Shocking, more HP writing xD
LJ Cutting my crazy ramblings as usual xD;;; <3
This is another section worked in around my friend and I's rp <3
Just popping up here for the heck of it~
Conversation between James and Remus after things go a little... wonky to say the least with Lily and James. =]
Different Kinds of Friends...
There are some things that you just can't tell your best friend. Maybe it's because you're that close, that going into it too much would be weird. Maybe it's that you know he wouldn't really understand it. Maybe it's that you couldn't really face seeing a look of... attempted sympathy that you know he can't really give you. Maybe you just honestly can't face being so weak and pathetic in front of someone you always want to be collected, cool and amazing in front of... if James Potter was completely honest he knew it was probably mostly the last reason, with a little dash of all the others thrown in for good measure. He and Sirius just... didn't really have that kind of friendship. They were as close as brothers, without a doubt, Sirius he loved as family, but this sort of thing...? This went a little beyond the realms of their friendship.
This was why he'd made a point of ditching dinner a little earlier, claiming he needed to pop back to the dorm to grab a few things before Quidditch practice, he had time, he didn't suppose it would take very long in all honestly, what he wanted to do, seriously, how much time could you spending talking about... feelings? He couldn't imagine he'd really have much to say... but equally he knew there was only so much time you could go around being perky bright and totally okay with the world when honestly you felt like someone had ripped off your right arm. Figuratively of course, he wouldn't have been playing chaser if he didn't have a right arm... he wouldn't have been playing at all actually.
It didn't take long for James Potter's unnaturally long legs to carry him back up to the common room, which was fairly full of students, chattering, working, that sort of thing. The norm, the usual, there was nothing unexpected happening in there. But he had no intention of joining them, and luckily for him it seemed the person he wanted to speak to wasn't settled in the common room either. Then again he hadn't really expected him to be. Remus had declined dinner, pleading feeling a little queasy, and he was fairly certain his friend would just be curled up in the dorm room reading.
This was a very out of character day for him, or at least in his own opinion. The whole... talking business didn't really sit that well with him. Sure he knew people did it, and he knew that girls talked all the time, but guys weren't meant to really, were they? They were meant to be able to just cope with things as they came, not get bothered and ruffled by emotions and worries, just brush it all off and carry on, and not being funny, most of the time he managed to do just that quite admirably, he felt. But this was a little more difficult. There was more to the current situation than he was actually going to let most people become aware of. As far as the world would know he was irritated, but accepting of the fact that Lily Evans had broken up with him. Why did he need a girlfriend who spent more time with books than with him? He was James Potter! He could have anyone he wanted! Which was actually, alarmingly, probably truer than even he believed... he was outgoing, fairly charming, very popular and certainly not bad looking. People en masse could know he was pissed off, possibly a little hurt at first, but that he was pretty much over it after a good night of untroubled sleep. They didn't need to know that pretty much a week on that wasn't something he'd managed to have yet...
Pulling himself together a little more, he reached down a hand and pushed the door to the boys dorm open and poked his head around it, smiling very slightly when, as predicted, he spotted his sandy haired friend settled on his bed and currently peering over at him with a curious look in his face, he'd obviously been reading.
"Hello James, aren't you meant to be at practice?" Remus carefully closed the book he'd had propped open on his lap and pushed it a little way away from him as his lanky friend walked into the room, pushing the door closed. "Did you forget something?"
"Yeah." James replied at once. "Well, no actually... well... Hmm." He flicked his eyes over to his friend, then back to him for a moment, then away once more. This was so stupidly awkward... how the hell were you supposed to go about this stuff? This... talky... emotional stuff. Part of him just wanted to fob his being back here off as forgetting something like Remus had asked, but part of him knew that if he didn't actually talk about what had happened he was going to lose his mind... at least he felt like he was, and Remus was honestly the only person he could think of that wouldn't mock him for his feelings... they'd called Remus a wet blanket for his enough times, maybe sometimes having a wet blanket for a friend could be a good thing. Remus and Sirius, he reflected, were very different kinds of friends, both fantastic in their own way, but very different. "Actually... I was hoping I could... you know... just talk to you for a little."
Once again a surprised look touched the shorter boys face. "Talk to me? Well... of course you can, James." He shifted slightly, crossing his legs under him and gestured at the edge of the bed. James however moved to sit himself down on the floor beside it, leaning back against the wooden frame and the mattress.
"It's... it's this whole thing with Evans. With... Lily."
Ah. So that was it... Remus found himself nodding, "Okay. Go on."
"It's just... well..." Bloody hell... why did this have to be so difficult? "Everyone... I want them to all think it's fine. You know? That I don't care, that it's no big deal..." James shifted his hands in vague gestures as he spoke. Remus just nodded at him as he glanced back over his shoulder.
"I want them to figure she didn't mean that much to me, that it didn't really figure as anything important but..."
"But?"
"But it did...y'know?"
"It did?" He was honestly just trying to prompt his dark haired friend, get him to say a little more.
"Of course it did Moony!" James's tone was a little hot as he said that. "She was... It was Lily! And... mate... I love her."
"Ah...I see." Love her. Present tense not past, poor James...
"Yeah... I mean... she's obviously stupid, breaking up with me.. I mean come on! It's me!" He was no good at this... this talking thing. Bravado was a good mask to hide behind...
"You don't have to ham it up with me Prongs... I might not be able to really... sympathise, but you know me... I'm not going to judge you... or laugh."
"Sirius would..."
"I'm not Sirius."
"Good point. It's just... I'm crap at this whole... talking thing. I don't know what to say."
"It's not usually that hard for you... but in this case I don't think there's a right or wrong to it, you know that? It's not a test. I think the point of talking is that you just say anything."
"I'm not a girl you know."
"Well you live in the boys dorm room... so I'd guessed that."
"You're not funny..."
"I wasn't trying to be. If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to... but you've come all the way back up here, so you might as well try."
"But I don't know what I want to say Moony, it's not that easy... it's just... there is this one thing." He paused, pulling his legs up so he could rest his feet flat on the floor, folding his arms and propping them up on his knees. "Just before she showed up... Snape said... well..."
"What did he say?"
"He said that... I should hit him... because Lily would never punish him. That she cared about him too much... and then she proved him right. She turned up. She took points off of Pads and me, and just let him get away with it." James' tone of voice was rather quiet as he spoke. It was strange hearing the usually arrogant boy being so earnest about something, but, Remus reflected, James had always been earnest about how much he liked Lily Evans, and now seemed to be no exception.
"James... I don't really know-" Remus was cut off however.
"I know there's nothing you can really say Moony, I mean... she did what she did... but I love her! I was really trying... really, really trying to be... what she wanted me to be... but I don't want to change, not really. I don't want to stop having fun, you know? Messing around with Sirius, Pete... and you, I know we tease you and give you hell over being such a goody two shoes, but that's who you are... but it's not... me. I guess I just really wish she could like me anyway..."
"I think she did James..."
"Then why break up with me?" James turned on the spot to peer up at his friend. "Why in front of the whole school? Shit Moony... I feel like someone's just pulled something out of me. It's awful... I've never felt anything like this... it's like being smacked in the stomach with a bludger followed by a bat to the head while your team mates try to shove the snitch down your throat... only worse. Ugh, I can't even describe it. I really didn't start it though, I don't care what anyone else thinks, that slimy little git just started spouting insults this time, about you... her... he called her, you know..." His words had fallen quite quiet.
"I know..."
"I couldn't just let him get away with it... but I don't think she even cares what the reasons were this time. Maybe he really was right. Maybe she really was just... playing me..."
"You don't really believe that." Remus' tone was slightly accusing as he spoke. "James you don't honestly believe Lily would do that, do you"?
"...No." James replied miserably after a moment. "But you know... it'd be easier if that was the damn reason... because then it wouldn't be my fault that something that really could have worked got so completely screwed up if was." His words trailed off with a small sigh. "I just wanted it to work. I suppose it's probably going to be easier if we're not together, I mean, I won't have to watch what I say around her any more, and I won't end up ditching you guys... I know Pete didn't like that. There are good points to it... I just... it's lame but I guess I just wanted someone to know what it really feels like. It's not easy trying to pretend it's not important."
"Why don't you just stop pretending then...?" It was easier said than done, Remus knew, trying to be something you weren't. They all had their secrets...
"Because I don't want her to know how much she hurt me." James stated, his voice taking on a stubborn note again. "She ended it. She made the decision, fine. But I don't want her to know it hurt me. I walked away with my head high, and I don't plan to let her know that it wasn't real." He fixed his eyes firmly on the floor. "Don't you dare tell anyone Moony. Okay? This is secret. This whole thing is between us. I don't want her to know, Pads to know, anyone. Just you and me... I don't want the rest of the school thinking I'm as much of a wet blanket as you are." He was threw a little grin his friends way as he said that however.
Remus for what it was worth simply rolled his eyes, a slightly uncomfortable sensation twisting his stomach. It was one thing, being the person who your friend chose to talk to, that he could handle... but being the only person who was ever allowed to know something? That was a little more responsibility than he was really willing to accept... however, when it came to the kind of friendship that their group had, when something like this came up you didn't really have that much of a choice. "Okay Prongs, no problem." He stated. "Now... you should really go, you're already late for practice, wouldn't want Sirius knowing you got your knickers all in a twist now, would you?" He was gratified to see his friend smile.
A small laugh even passed James's lips as he pushed himself up to his feet again. "True enough." He stated. "I'll catch you later Moony, thanks for the chat." With that he moved across the room to grab up his bag again, and turned to jog back down the stairs. It was good to have friends, he reflected, especially such different ones... he could go from talking quite seriously to Remus, to messing about on the Quidditch pitch with Sirius as if nothing had happened. It was most excellent.
This is another section worked in around my friend and I's rp <3
Just popping up here for the heck of it~
Conversation between James and Remus after things go a little... wonky to say the least with Lily and James. =]
Different Kinds of Friends...
There are some things that you just can't tell your best friend. Maybe it's because you're that close, that going into it too much would be weird. Maybe it's that you know he wouldn't really understand it. Maybe it's that you couldn't really face seeing a look of... attempted sympathy that you know he can't really give you. Maybe you just honestly can't face being so weak and pathetic in front of someone you always want to be collected, cool and amazing in front of... if James Potter was completely honest he knew it was probably mostly the last reason, with a little dash of all the others thrown in for good measure. He and Sirius just... didn't really have that kind of friendship. They were as close as brothers, without a doubt, Sirius he loved as family, but this sort of thing...? This went a little beyond the realms of their friendship.
This was why he'd made a point of ditching dinner a little earlier, claiming he needed to pop back to the dorm to grab a few things before Quidditch practice, he had time, he didn't suppose it would take very long in all honestly, what he wanted to do, seriously, how much time could you spending talking about... feelings? He couldn't imagine he'd really have much to say... but equally he knew there was only so much time you could go around being perky bright and totally okay with the world when honestly you felt like someone had ripped off your right arm. Figuratively of course, he wouldn't have been playing chaser if he didn't have a right arm... he wouldn't have been playing at all actually.
It didn't take long for James Potter's unnaturally long legs to carry him back up to the common room, which was fairly full of students, chattering, working, that sort of thing. The norm, the usual, there was nothing unexpected happening in there. But he had no intention of joining them, and luckily for him it seemed the person he wanted to speak to wasn't settled in the common room either. Then again he hadn't really expected him to be. Remus had declined dinner, pleading feeling a little queasy, and he was fairly certain his friend would just be curled up in the dorm room reading.
This was a very out of character day for him, or at least in his own opinion. The whole... talking business didn't really sit that well with him. Sure he knew people did it, and he knew that girls talked all the time, but guys weren't meant to really, were they? They were meant to be able to just cope with things as they came, not get bothered and ruffled by emotions and worries, just brush it all off and carry on, and not being funny, most of the time he managed to do just that quite admirably, he felt. But this was a little more difficult. There was more to the current situation than he was actually going to let most people become aware of. As far as the world would know he was irritated, but accepting of the fact that Lily Evans had broken up with him. Why did he need a girlfriend who spent more time with books than with him? He was James Potter! He could have anyone he wanted! Which was actually, alarmingly, probably truer than even he believed... he was outgoing, fairly charming, very popular and certainly not bad looking. People en masse could know he was pissed off, possibly a little hurt at first, but that he was pretty much over it after a good night of untroubled sleep. They didn't need to know that pretty much a week on that wasn't something he'd managed to have yet...
Pulling himself together a little more, he reached down a hand and pushed the door to the boys dorm open and poked his head around it, smiling very slightly when, as predicted, he spotted his sandy haired friend settled on his bed and currently peering over at him with a curious look in his face, he'd obviously been reading.
"Hello James, aren't you meant to be at practice?" Remus carefully closed the book he'd had propped open on his lap and pushed it a little way away from him as his lanky friend walked into the room, pushing the door closed. "Did you forget something?"
"Yeah." James replied at once. "Well, no actually... well... Hmm." He flicked his eyes over to his friend, then back to him for a moment, then away once more. This was so stupidly awkward... how the hell were you supposed to go about this stuff? This... talky... emotional stuff. Part of him just wanted to fob his being back here off as forgetting something like Remus had asked, but part of him knew that if he didn't actually talk about what had happened he was going to lose his mind... at least he felt like he was, and Remus was honestly the only person he could think of that wouldn't mock him for his feelings... they'd called Remus a wet blanket for his enough times, maybe sometimes having a wet blanket for a friend could be a good thing. Remus and Sirius, he reflected, were very different kinds of friends, both fantastic in their own way, but very different. "Actually... I was hoping I could... you know... just talk to you for a little."
Once again a surprised look touched the shorter boys face. "Talk to me? Well... of course you can, James." He shifted slightly, crossing his legs under him and gestured at the edge of the bed. James however moved to sit himself down on the floor beside it, leaning back against the wooden frame and the mattress.
"It's... it's this whole thing with Evans. With... Lily."
Ah. So that was it... Remus found himself nodding, "Okay. Go on."
"It's just... well..." Bloody hell... why did this have to be so difficult? "Everyone... I want them to all think it's fine. You know? That I don't care, that it's no big deal..." James shifted his hands in vague gestures as he spoke. Remus just nodded at him as he glanced back over his shoulder.
"I want them to figure she didn't mean that much to me, that it didn't really figure as anything important but..."
"But?"
"But it did...y'know?"
"It did?" He was honestly just trying to prompt his dark haired friend, get him to say a little more.
"Of course it did Moony!" James's tone was a little hot as he said that. "She was... It was Lily! And... mate... I love her."
"Ah...I see." Love her. Present tense not past, poor James...
"Yeah... I mean... she's obviously stupid, breaking up with me.. I mean come on! It's me!" He was no good at this... this talking thing. Bravado was a good mask to hide behind...
"You don't have to ham it up with me Prongs... I might not be able to really... sympathise, but you know me... I'm not going to judge you... or laugh."
"Sirius would..."
"I'm not Sirius."
"Good point. It's just... I'm crap at this whole... talking thing. I don't know what to say."
"It's not usually that hard for you... but in this case I don't think there's a right or wrong to it, you know that? It's not a test. I think the point of talking is that you just say anything."
"I'm not a girl you know."
"Well you live in the boys dorm room... so I'd guessed that."
"You're not funny..."
"I wasn't trying to be. If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to... but you've come all the way back up here, so you might as well try."
"But I don't know what I want to say Moony, it's not that easy... it's just... there is this one thing." He paused, pulling his legs up so he could rest his feet flat on the floor, folding his arms and propping them up on his knees. "Just before she showed up... Snape said... well..."
"What did he say?"
"He said that... I should hit him... because Lily would never punish him. That she cared about him too much... and then she proved him right. She turned up. She took points off of Pads and me, and just let him get away with it." James' tone of voice was rather quiet as he spoke. It was strange hearing the usually arrogant boy being so earnest about something, but, Remus reflected, James had always been earnest about how much he liked Lily Evans, and now seemed to be no exception.
"James... I don't really know-" Remus was cut off however.
"I know there's nothing you can really say Moony, I mean... she did what she did... but I love her! I was really trying... really, really trying to be... what she wanted me to be... but I don't want to change, not really. I don't want to stop having fun, you know? Messing around with Sirius, Pete... and you, I know we tease you and give you hell over being such a goody two shoes, but that's who you are... but it's not... me. I guess I just really wish she could like me anyway..."
"I think she did James..."
"Then why break up with me?" James turned on the spot to peer up at his friend. "Why in front of the whole school? Shit Moony... I feel like someone's just pulled something out of me. It's awful... I've never felt anything like this... it's like being smacked in the stomach with a bludger followed by a bat to the head while your team mates try to shove the snitch down your throat... only worse. Ugh, I can't even describe it. I really didn't start it though, I don't care what anyone else thinks, that slimy little git just started spouting insults this time, about you... her... he called her, you know..." His words had fallen quite quiet.
"I know..."
"I couldn't just let him get away with it... but I don't think she even cares what the reasons were this time. Maybe he really was right. Maybe she really was just... playing me..."
"You don't really believe that." Remus' tone was slightly accusing as he spoke. "James you don't honestly believe Lily would do that, do you"?
"...No." James replied miserably after a moment. "But you know... it'd be easier if that was the damn reason... because then it wouldn't be my fault that something that really could have worked got so completely screwed up if was." His words trailed off with a small sigh. "I just wanted it to work. I suppose it's probably going to be easier if we're not together, I mean, I won't have to watch what I say around her any more, and I won't end up ditching you guys... I know Pete didn't like that. There are good points to it... I just... it's lame but I guess I just wanted someone to know what it really feels like. It's not easy trying to pretend it's not important."
"Why don't you just stop pretending then...?" It was easier said than done, Remus knew, trying to be something you weren't. They all had their secrets...
"Because I don't want her to know how much she hurt me." James stated, his voice taking on a stubborn note again. "She ended it. She made the decision, fine. But I don't want her to know it hurt me. I walked away with my head high, and I don't plan to let her know that it wasn't real." He fixed his eyes firmly on the floor. "Don't you dare tell anyone Moony. Okay? This is secret. This whole thing is between us. I don't want her to know, Pads to know, anyone. Just you and me... I don't want the rest of the school thinking I'm as much of a wet blanket as you are." He was threw a little grin his friends way as he said that however.
Remus for what it was worth simply rolled his eyes, a slightly uncomfortable sensation twisting his stomach. It was one thing, being the person who your friend chose to talk to, that he could handle... but being the only person who was ever allowed to know something? That was a little more responsibility than he was really willing to accept... however, when it came to the kind of friendship that their group had, when something like this came up you didn't really have that much of a choice. "Okay Prongs, no problem." He stated. "Now... you should really go, you're already late for practice, wouldn't want Sirius knowing you got your knickers all in a twist now, would you?" He was gratified to see his friend smile.
A small laugh even passed James's lips as he pushed himself up to his feet again. "True enough." He stated. "I'll catch you later Moony, thanks for the chat." With that he moved across the room to grab up his bag again, and turned to jog back down the stairs. It was good to have friends, he reflected, especially such different ones... he could go from talking quite seriously to Remus, to messing about on the Quidditch pitch with Sirius as if nothing had happened. It was most excellent.