned to the podium and wiping away frozen methane tears, begged "Please don't make me a dwarf planet like Sneezy and Doc. Give me one more chance. Lookout Mercury, you could be next." Mercury, currently the wimpiest Planet, did not appear to be nervous, claiming "mad planet skillz and a metallic core...so step off."
The IAU is unlikely to reconsider Pluto's status.
In an unrelated news story, the International Chemists Union (ICU) said that the element 94, Plutonium, had been demoted to a minor substance.
Financial News
"I don't even want to be a planet in your candy-assed solar system.
I am out of here beotches." Pluto had said earlier that
it was considering a better offer from a non bullshit system near Tau Ceti, but it was later revealed to be a mere negotiating tactic, and that the International Astronomical Union (IAU) had called its bluff.
Charon, Pluto's publicist, said that Pluto is just a little depressed and enjoys being a planet and said that it been drinking and did not mean what it had said. Pluto then returned to the podium and wiping away frozen methane tears, begged "Please don't make me a dwarf planet like Sneezy and Doc. Give me one more chance. Lookout Mercury, you could be next." Mercury, currently the wimpiest Planet, did not appear to be nervous, claiming "mad planet skillz and a metallic core...so step off."
The IAU is unlikely to reconsider Pluto's status.
In an unrelated news story, the International Chemists Union (ICU) said that the element 94, Plutonium, had been demoted to a minor substance.
Financial News
- DJIA down 41.5
PL down 2.35
NEPT +3.97