To a life where I can't watch the sunset
I'm not able to start this until now, about 10 till 9 so I don't have as much time to write. Prof is up there talking about light and such and for the most part I have been paying attention and trying to get everything done. Oh and the rain is falling again, which makes me feel so good... I wonder if dan is going to want to go running....
I'm pretty sure our country is utterly fucked. We've become so absorbed with our self possessed individualism that I fear it will come crashing down in short time. All people care about is personal recognition, being appreciated, desired, understood and given the personal attention that "they deserve" because being consciously aware means you are something of worth. This drives me fucking crazy, when people want recognition for simply being alive, not for doing something with their lives. I see it a lot in kids, not even at work but when I take them out places. Kids that don't care what they are doing, how they are acting or what their actions do to other people. "If it's not hurting me then whats the big deal". In fact I feel like once our kids at work reach a certain level they have a higher respect for this kind of stuff. Mainly because they REALLY know about pain and what it feels like, where so many others of us don't but think our middle or upper class lives have shown us some divine truth through the terrible struggles that come from living in such privledge. I do this too, which is why I get so incredibly angry when I'm in a bad mood. I get mad that I can't find happiness but have such a blessed life. I think about the people I'm going to see in Guatemala and I know now that my life is soooo much better off in terms of food, education, housing, and god forbib, even governmental support. Yet we bitch and complain and make a scene about our lives like it's something important in the grander scheme of things in the universe. People really need to fucking get over themselves. Seriously.
I'm thinking about the Peace Corp again. I don't know how serious about it I am but I plan on filling out the rest of the application and trying to see what I would be able to do. If I got placement somewhere in Central America or the Carribean I think I would be happy with it. Part of me really wants to go while part of me is petrified.
The rain stopped, but I did get to hear some thunder. Things seem almost to be organized to a T right now. I go through bi-polar stages of feeling organzied and feeling like the world is spinning out of control. I really don't like it. Most of it comes from people wanting me to do things though. The problem lies in me wanting to do them, but not always having time. I have too much experience of pissing people off to always say no. I feel like hal the time I have to say no I'm making someone mad. The most relaxing moments I have are when I can take all of an hour just playing halo without my phone going off, without being bothered or pestered and just let kill things. Why I find this thereputic, I don't know. Probably because it's the only thing I do for me now. Other then making the game for the boys, only because it stimulates my creativity and makes me think about the story that isn't on paper, and hasn't had time to be born there yet.
I might take the next class to try and write something on there, or maybe do my Peace Corp app, or finish whatever is needed for the UofL app., or make the bracelets for my friends, or.....there was something else, but I"ve forgotten it now. Maybe I'll actually pay attention....what a thought!
I'm pretty sure our country is utterly fucked. We've become so absorbed with our self possessed individualism that I fear it will come crashing down in short time. All people care about is personal recognition, being appreciated, desired, understood and given the personal attention that "they deserve" because being consciously aware means you are something of worth. This drives me fucking crazy, when people want recognition for simply being alive, not for doing something with their lives. I see it a lot in kids, not even at work but when I take them out places. Kids that don't care what they are doing, how they are acting or what their actions do to other people. "If it's not hurting me then whats the big deal". In fact I feel like once our kids at work reach a certain level they have a higher respect for this kind of stuff. Mainly because they REALLY know about pain and what it feels like, where so many others of us don't but think our middle or upper class lives have shown us some divine truth through the terrible struggles that come from living in such privledge. I do this too, which is why I get so incredibly angry when I'm in a bad mood. I get mad that I can't find happiness but have such a blessed life. I think about the people I'm going to see in Guatemala and I know now that my life is soooo much better off in terms of food, education, housing, and god forbib, even governmental support. Yet we bitch and complain and make a scene about our lives like it's something important in the grander scheme of things in the universe. People really need to fucking get over themselves. Seriously.
I'm thinking about the Peace Corp again. I don't know how serious about it I am but I plan on filling out the rest of the application and trying to see what I would be able to do. If I got placement somewhere in Central America or the Carribean I think I would be happy with it. Part of me really wants to go while part of me is petrified.
The rain stopped, but I did get to hear some thunder. Things seem almost to be organized to a T right now. I go through bi-polar stages of feeling organzied and feeling like the world is spinning out of control. I really don't like it. Most of it comes from people wanting me to do things though. The problem lies in me wanting to do them, but not always having time. I have too much experience of pissing people off to always say no. I feel like hal the time I have to say no I'm making someone mad. The most relaxing moments I have are when I can take all of an hour just playing halo without my phone going off, without being bothered or pestered and just let kill things. Why I find this thereputic, I don't know. Probably because it's the only thing I do for me now. Other then making the game for the boys, only because it stimulates my creativity and makes me think about the story that isn't on paper, and hasn't had time to be born there yet.
I might take the next class to try and write something on there, or maybe do my Peace Corp app, or finish whatever is needed for the UofL app., or make the bracelets for my friends, or.....there was something else, but I"ve forgotten it now. Maybe I'll actually pay attention....what a thought!