Together We Will Live Forever
So, been a while since I've posted. I'd love to say life is that busy, but that would be such a baldfaced lie as to be believed by not even the most guilable of children. Hospital and doctors wise, oh yeah, far too much of that. Actual life, decidedly thin on the ground.
Having now acquired a new surgeon for my birthday, or actually an old one but this time it'll be on the NHS not privately, I will be adding ever more to my conquests in the surgical field. And as of friday, or I suppose more specifically the 28th of December, I will be acquiring a Neurologist. Because I can't stand up properly. Or sit. Or do much but hold my head and wait for the feeling to go away. My horizon is apparently no longer set to nice 180 degree line, its off at a 45 degree angle, and I keep getting migraines, and nauseated beyond belief with a feeling like a ice cold poker is being rammed up through the left side fo my head from under my jaw to through my skull. some days i cant move my head a cm away from the default or my vision blacks out, or i cant open my jaw or swallow for the same reason. On good days if i shake my head my vision goes grey for a few minutes. and then of course theres the blacking out and collapsing. And scaring the shit out of my family.
This is 'a cause for concern'. And so in the next couple weeks I get to have a brain MRI which will nicely complete my set-there will not be a part of my body that hasnt been MRI'd CAT scanned, Xrayed, ultrasounded or, in the case of a few parts, all of the above. Because thats what I need. although, I might have to acquire a disk of this set of scans and along with the others, print out slightly creepy morbid skeletal version of me. heh, halloween entertainment sorted then.
I can't tell if Im dealing with it incredibly well or not dealing at all. My brain sorta all I have left at the moment, and the threat, no matter how m inute that there is something wrong with it, something other than what my mediaction is doing to it(which is distressing enough believe me, its like juvenile dementia and I am, or was, a psychologist, I know the signs)is frightening in a way even my spinal cord problems are.Its so much harder to treat for one. Just another perfect week then.
Meh, I'm just feeling morbid because Ive been listening to maudlin music all day in preparation for The Reichenbach Fall. Tiny Martin Freeman in his epicness of GRIEF is likely to just cause me to weep like the neighbours kid. And I can happily blame all the tears on the death of Sherlock Holmes and none whatsoever on any worry or ailments. All to do with the almost painful beauty that is Benedict Cumberbatch and his Holmes and his death and Watson, oh Watson and nothing to do with being subconsciously angsty.
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to write it out. Get the feeling out of you and trap it to a page or a screen, where it can't get back to you. Or something. I don't know. SOmetimes, you say something and its untethered, its free and can move and it's free to return to you but you write it down and its stuck. yeah, I sound insane now so Im going to shut up and go away
Having now acquired a new surgeon for my birthday, or actually an old one but this time it'll be on the NHS not privately, I will be adding ever more to my conquests in the surgical field. And as of friday, or I suppose more specifically the 28th of December, I will be acquiring a Neurologist. Because I can't stand up properly. Or sit. Or do much but hold my head and wait for the feeling to go away. My horizon is apparently no longer set to nice 180 degree line, its off at a 45 degree angle, and I keep getting migraines, and nauseated beyond belief with a feeling like a ice cold poker is being rammed up through the left side fo my head from under my jaw to through my skull. some days i cant move my head a cm away from the default or my vision blacks out, or i cant open my jaw or swallow for the same reason. On good days if i shake my head my vision goes grey for a few minutes. and then of course theres the blacking out and collapsing. And scaring the shit out of my family.
This is 'a cause for concern'. And so in the next couple weeks I get to have a brain MRI which will nicely complete my set-there will not be a part of my body that hasnt been MRI'd CAT scanned, Xrayed, ultrasounded or, in the case of a few parts, all of the above. Because thats what I need. although, I might have to acquire a disk of this set of scans and along with the others, print out slightly creepy morbid skeletal version of me. heh, halloween entertainment sorted then.
I can't tell if Im dealing with it incredibly well or not dealing at all. My brain sorta all I have left at the moment, and the threat, no matter how m inute that there is something wrong with it, something other than what my mediaction is doing to it(which is distressing enough believe me, its like juvenile dementia and I am, or was, a psychologist, I know the signs)is frightening in a way even my spinal cord problems are.Its so much harder to treat for one. Just another perfect week then.
Meh, I'm just feeling morbid because Ive been listening to maudlin music all day in preparation for The Reichenbach Fall. Tiny Martin Freeman in his epicness of GRIEF is likely to just cause me to weep like the neighbours kid. And I can happily blame all the tears on the death of Sherlock Holmes and none whatsoever on any worry or ailments. All to do with the almost painful beauty that is Benedict Cumberbatch and his Holmes and his death and Watson, oh Watson and nothing to do with being subconsciously angsty.
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to write it out. Get the feeling out of you and trap it to a page or a screen, where it can't get back to you. Or something. I don't know. SOmetimes, you say something and its untethered, its free and can move and it's free to return to you but you write it down and its stuck. yeah, I sound insane now so Im going to shut up and go away