Finally..
After two weeks of really trying, and then freaking out and failing I've managed to send an e-mail in to my department. I hope something comes of it, I'm feeling useless enough without having managed to e-mail the wrong person or something dumb like that.
It's weird.. this decision of mine makes me feel so stupid... but at the same time the notion of being able to just stop and take some time to clear my head, stop fake smiling, stop having to laugh or cry, stop just feeling that I'm never going to manage things as well as every one else... stop al that just for a couple of months and honestly get my head back together, that all feels pretty good. So yeah.. despite not liking the method... the hoped for result is a good one.
Man I hope I manage to get something sorted out...
This is.. it's just gotten to the point where everything I say sounds like I'm talking crap and making no sense... I know it does really, but I'm worried. I'm worried they'll not see why there have been so many issues for me, and I'm worried they'll just think I'm lying or something. I really don't want this to all turn to crap. I hate anxiety, it's absolutely rubbish. Still... gotta try or you'll never know I guess?
Edit::
My tutor from last year e-mailed me back pretty quickly, which was nice, and I'm meeting with him tomorrow so we can talk, here's to hoping I manage to explain everything... though this on my birthday? Awesome.......
It's weird.. this decision of mine makes me feel so stupid... but at the same time the notion of being able to just stop and take some time to clear my head, stop fake smiling, stop having to laugh or cry, stop just feeling that I'm never going to manage things as well as every one else... stop al that just for a couple of months and honestly get my head back together, that all feels pretty good. So yeah.. despite not liking the method... the hoped for result is a good one.
Man I hope I manage to get something sorted out...
This is.. it's just gotten to the point where everything I say sounds like I'm talking crap and making no sense... I know it does really, but I'm worried. I'm worried they'll not see why there have been so many issues for me, and I'm worried they'll just think I'm lying or something. I really don't want this to all turn to crap. I hate anxiety, it's absolutely rubbish. Still... gotta try or you'll never know I guess?
Edit::
My tutor from last year e-mailed me back pretty quickly, which was nice, and I'm meeting with him tomorrow so we can talk, here's to hoping I manage to explain everything... though this on my birthday? Awesome.......