Brave Star

[captainmplanet]

As a teenager and even into my college years I was always looking back, back into my childhood, back to what I thought was surely the most pristine, perfect past. Before boobs and bad grades and cigarettes and bullies and starving myself and depression and poor choices and their consequences. And what could bring me back to that sheltered, happy

Comments

and if you feel a little left behind, we wait for you on the other side

[belisariuss]

your posts
are so
jam packed
full of ideas

I realize
you shared this post with me
because
it connected
to the idea
of a mix tape
and
as you pointed out
these are just
a few songs
from your childhood

but
I am
one of those people
who cannot
let something
something
like an idea
or a plethora
of ideas
go uncommented upon

first
be for all else

I love
the title (subject line)
of your post

so beautiful
Brave Star

just love it

I think
sometimes
that I lucked out

that
my past
offers
no pristine
Eden
for me
to look back upon
with longing
and horror
over its corruption

that is not
to suggest
that my early life
was so terrible

it was actually
okay

but
it was far from ideal

I love my father
but
I do not think
he really
ought to have been
a father

you so beautifully
describe your early childhood

it is just
amazing

I believe
you will
experience
days again
like that
in the sun

but
I have
absolutely no proof of that

other than
that
I think
you are a pretty incredible person
and
you deserve
to be happy

my replies
are always a bit
stochastic
because
I never
can really
settle on
what
to say first

occasionally
I feel
that my memories
of the past
are not
really that strong
or vivid

but
I remember all sorts of things

I remember
my family
getting fish dinners
from
the Aquarium
this bar in Thorp, WI
where
they had
an actual aquarium
for a bar

I remember
a tornado
tearing down
a tree in our yard
looking out
the front door
during the storm
and only seeing leaves

I remember
haying
in the hot summers

I remember
walking along the railroad
and finding a dead dog
that looked
just like
our dog
while walking
with that same dog
and then
the same dog
disappearing
a week or so later

I remember
Amish neighbor
my father hated
for some unknown reason

I remember
nights
with my cousins

my parents
playing cards

and us kids
running
all over the place

I remember
my cousins'
refrigerator
that seemed
to have an inexhaustible supply
of various sodas

I remember
watching The Terminator
and Friday the 13th
with my sister

I remember my mom
backing the car
into the ditch
after a Four-H hayride

but...
strangely
nothing
comes back
as this memory
of the good times

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

perhaps
I am more empathetic
to the music and literature
of my present life

than I am
to my own childhood

I know
in some ways
as a child
I probably felt closer
to Kirk and Spock
than I did to any of my friends

you might
ask
or inquire
is all this
reaching some point
or conclusion

probably not

was your world fucked?

is it?

can we lay conquest
to Eden?

can we cobble together
something
that we can recognize as beauty?

do we need
to reject part of this world

part of naked consumerism

the part of humanity that embraces frivolity
and the profane (or can we live together in peace and harmony)

what is it
we need to do

sometimes
I wonder
if our parents
are Cronus

they are so concerned
with their children
destroying them
that
they consume them (actually my mom is awesome and I cannot think a single ill thought towards her)

what do you think?

I suppose
this post
is old
born in another time

but
I think
there is part of us
from all ages
that remains

-Eric