Mar 17, 2008 20:38
I don't know what my deal has been lately.
Since I've been back I haven't been able to keep myself on a consistent level of functioning for more than a day or two. Last week I was just a slobbering mess of a person. I've been completely out of focus with a fucked up function. I feel like I'm walking around with some type of negative magnetic force that just disrupts whatever I come into contact with. I'm terribly behind on work, I keep pushing off seeing friends to get work done, I"ve been sick or feeling sick twice since I've been back and now I"ve gone and killed my car. I'm not really terribly upset, just sort of confused. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just feel completely and wholey not myself right now, it's rather disconserting.
On a positive note I"ve been all over getting things done today which has been great. It seems school never tires giving me late notice to do things that will eventually be a huge inconvience. I now have two big presentations to do for teachers and people. Brooklawn and Brown Scholars. I'll be lucky if Brown Scholars actually lets me do it considering how late I'm about to turn in material. Meh, they can get over it. They started with 35 my freshman year and now I'm sure we have about 7 left that will graduate with it.
Furthermore, I feel like I've been completely and totally helpless in terms of taking care of myself. I always find people making exceptions for me, helping me out, going out of their way so things will work for me. Why do I suck at this? I really just feel like I'm terrible at doing things for myself and making them work. I always seem to need someone to help me. This is something I really don't like about myself. I don't want to be helpless. It just kind of sucks.
What makes it worse is that I know I should not be bitching about my blessed existance. I should be insanely thankful, and I am. I just wish I could figure out what is making me feel so out of sorts lately. It just doesn't make sense.