(no subject)
The names of the writers and artists who participated in harry_holidays have been revealed! I received 'Thought you could hide from me, filthy traitor?' from a_belladonna -- thank you so much, I love it! I admit I suspected it was you ;). Go take a look because it's great and practically canon.
And here is what I wrote for nassima:
Title: No Other Pair of Eyes
Rating: PG
Pairing/Characters: Remus/Sirius, Remus/Tonks, other characters
Summary: While walking around Hogsmeade one evening, Remus comes across a big, shaggy black dog and follows it into the Shrieking Shack. But what he finds inside is not a dog...anymore. Is he being deceived?
Author's Notes: Beta-read by wemyss and danijo1; thank you! nassima's requests were: Remus/Sirius, post-Azkaban -- Remus/Sirius --> Remus/Tonks --> Remus Sirius -- anything that brings back Black.
Remus Lupin had had the pleasure of watching countless sunsets in Hogsmeade, but each of them still held its own unique appeal. It wasn’t the fond memories that they brought back. It wasn’t the dreamy atmosphere, the peace and quiet that would have interested other men. For Remus, it was the beautiful colours that slowly tinted the sky, the dancing lights, the chilly breeze that descended upon the town and made him wish for a warm supper. Merlin knew the fond memories were nothing but painful for him these days, and while he appreciated the peace, he did not much care for the quiet.
His interest in walking around Hogsmeade seemed to fade along with the display of light and colour above. Now that it was dark, there was nothing to see except his footprints on the snow and the faint shadows of trees swaying to the will of the wind. His step fell into rhythm with the music of stirring leaves.
He didn’t wish to Apparate back to the Burrow just yet. Warmth, company and food awaited him there, but their temptation seemed weak for no reason. Perhaps it was the holiday season. Perhaps it was the inexplicable pull he was feeling towards the Shrieking Shack, a pull that was slowly but surely directing his steps to the old building.
He did not want to go in there, not really. The place held too many of those fond memories that only caused him pain, and he was desperate to avoid such feelings at the moment. Yet he kept walking uphill, feet sinking into the snow, slowing him down.
Something, a movement, caught his attention from the corner of his eye. He stopped and observed his surroundings carefully, but nothing happened and he dismissed as a trick of the twilight.
As soon as he had resumed his walk, the dark shadow flickered behind the trees once again, disappearing completely when Remus turned his head. It was nothing if not unusual, and most definitely not an illusion caused by the dimming lights and lengthening shadows.
Half-fearing it was his own mind that was starting to play tricks on him, Remus raised his feet to resume his walking and was distracted yet again by the eluding shadow. He was hesitant to turn his eyes towards it, but instinct got the better of him. He was not met only with snow and trees this time, however.
A huge, shaggy black dog was staring up at him from eager grey eyes barely thirty feet away from him, wagging its tail and pawing the floor eagerly.
He had lost it. He had finally lost it.
Remus wondered if hallucinations were supposed to look so corporeal, to leave prints on the snow and let out little puffs of steam when panting. He decided they couldn’t seem so real.
The dog moved its head in a gesture that was immediately understood by Remus, who followed the animal as it ran up the hill at full speed. He tried to keep up, but his body was not the same it had been ten years ago, and the thick snow kept pulling his feet down. Soon, the dog had disappeared once again, no trace of it or its prints.
With a sigh that was more of a desperate gasp to catch his breath, Remus slowed down until he came to a stop, bending over to place his hands on his legs and rest the weight of his upper body on them, his eyes closing with a will of their own.
He was no fool. The dog might be real enough, but it was most certainly not what it seemed, what Remus desperately wanted to believe it to be even though the rational part of his mind knew better. And yet he couldn’t help but wish he could reach out and touch it, pets its soft fur, play with it one more time.... No, not one more time. It was just a dog, nothing less, nothing more.
When something cold and wet nudged his hand, Remus’ eyes shot open and his body jerked upright. Big, grey eyes were looking up at him, a silent request written all over them, all over the soft, whining sound that reached Remus’ ears.
The dog ran uphill once again and, even as Remus followed, disappeared behind the Shrieking Shack. It was so familiar, so expected that it almost felt like a déjà vu. When he finally reached the Shack --minutes later, it seemed, but it had probably been just a few seconds-- he took a deep breath, strengthening his somewhat weakening resolve, and Apparated in.
The place looked just as it had the last time he had been there, but there was more dust on the floor, and a leak by a corner. The dripping of the water distracted him for a moment, and his mind wandered to years past. Happy memories of time spent with his friends flashed before his eyes slowly, a new one coming forwards in his mind with each drop that fell to the floor, adding to the small pool of water on it.
"Hello, Moony."
The greeting startled Remus and he jumped forwards, turning around. He was met by those grey eyes once again, but this time they were not looking up at him from amidst a tangle of black fur. A tall, familiar man stood in front of him, an expectant smile lighting up his sunken face.
Had someone been messing around with a time-travelling device and taken them all back to 1994?
"Long time no see, eh, Remus? I must say, you’re looking good. Better than me, that’s for sure." His eyes shone brighter then. "Oh, Remus, I can’t say how happy I am to be seeing you again.... It was the thought of you, you and Harry, that kept me going."
He started to take a step forwards, but stopped when Remus took one back.
"I suppose I have a lot to explain, don’t I?" Sirius’ smile seemed to falter for a moment. "Come, Remus, let’s go upstairs and sit down."
Remus watched as the other man crossed the room to the stairs, and willed his feet to follow. There was a lot to be explained, yes. Suspicion welled up in his stomach as a sudden thought crossed his mind, and his hand instinctively went into his pocket and took firm hold of his wand. These were times of war, after all, and all is fair in love and war.
Somehow, the last two words didn’t quite register in his brain.
Upstairs, Sirius--or whoever he was--was already seated on the bed. Remus chose to stay on his feet.
"You don’t seem very glad to see me back."
"Forgive me if I’m doubtful, Sirius," Remus replied. He was surprised to hear his own voice shaking.
"I know, I know. I promise I’ll be convincing enough," he said, lounging back on the bed in a characteristic gesture that Remus had seen countless times before. But his face darkened almost immediately. "How is Harry, Remus?"
Remus hesitated. It really felt like he was talking to Sirius, the man he loved and knew so well...but he had to be careful. He knew more than well the consequences of being too suspicious, but he also knew the consequences of being too trusting.
"He’s all right," he replied simply.
Sirius raised his eyebrows, encouraging him to speak further, but Remus stayed silent.
"I’m glad to know that," he said finally. Then he took a deep breath, as if preparing himself to go through some painful situation. "It was dark there, you know. Very dark. I heard voices, other people saying things, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying. I tried to walk to them, follow the sounds, but no matter how much I walked I never seemed to get closer to anyone or anything. It was all a big, dark void.
"And I was hurt. My chest hurt very badly.... I’m going to kill Bellatrix, I swear I will. But I wanted to see you first, Remus. This time, I wanted to come to you first. You and Harry." He frowned with worry. "Did he get hurt at the Department of Mysteries that night?"
"N-not really," Remus said automatically, his throat closing with countless feelings -- overwhelming fear, shocked wonder, repressed happiness. He felt he was being let in on a big secret.
Sirius nodded, and continued. "You were in my mind the whole time, you and him, your voices speaking louder than theirs, urging me to keep walking, keep looking. So I did, because I had lost you and Harry once and I was not going to lose you again."
His words stabbed at Remus’ heart -- or was it guilt? He had not gone looking. He had held Harry back, he had held himself back, convinced it was over, convinced Sirius was gone forever. Again. And he should have known better, because lightning can strike twice in the same place.
"I didn’t know what I was looking for," Sirius went on. "Maybe a way out, maybe someone else. Maybe you or Harry. I don’t know. But I’m so glad I kept looking, Remus. So glad.... They had all given up; I heard their sobs and wails around me, heard them despair, heard them call to me, telling me to give up in wordless whispers."
"When I finally found the way out, I found myself in another huge, dark place. But I knew it was a different place, I could feel it. No voices, no feeling of being trapped, no invisible bonds holding me back. I was finally free.
"So I Apparated here, hoping I wasn’t too far away." His face lit up a bit again as he stood up and spread his arms. "See? No splinching."
Remus couldn’t help but smile, a gesture that did not fade even as he realised he was being deceived by either a Death Eater or his own mind. He hated being deceived, but there was one thing he hated even more, and that was not seeing Sirius ever again.
Life took Sirius away from him once, and then returned him -- not quite safe, not quite sound, but it was more than Remus would have ever hoped for. Then life took Sirius from him once again, and why should he doubt he’d be returned to him just like the first time? He lost faith both times, but he never lost hope.
"I want to believe you," he said finally.
The words almost seemed to suck a bit of Sirius’ life away. "But you don’t."
"I don’t know."
"You can’t."
"I shouldn’t."
Almost as if gliding, Sirius closed the distance between then until their faces were mere inches apart. "I don’t want to lose you again, Remus," he said, echoing Remus’ own thoughts. "Let me show you."
Panic took over Remus’ body when Sirius’ face neared his own -- panic so cold his whole body froze, defenceless. And when their lips finally touched warmth spread over him, melting away the ice and the uncertainties.
This was no stranger. Remus might not have kissed a lot of people in his life, but he could definitely recognise Sirius’ kisses out of any others in the world. How many times had Sirius smiled into their kiss as he was doing now? Who else would softly run his fingers along Remus’ shoulders like that, just as Sirius used to do? Why had he ever doubted the true identity of the man in front of him, if from the very beginning he had acted just like Sirius, just as Remus remembered him?
An impossibly long minute went by before they finally pulled apart. Remus’ face tingled with emotion and excitement.
Once again he had been given another chance.
***
It had been ridiculous to think the Burrow would be quiet when he got back, that everyone would be sleeping, that he himself would be able to slip into bed unnoticed, eager for a new day to come so he could go and visit Sirius again.
"Remus!" Molly Weasley sprung forwards from a chair beside the window as soon as he had opened the door. "Are you all right? Where have you been, dear? You’re frozen! Here, come and sit next to the fire. I’ll make some tea. You aren’t hurt, are you?"
Remus sighed as he dropped onto the sofa in front of the hearth, murmuring reassurances and thank-yous. Molly hurried into the kitchen and he was left with four pairs of worried eyes looking questioningly at him -- Arthur, Bill, Kingsley and Tonks.
Tonks. One little thing he had "forgotten" to mention in his long conversation with Sirius.
Molly came back with the tea and he drank it gratefully, taking his time with each sip to avoid going into details in his explanation of how he had got lost in the forest and been delayed by a family of wild Bowtruckles.
When at last he found himself alone in his temporary bedroom, he was as exhausted as if he had been running all night. And he supposed he had, even if not literally. He was secretly grateful he was spending the holidays at the Burrow; telling a few meaningless lies, he decided, was preferable to having to face an interrogation in bed. At least here he slept alone.
But Remus Lupin didn’t always get what he wanted, and it seemed there would be a price for his newly found happiness.
"Remus?" a voice whispered when the door cracked open. Tonks’ bright-haired head poked in.
Remus, still bare-chested from having been halfway through getting changed, sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to him invitingly, hoping his invitation was going to be turned down.
Tonks stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, but she did not sit down. Remus’ body stiffened at the worry on her face.
"Tonks?" he prompted despite himself, catching his tongue before it slipped in the familiar ‘my love’ that had followed her name from his lips for the past few months.
It wasn’t that he didn’t love her anymore. How could such feelings disappear overnight? But there were different kinds of love. Remus supposed he had forgotten how all-consumingly his love for Sirius burnt, and now that he had been reminded of it, his feelings for Tonks paled in comparison. He clutched at them before they faded away completely.
"Remus," Tonks repeated. His name sounded like droplets of water when it came from her lips, nothing like the stream that poured out of Sirius’. "Are you all right?"
Remus cringed at the words, wondering how many times he’d have to hear them before he could finally lie down and get some rest.
Tonks must have noticed, because she quickly spoke again, not waiting for his answer. "Listen, Remus, I...." Taking a deep breath, she stepped forwards and sat down next to him, the mattress dipping as slightly as if she were a very small child. "It’s not that I don’t believe what you said downstairs."
There it was. Remus thought he ought to be worried, but he had seen it coming. He wondered how long it would be until he finally broke down and told her the truth, let out all the feelings he was holding right under his skin. He desperately wanted to share them with someone, to tell someone about what he had found that evening. Sirius had asked him not to say anything yet, but Remus knew it was best for everyone if he did, if the Order did something. He was just delaying doing something that Sirius had asked him not to do.
"I do believe you," Tonks said, pulling Remus’ thoughts back to the present. "But I feel there’s something more, something you’re not telling us. I know you, Remus, you’re hiding something."
He closed his eyes, trying to quieten the arguing voices in his head that were trying to decide whether to tell her everything or give her another outright lie.
"See? It’s written all over your face. What is bothering you, Remus?" He felt her hand cover his, and he looked at her. Her eyes were brighter than usual. "Please, my love, tell me what is wrong. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to, I swear. You know you can trust me. I love you, you know that, don’t you?"
"Yes." It was a mere breath, but it was the truth. She did love him. It had made him so happy once, but now it was only a burden, the burden of a choice that had to be made.
"And don’t you love me too?"
Her hand stiffened on his when he didn’t reply straight away. He told himself again that he did love her, that it might not be the strongest, most passionate love in the world, but that it was love nonetheless. And yet he could not bring himself to say it out loud. "You must promise," he said finally, "promise you won’t tell anyone."
"I promise," she assured him, and there was not a hint of hesitation in her voice.
"It’s Sirius."
Remus’ world stood still for a second, just a second, and then it shattered around him and Tonks jumped away from the bed as if the sheets were on fire. "Sirius."
"I’m so sorry." But it was a lie.
"Sirius," she repeated. "Of course."
"Of course?"
"I can’t believe...." A barely-concealed sob escaped her lips. "I can’t believe I was ever so naïve to think-- Because I knew, Remus. I knew."
"You...knew?" The more sense it seemed to make for Tonks, the less it made for him.
"How could I not? You kept going on and on about him.... Last year, when you didn’t want to be with me, it seemed each and every one of your excuses included the name ‘Sirius’. And there’s not one conversation we have that his name doesn’t come up in.
"I’ve been trying to ignore it," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper, eyes cast down. "Pretend it was just my imagination. But how can I, when you’re telling me straight in the face--"
"Tonks--"
"No." She raised a hand, but it was her suddenly hardened look that made Remus’ words die in his throat. "I don’t need any explanations. I’ve known all along, I was just...foolish enough to believe that you’d get over it. Foolish enough to think that maybe one day you’d touch me and not be thinking of him..." The last words were almost lost in a sob that tightened around Remus’ heart.
There were so many things he wanted to say, so many. No matter what she had said, she did need to hear some explanations. But all his thoughts whirled around in his head, none staying still long enough for him to be able to put it into words. She had got it all wrong, all wrong.... She didn’t understand what he had tried to tell her. And maybe it was better that way.
He had never lied to her about Sirius. But she had never asked, and so he had not said anything. If he was going to be honest with himself, he didn’t really want her to know. He wondered briefly if he had been so obvious that everyone knew, but decided that at this point he didn’t care anymore.
He still cared about Tonks, however. And even if his feelings for her were not as strong as he had believed them to be, he had loved her. He still loved her, and he would not have her think otherwise.
"It is not true," was all he managed to say, his mind drowning in visions of Tonks’ soft skin under his fingers, of her sweating body below him, her tightly closed eyes.
"Not-- How can you lie to me when you know I know?"
She made for the door, but Remus was quicker and jumped in front of her, blocking her way. "It was always you, always you." And before she had time to misinterpret his words, he explained, "I never thought of anyone else. Only you. Always. Because I love you."
He held her breath as she stared at him, eyes wide and wet, full of so many emotions that Remus could not decipher even one.
"You’re not lying. You’d better not be lying, Remus."
"I love you," he repeated, and felt the truth of it fill his heart.
Her lips were as soft and pliant as usual when they met his. Remus quickly pulled away when memories of another kiss earlier that night assaulted his exhausted mind. The truth of his own words--‘only you, always’--melted away in the warmth of chapped lips, the scraping of coarse hair against his chin.
Tonks looked at him, whether with realisation of what he was thinking or simply blissful ignorance, he couldn’t tell. "Do you still love him?"
"Yes." So very, very much.
"What about him delayed you tonight?"
Uh-oh. He had almost forgotten he had still to explain that part. Should he dismiss it with a harmless lie, or should he tell her the truth? The same desire to share his secret that had overcome him earlier was back, and he knew what he had to do. "He’s back."
Tonks stared at him, this time showing only bewilderment.
Remus wished he could take his words back. Damn his irrational emotions -- he should have chosen the lie. At least until the next morning, when he would hopefully have the strength--and, unlikely, the will--to tell her Sirius’ miraculous story and explain that the unexpected but most definitely welcome turn of events meant they should part and take different paths, for his own path was the one that led to Sirius, as it had always been.
He was almost thrown off balance when her arms wound around his neck and half her weight was thrown onto him. His own arms embraced her back automatically and held her as she shook uncontrollably, sobbing quietly into his shoulder.
"Oh, Remus."
He petted her hair, wondering whether he should whisper some reassuring nonsense. What could he tell her? She knew the news meant goodbye for them.
"How could I have not seen this..."
"No one could have, Tonks."
"What went wrong, Remus?"
"It’s not you. You know how much I care for you." She was bound to notice the absence of the word ‘love’, but he decided it was time to be completely honest for once. "But I’ve loved Sirius since we were children.... It’s better this way, you’ll see. You’ll find someone better for you--"
"Did...did Fenrir and his lot do something to you?" She pulled back, arms still holding him about the shoulders, and looked at him with such despair that Remus’ body stiffened in her embrace.
"What?"
"I-- I should have-- You’ve been acting so strange lately." She shook her head slowly as if in disbelief.
"What do you mean?"
"You’ve been quieter than usual, you’ve hardly eaten...." She looked down at his stomach, then back up into his eyes. "And you haven’t mentioned Sirius in a while."
"I was...I think I was starting to get over him," he explained. "It wasn’t the first time I lost him, as you know. And now, now I’m being given another chance. It’s all I’ve wanted--" He stopped himself, aware of what he had just revealed, but Tonks did not seem interested in his confession.
"You’ve seen him?"
"In the Shrieking Shack."
She sobbed again, and swallowed. "You talked to him?"
Remus nodded, hoping she wouldn’t ask him whether they had kissed, touched.
"I...I know you must be tired, Remus, but I think it’s best if I...if we go to Saint Mungo’s now. I’m sure they will be able to give you something that will stop these hallucinations--"
"What?" He took a step back, disentangling from her arms.
"It’ll be all right, Remus, you’ll see."
"No. No, Tonks, no." Why had he ever thought being honest was the best choice? Of course she wouldn’t believe him. He had hardly believed it himself, and he had seen Sirius with his own eyes, felt the reality of his return with all of his five senses. "Come with me, come with me to the Shack and I’ll show you, Tonks."
"Remus, I--"
"Fine," he interrupted her before she could refuse. "Let’s do this, then -- go to bed, and I’ll go to bed too, and we’ll talk about this in the morning."
"I’m not sure, Remus."
"Please. I’m really very tired at the moment."
She gave him an assessing look, quiet for a moment. "Very well," she replied finally. "But you must promise me you’ll come with me to Saint Mungo’s tomorrow morning."
Remus took a deep breath. "I promise. And you must promise me you’ll tell no one else about this."
It took her longer to agree, but she did. "I promise."
When she came back to his room the following morning, she would find it empty, the bed untouched.
***
"What do you mean, you told my cousin?"
"She already suspected something was going on, Sirius--"
"Didn’t I ask you not to tell anyone?"
Remus watched in silence as Sirius’ wide eyes slowly went back to normal size and his body relaxed. When he next spoke, it was in a calm, almost drained voice.
"I’m sorry, Remus. It’s just...I don’t want to ruin this, that’s all."
"You’re no longer a fugitive."
"I know, I know," Sirius said, throwing his arms up. "But I am a man who is believed dead."
He had a point, Remus admitted to himself. "I don’t want to ruin this, either."
"Don’t worry, mate. All’s well that ends well. You say she didn’t believe you, anyway?"
"No." A grin appeared on Remus’ face, but it faded away as soon as the details of his conversation with Tonks mere minutes before came back to his mind.
Sirius’ face mirrored his. "What is it?"
"Nothing," he lied automatically.
"Remus, I’ve known you since you were eleven, I can tell when something is bothering you."
"It’s nothing, really--"
"Is it me?" Sirius interrupted. "You think you’re going to have to go through a lot of trouble now that I am back and hiding again. It’s that, isn’t it?"
"Sirius, no amount of trouble is a lot if it means I have you back with me." But again, he was not being entirely honest.
"Is it someone else, then?"
Remus opened his mouth to deny it, to say that Sirius had always been overly possessive and unnecessarily jealous, but the lie did not come quickly enough this time. Sirius closed his eyes and nodded slowly.
***
"Harry, can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Sure."
Remus led the boy upstairs to his own room, making sure Tonks was nowhere in sight. He had managed to put off the visit to Saint Mungo’s by assuring her that he would go most willingly if she ever noticed he was having delusions again. He supposed letting her hear what he was about to tell Harry was not a very good idea.
Harry waited silently for Remus to speak. It was not easy to decide where to start, or how to start, so Remus decided to be blunt.
"It’s about Sirius." Harry’s face changed at this, and Remus knew he had his full attention. "Do you...do you believe he’s gone forever, Harry?"
Now he looked confused, but he replied in a quiet voice. "I don’t know." At Remus’ silence, he continued, "I heard voices coming from the veil. I know people are trapped there, but...."
"Would you believe it if I told you it is possible for them to come back, but they just don’t know it?"
Harry’s eyes went impossibly wide and his breathing quickened. "What--how can we do that?"
"I believe we can’t," Remus replied, frowning, and immediately explained, "but they can."
Their gazed locked and they stared into each other’s eyes, Remus appraising Harry’s reaction, Harry most likely waiting for further information.
Taking a deep breath, Remus carried out Sirius’ request to tell just one person, the other most important person in Sirius’ life. "Sirius is back, Harry." To tell, and to show.
***
When he Apparated into the Shrieking Shack with Harry, the ground floor appeared to be deserted.
"Sirius?" Remus called out. "Sirius, Harry is here!"
Harry waited before him, body rigid, face so pale Remus feared he would faint.
"He must be upstairs," Remus said, already going up. Harry followed in silence.
The door to the room upstairs complained loudly when he pushed it open. Dust floated in the air, made visible by the horizontal rays of sunset light that seeped in through the cracks of the wooden walls. The bed was disarrayed and just as filthy as the rest of the place. As filthy and as empty.
"Remus?" Harry whispered behind him.
Remus’ heart pounded fiercely inside his chest, deafening; his vision clouded. "I swear he was here, Harry. I swear."
***
His lungs hurt each time he breathed in the piercingly cold air, the forest was too dark for the feeble light of his Lumos charm, yet Remus kept running, kept looking, kept calling out for Sirius.
He finally came to a stop in a clearing, his hopes sinking and resurfacing with each heart of his accelerated heart. How could he have let his mind deceive him so? But it couldn’t be, it had to be true, it just had to....
Maybe he should go back to the Burrow. And maybe he should stop by the Shack one last time on his way there, just to make sure.
***
"Hunting?"
"What am I supposed to eat, Remus? It’s not as if you’ve brought me any food from the Weasleys’, is it?"
Remus shook his head and stepped forward so that their bodies were touching. Sirius’ arms slid around him, supporting the weight of his exhausted body. "I know. I’m sorry."
"Don’t be." Sirius voice was soothing, a caress on his ears mirrored by his hands on Remus’ back. "I am the one who is sorry. Sorry that I went away just when you brought Harry. I thought it’d take you longer."
"I suppose I couldn’t wait," Remus replied, smiling into Sirius’ shoulder. "Why don’t we go upstairs and--"
The peace of the moment was interrupted by four loud cracks that made Remus jump almost out of his skin. Sirius grabbed his hand as Harry, Tonks, Mr Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebolt Apparated into the Shack. Tonks’ eyes were full of tears, and Kingsley was coiling something around his hand that looked suspiciously like Extendable Ears.
"Remus," Mr Weasley said. He looked apologetic.
"Please, please don’t tell anyone," Remus asked. He was surprised at the desperation in his voice. "I don’t want to get Sirius into any sort of trouble."
Tonks sobbed loudly and then bit on her fist, turning around. Mr Weasley put an arm on her shoulder and Kingsley made a grimace. Harry remained static, his expression void.
"Promise me you’re not going to tell anyone about this," Remus asked again. He turned to Sirius. "Tell them. Tell them how it was, Sirius."
"Remus," Kingsley interrupted, more softly than Remus had ever heard him. "There’s no one there."
There was a pause then. Everyone was silent, holding their breaths. The air seemed to get thicker, more oppressing.
"What?" Remus shouted. "No!"
"It’s true--"
"Do you not see him?" He placed both hands on Sirius’ arm, which felt more real than anything else in the room. "Can you not hear him? Sirius, say something!"
Sirius looked shocked himself. "Do you think...do you think they really can’t see me, Remus? Maybe you are the only one that can see me and hear me...."
"Yes, that must be it!" He turned to the others, fearing he might explode with excitement. He was not delirious, it was just some sort of magic unknown to him that prevented everyone else from feeling Sirius’ presence in any way. "It must be--"
"Remus, there really isn’t anyone--"
"No, listen! You can’t see him or hear him. I don’t know why, but I’m the only one who can." He turned to Sirius once more, hands gesticulating wildly. "I will find a way to make you visible to everyone else, Sirius."
"There is no one there, Remus."
"You think you’ll be able to? I want them to see me."
"Remus..."
Now the room was full of sound -- two, three, four voices talking at the same time, drowning Tonks’ loud sobs. Harry was the only quiet one.
"You see him, Harry, don’t you?"
Once more everyone went silent, holding their breaths expectantly.
Harry’s eyes moved from Remus to Sirius before closing. "There is no one there, Remus."
***
"He’s doing much better."
"Will he ever--"
"I can’t say for sure, but it’s probable. He seems on the way to a full recovery."
"How long?"
"Impossible to tell."
"But will it be a few weeks, or more like years?"
"I am afraid I cannot--"
"Please, just an approximation. I won’t hold you to it."
"Well, if he continues this way, I doubt we will have to keep him here further than next year."
"That’s a long time."
"We have to make sure, you understand...."
Remus lay back on the bed and closed his eyes as the voiced outside the room faded away. Next year was far away. He couldn’t wait to get out of there and stop acting as if Sirius wasn’t alive. Only a few months and then he’d be free to go back to Sirius. He was going to find the way to make others see him, and then everything would be just like it had to be. They’d be together again, this time forever.
And here is what I wrote for nassima:
Title: No Other Pair of Eyes
Rating: PG
Pairing/Characters: Remus/Sirius, Remus/Tonks, other characters
Summary: While walking around Hogsmeade one evening, Remus comes across a big, shaggy black dog and follows it into the Shrieking Shack. But what he finds inside is not a dog...anymore. Is he being deceived?
Author's Notes: Beta-read by wemyss and danijo1; thank you! nassima's requests were: Remus/Sirius, post-Azkaban -- Remus/Sirius --> Remus/Tonks --> Remus Sirius -- anything that brings back Black.
Remus Lupin had had the pleasure of watching countless sunsets in Hogsmeade, but each of them still held its own unique appeal. It wasn’t the fond memories that they brought back. It wasn’t the dreamy atmosphere, the peace and quiet that would have interested other men. For Remus, it was the beautiful colours that slowly tinted the sky, the dancing lights, the chilly breeze that descended upon the town and made him wish for a warm supper. Merlin knew the fond memories were nothing but painful for him these days, and while he appreciated the peace, he did not much care for the quiet.
His interest in walking around Hogsmeade seemed to fade along with the display of light and colour above. Now that it was dark, there was nothing to see except his footprints on the snow and the faint shadows of trees swaying to the will of the wind. His step fell into rhythm with the music of stirring leaves.
He didn’t wish to Apparate back to the Burrow just yet. Warmth, company and food awaited him there, but their temptation seemed weak for no reason. Perhaps it was the holiday season. Perhaps it was the inexplicable pull he was feeling towards the Shrieking Shack, a pull that was slowly but surely directing his steps to the old building.
He did not want to go in there, not really. The place held too many of those fond memories that only caused him pain, and he was desperate to avoid such feelings at the moment. Yet he kept walking uphill, feet sinking into the snow, slowing him down.
Something, a movement, caught his attention from the corner of his eye. He stopped and observed his surroundings carefully, but nothing happened and he dismissed as a trick of the twilight.
As soon as he had resumed his walk, the dark shadow flickered behind the trees once again, disappearing completely when Remus turned his head. It was nothing if not unusual, and most definitely not an illusion caused by the dimming lights and lengthening shadows.
Half-fearing it was his own mind that was starting to play tricks on him, Remus raised his feet to resume his walking and was distracted yet again by the eluding shadow. He was hesitant to turn his eyes towards it, but instinct got the better of him. He was not met only with snow and trees this time, however.
A huge, shaggy black dog was staring up at him from eager grey eyes barely thirty feet away from him, wagging its tail and pawing the floor eagerly.
He had lost it. He had finally lost it.
Remus wondered if hallucinations were supposed to look so corporeal, to leave prints on the snow and let out little puffs of steam when panting. He decided they couldn’t seem so real.
The dog moved its head in a gesture that was immediately understood by Remus, who followed the animal as it ran up the hill at full speed. He tried to keep up, but his body was not the same it had been ten years ago, and the thick snow kept pulling his feet down. Soon, the dog had disappeared once again, no trace of it or its prints.
With a sigh that was more of a desperate gasp to catch his breath, Remus slowed down until he came to a stop, bending over to place his hands on his legs and rest the weight of his upper body on them, his eyes closing with a will of their own.
He was no fool. The dog might be real enough, but it was most certainly not what it seemed, what Remus desperately wanted to believe it to be even though the rational part of his mind knew better. And yet he couldn’t help but wish he could reach out and touch it, pets its soft fur, play with it one more time.... No, not one more time. It was just a dog, nothing less, nothing more.
When something cold and wet nudged his hand, Remus’ eyes shot open and his body jerked upright. Big, grey eyes were looking up at him, a silent request written all over them, all over the soft, whining sound that reached Remus’ ears.
The dog ran uphill once again and, even as Remus followed, disappeared behind the Shrieking Shack. It was so familiar, so expected that it almost felt like a déjà vu. When he finally reached the Shack --minutes later, it seemed, but it had probably been just a few seconds-- he took a deep breath, strengthening his somewhat weakening resolve, and Apparated in.
The place looked just as it had the last time he had been there, but there was more dust on the floor, and a leak by a corner. The dripping of the water distracted him for a moment, and his mind wandered to years past. Happy memories of time spent with his friends flashed before his eyes slowly, a new one coming forwards in his mind with each drop that fell to the floor, adding to the small pool of water on it.
"Hello, Moony."
The greeting startled Remus and he jumped forwards, turning around. He was met by those grey eyes once again, but this time they were not looking up at him from amidst a tangle of black fur. A tall, familiar man stood in front of him, an expectant smile lighting up his sunken face.
Had someone been messing around with a time-travelling device and taken them all back to 1994?
"Long time no see, eh, Remus? I must say, you’re looking good. Better than me, that’s for sure." His eyes shone brighter then. "Oh, Remus, I can’t say how happy I am to be seeing you again.... It was the thought of you, you and Harry, that kept me going."
He started to take a step forwards, but stopped when Remus took one back.
"I suppose I have a lot to explain, don’t I?" Sirius’ smile seemed to falter for a moment. "Come, Remus, let’s go upstairs and sit down."
Remus watched as the other man crossed the room to the stairs, and willed his feet to follow. There was a lot to be explained, yes. Suspicion welled up in his stomach as a sudden thought crossed his mind, and his hand instinctively went into his pocket and took firm hold of his wand. These were times of war, after all, and all is fair in love and war.
Somehow, the last two words didn’t quite register in his brain.
Upstairs, Sirius--or whoever he was--was already seated on the bed. Remus chose to stay on his feet.
"You don’t seem very glad to see me back."
"Forgive me if I’m doubtful, Sirius," Remus replied. He was surprised to hear his own voice shaking.
"I know, I know. I promise I’ll be convincing enough," he said, lounging back on the bed in a characteristic gesture that Remus had seen countless times before. But his face darkened almost immediately. "How is Harry, Remus?"
Remus hesitated. It really felt like he was talking to Sirius, the man he loved and knew so well...but he had to be careful. He knew more than well the consequences of being too suspicious, but he also knew the consequences of being too trusting.
"He’s all right," he replied simply.
Sirius raised his eyebrows, encouraging him to speak further, but Remus stayed silent.
"I’m glad to know that," he said finally. Then he took a deep breath, as if preparing himself to go through some painful situation. "It was dark there, you know. Very dark. I heard voices, other people saying things, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying. I tried to walk to them, follow the sounds, but no matter how much I walked I never seemed to get closer to anyone or anything. It was all a big, dark void.
"And I was hurt. My chest hurt very badly.... I’m going to kill Bellatrix, I swear I will. But I wanted to see you first, Remus. This time, I wanted to come to you first. You and Harry." He frowned with worry. "Did he get hurt at the Department of Mysteries that night?"
"N-not really," Remus said automatically, his throat closing with countless feelings -- overwhelming fear, shocked wonder, repressed happiness. He felt he was being let in on a big secret.
Sirius nodded, and continued. "You were in my mind the whole time, you and him, your voices speaking louder than theirs, urging me to keep walking, keep looking. So I did, because I had lost you and Harry once and I was not going to lose you again."
His words stabbed at Remus’ heart -- or was it guilt? He had not gone looking. He had held Harry back, he had held himself back, convinced it was over, convinced Sirius was gone forever. Again. And he should have known better, because lightning can strike twice in the same place.
"I didn’t know what I was looking for," Sirius went on. "Maybe a way out, maybe someone else. Maybe you or Harry. I don’t know. But I’m so glad I kept looking, Remus. So glad.... They had all given up; I heard their sobs and wails around me, heard them despair, heard them call to me, telling me to give up in wordless whispers."
"When I finally found the way out, I found myself in another huge, dark place. But I knew it was a different place, I could feel it. No voices, no feeling of being trapped, no invisible bonds holding me back. I was finally free.
"So I Apparated here, hoping I wasn’t too far away." His face lit up a bit again as he stood up and spread his arms. "See? No splinching."
Remus couldn’t help but smile, a gesture that did not fade even as he realised he was being deceived by either a Death Eater or his own mind. He hated being deceived, but there was one thing he hated even more, and that was not seeing Sirius ever again.
Life took Sirius away from him once, and then returned him -- not quite safe, not quite sound, but it was more than Remus would have ever hoped for. Then life took Sirius from him once again, and why should he doubt he’d be returned to him just like the first time? He lost faith both times, but he never lost hope.
"I want to believe you," he said finally.
The words almost seemed to suck a bit of Sirius’ life away. "But you don’t."
"I don’t know."
"You can’t."
"I shouldn’t."
Almost as if gliding, Sirius closed the distance between then until their faces were mere inches apart. "I don’t want to lose you again, Remus," he said, echoing Remus’ own thoughts. "Let me show you."
Panic took over Remus’ body when Sirius’ face neared his own -- panic so cold his whole body froze, defenceless. And when their lips finally touched warmth spread over him, melting away the ice and the uncertainties.
This was no stranger. Remus might not have kissed a lot of people in his life, but he could definitely recognise Sirius’ kisses out of any others in the world. How many times had Sirius smiled into their kiss as he was doing now? Who else would softly run his fingers along Remus’ shoulders like that, just as Sirius used to do? Why had he ever doubted the true identity of the man in front of him, if from the very beginning he had acted just like Sirius, just as Remus remembered him?
An impossibly long minute went by before they finally pulled apart. Remus’ face tingled with emotion and excitement.
Once again he had been given another chance.
***
It had been ridiculous to think the Burrow would be quiet when he got back, that everyone would be sleeping, that he himself would be able to slip into bed unnoticed, eager for a new day to come so he could go and visit Sirius again.
"Remus!" Molly Weasley sprung forwards from a chair beside the window as soon as he had opened the door. "Are you all right? Where have you been, dear? You’re frozen! Here, come and sit next to the fire. I’ll make some tea. You aren’t hurt, are you?"
Remus sighed as he dropped onto the sofa in front of the hearth, murmuring reassurances and thank-yous. Molly hurried into the kitchen and he was left with four pairs of worried eyes looking questioningly at him -- Arthur, Bill, Kingsley and Tonks.
Tonks. One little thing he had "forgotten" to mention in his long conversation with Sirius.
Molly came back with the tea and he drank it gratefully, taking his time with each sip to avoid going into details in his explanation of how he had got lost in the forest and been delayed by a family of wild Bowtruckles.
When at last he found himself alone in his temporary bedroom, he was as exhausted as if he had been running all night. And he supposed he had, even if not literally. He was secretly grateful he was spending the holidays at the Burrow; telling a few meaningless lies, he decided, was preferable to having to face an interrogation in bed. At least here he slept alone.
But Remus Lupin didn’t always get what he wanted, and it seemed there would be a price for his newly found happiness.
"Remus?" a voice whispered when the door cracked open. Tonks’ bright-haired head poked in.
Remus, still bare-chested from having been halfway through getting changed, sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to him invitingly, hoping his invitation was going to be turned down.
Tonks stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, but she did not sit down. Remus’ body stiffened at the worry on her face.
"Tonks?" he prompted despite himself, catching his tongue before it slipped in the familiar ‘my love’ that had followed her name from his lips for the past few months.
It wasn’t that he didn’t love her anymore. How could such feelings disappear overnight? But there were different kinds of love. Remus supposed he had forgotten how all-consumingly his love for Sirius burnt, and now that he had been reminded of it, his feelings for Tonks paled in comparison. He clutched at them before they faded away completely.
"Remus," Tonks repeated. His name sounded like droplets of water when it came from her lips, nothing like the stream that poured out of Sirius’. "Are you all right?"
Remus cringed at the words, wondering how many times he’d have to hear them before he could finally lie down and get some rest.
Tonks must have noticed, because she quickly spoke again, not waiting for his answer. "Listen, Remus, I...." Taking a deep breath, she stepped forwards and sat down next to him, the mattress dipping as slightly as if she were a very small child. "It’s not that I don’t believe what you said downstairs."
There it was. Remus thought he ought to be worried, but he had seen it coming. He wondered how long it would be until he finally broke down and told her the truth, let out all the feelings he was holding right under his skin. He desperately wanted to share them with someone, to tell someone about what he had found that evening. Sirius had asked him not to say anything yet, but Remus knew it was best for everyone if he did, if the Order did something. He was just delaying doing something that Sirius had asked him not to do.
"I do believe you," Tonks said, pulling Remus’ thoughts back to the present. "But I feel there’s something more, something you’re not telling us. I know you, Remus, you’re hiding something."
He closed his eyes, trying to quieten the arguing voices in his head that were trying to decide whether to tell her everything or give her another outright lie.
"See? It’s written all over your face. What is bothering you, Remus?" He felt her hand cover his, and he looked at her. Her eyes were brighter than usual. "Please, my love, tell me what is wrong. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to, I swear. You know you can trust me. I love you, you know that, don’t you?"
"Yes." It was a mere breath, but it was the truth. She did love him. It had made him so happy once, but now it was only a burden, the burden of a choice that had to be made.
"And don’t you love me too?"
Her hand stiffened on his when he didn’t reply straight away. He told himself again that he did love her, that it might not be the strongest, most passionate love in the world, but that it was love nonetheless. And yet he could not bring himself to say it out loud. "You must promise," he said finally, "promise you won’t tell anyone."
"I promise," she assured him, and there was not a hint of hesitation in her voice.
"It’s Sirius."
Remus’ world stood still for a second, just a second, and then it shattered around him and Tonks jumped away from the bed as if the sheets were on fire. "Sirius."
"I’m so sorry." But it was a lie.
"Sirius," she repeated. "Of course."
"Of course?"
"I can’t believe...." A barely-concealed sob escaped her lips. "I can’t believe I was ever so naïve to think-- Because I knew, Remus. I knew."
"You...knew?" The more sense it seemed to make for Tonks, the less it made for him.
"How could I not? You kept going on and on about him.... Last year, when you didn’t want to be with me, it seemed each and every one of your excuses included the name ‘Sirius’. And there’s not one conversation we have that his name doesn’t come up in.
"I’ve been trying to ignore it," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper, eyes cast down. "Pretend it was just my imagination. But how can I, when you’re telling me straight in the face--"
"Tonks--"
"No." She raised a hand, but it was her suddenly hardened look that made Remus’ words die in his throat. "I don’t need any explanations. I’ve known all along, I was just...foolish enough to believe that you’d get over it. Foolish enough to think that maybe one day you’d touch me and not be thinking of him..." The last words were almost lost in a sob that tightened around Remus’ heart.
There were so many things he wanted to say, so many. No matter what she had said, she did need to hear some explanations. But all his thoughts whirled around in his head, none staying still long enough for him to be able to put it into words. She had got it all wrong, all wrong.... She didn’t understand what he had tried to tell her. And maybe it was better that way.
He had never lied to her about Sirius. But she had never asked, and so he had not said anything. If he was going to be honest with himself, he didn’t really want her to know. He wondered briefly if he had been so obvious that everyone knew, but decided that at this point he didn’t care anymore.
He still cared about Tonks, however. And even if his feelings for her were not as strong as he had believed them to be, he had loved her. He still loved her, and he would not have her think otherwise.
"It is not true," was all he managed to say, his mind drowning in visions of Tonks’ soft skin under his fingers, of her sweating body below him, her tightly closed eyes.
"Not-- How can you lie to me when you know I know?"
She made for the door, but Remus was quicker and jumped in front of her, blocking her way. "It was always you, always you." And before she had time to misinterpret his words, he explained, "I never thought of anyone else. Only you. Always. Because I love you."
He held her breath as she stared at him, eyes wide and wet, full of so many emotions that Remus could not decipher even one.
"You’re not lying. You’d better not be lying, Remus."
"I love you," he repeated, and felt the truth of it fill his heart.
Her lips were as soft and pliant as usual when they met his. Remus quickly pulled away when memories of another kiss earlier that night assaulted his exhausted mind. The truth of his own words--‘only you, always’--melted away in the warmth of chapped lips, the scraping of coarse hair against his chin.
Tonks looked at him, whether with realisation of what he was thinking or simply blissful ignorance, he couldn’t tell. "Do you still love him?"
"Yes." So very, very much.
"What about him delayed you tonight?"
Uh-oh. He had almost forgotten he had still to explain that part. Should he dismiss it with a harmless lie, or should he tell her the truth? The same desire to share his secret that had overcome him earlier was back, and he knew what he had to do. "He’s back."
Tonks stared at him, this time showing only bewilderment.
Remus wished he could take his words back. Damn his irrational emotions -- he should have chosen the lie. At least until the next morning, when he would hopefully have the strength--and, unlikely, the will--to tell her Sirius’ miraculous story and explain that the unexpected but most definitely welcome turn of events meant they should part and take different paths, for his own path was the one that led to Sirius, as it had always been.
He was almost thrown off balance when her arms wound around his neck and half her weight was thrown onto him. His own arms embraced her back automatically and held her as she shook uncontrollably, sobbing quietly into his shoulder.
"Oh, Remus."
He petted her hair, wondering whether he should whisper some reassuring nonsense. What could he tell her? She knew the news meant goodbye for them.
"How could I have not seen this..."
"No one could have, Tonks."
"What went wrong, Remus?"
"It’s not you. You know how much I care for you." She was bound to notice the absence of the word ‘love’, but he decided it was time to be completely honest for once. "But I’ve loved Sirius since we were children.... It’s better this way, you’ll see. You’ll find someone better for you--"
"Did...did Fenrir and his lot do something to you?" She pulled back, arms still holding him about the shoulders, and looked at him with such despair that Remus’ body stiffened in her embrace.
"What?"
"I-- I should have-- You’ve been acting so strange lately." She shook her head slowly as if in disbelief.
"What do you mean?"
"You’ve been quieter than usual, you’ve hardly eaten...." She looked down at his stomach, then back up into his eyes. "And you haven’t mentioned Sirius in a while."
"I was...I think I was starting to get over him," he explained. "It wasn’t the first time I lost him, as you know. And now, now I’m being given another chance. It’s all I’ve wanted--" He stopped himself, aware of what he had just revealed, but Tonks did not seem interested in his confession.
"You’ve seen him?"
"In the Shrieking Shack."
She sobbed again, and swallowed. "You talked to him?"
Remus nodded, hoping she wouldn’t ask him whether they had kissed, touched.
"I...I know you must be tired, Remus, but I think it’s best if I...if we go to Saint Mungo’s now. I’m sure they will be able to give you something that will stop these hallucinations--"
"What?" He took a step back, disentangling from her arms.
"It’ll be all right, Remus, you’ll see."
"No. No, Tonks, no." Why had he ever thought being honest was the best choice? Of course she wouldn’t believe him. He had hardly believed it himself, and he had seen Sirius with his own eyes, felt the reality of his return with all of his five senses. "Come with me, come with me to the Shack and I’ll show you, Tonks."
"Remus, I--"
"Fine," he interrupted her before she could refuse. "Let’s do this, then -- go to bed, and I’ll go to bed too, and we’ll talk about this in the morning."
"I’m not sure, Remus."
"Please. I’m really very tired at the moment."
She gave him an assessing look, quiet for a moment. "Very well," she replied finally. "But you must promise me you’ll come with me to Saint Mungo’s tomorrow morning."
Remus took a deep breath. "I promise. And you must promise me you’ll tell no one else about this."
It took her longer to agree, but she did. "I promise."
When she came back to his room the following morning, she would find it empty, the bed untouched.
***
"What do you mean, you told my cousin?"
"She already suspected something was going on, Sirius--"
"Didn’t I ask you not to tell anyone?"
Remus watched in silence as Sirius’ wide eyes slowly went back to normal size and his body relaxed. When he next spoke, it was in a calm, almost drained voice.
"I’m sorry, Remus. It’s just...I don’t want to ruin this, that’s all."
"You’re no longer a fugitive."
"I know, I know," Sirius said, throwing his arms up. "But I am a man who is believed dead."
He had a point, Remus admitted to himself. "I don’t want to ruin this, either."
"Don’t worry, mate. All’s well that ends well. You say she didn’t believe you, anyway?"
"No." A grin appeared on Remus’ face, but it faded away as soon as the details of his conversation with Tonks mere minutes before came back to his mind.
Sirius’ face mirrored his. "What is it?"
"Nothing," he lied automatically.
"Remus, I’ve known you since you were eleven, I can tell when something is bothering you."
"It’s nothing, really--"
"Is it me?" Sirius interrupted. "You think you’re going to have to go through a lot of trouble now that I am back and hiding again. It’s that, isn’t it?"
"Sirius, no amount of trouble is a lot if it means I have you back with me." But again, he was not being entirely honest.
"Is it someone else, then?"
Remus opened his mouth to deny it, to say that Sirius had always been overly possessive and unnecessarily jealous, but the lie did not come quickly enough this time. Sirius closed his eyes and nodded slowly.
***
"Harry, can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Sure."
Remus led the boy upstairs to his own room, making sure Tonks was nowhere in sight. He had managed to put off the visit to Saint Mungo’s by assuring her that he would go most willingly if she ever noticed he was having delusions again. He supposed letting her hear what he was about to tell Harry was not a very good idea.
Harry waited silently for Remus to speak. It was not easy to decide where to start, or how to start, so Remus decided to be blunt.
"It’s about Sirius." Harry’s face changed at this, and Remus knew he had his full attention. "Do you...do you believe he’s gone forever, Harry?"
Now he looked confused, but he replied in a quiet voice. "I don’t know." At Remus’ silence, he continued, "I heard voices coming from the veil. I know people are trapped there, but...."
"Would you believe it if I told you it is possible for them to come back, but they just don’t know it?"
Harry’s eyes went impossibly wide and his breathing quickened. "What--how can we do that?"
"I believe we can’t," Remus replied, frowning, and immediately explained, "but they can."
Their gazed locked and they stared into each other’s eyes, Remus appraising Harry’s reaction, Harry most likely waiting for further information.
Taking a deep breath, Remus carried out Sirius’ request to tell just one person, the other most important person in Sirius’ life. "Sirius is back, Harry." To tell, and to show.
***
When he Apparated into the Shrieking Shack with Harry, the ground floor appeared to be deserted.
"Sirius?" Remus called out. "Sirius, Harry is here!"
Harry waited before him, body rigid, face so pale Remus feared he would faint.
"He must be upstairs," Remus said, already going up. Harry followed in silence.
The door to the room upstairs complained loudly when he pushed it open. Dust floated in the air, made visible by the horizontal rays of sunset light that seeped in through the cracks of the wooden walls. The bed was disarrayed and just as filthy as the rest of the place. As filthy and as empty.
"Remus?" Harry whispered behind him.
Remus’ heart pounded fiercely inside his chest, deafening; his vision clouded. "I swear he was here, Harry. I swear."
***
His lungs hurt each time he breathed in the piercingly cold air, the forest was too dark for the feeble light of his Lumos charm, yet Remus kept running, kept looking, kept calling out for Sirius.
He finally came to a stop in a clearing, his hopes sinking and resurfacing with each heart of his accelerated heart. How could he have let his mind deceive him so? But it couldn’t be, it had to be true, it just had to....
Maybe he should go back to the Burrow. And maybe he should stop by the Shack one last time on his way there, just to make sure.
***
"Hunting?"
"What am I supposed to eat, Remus? It’s not as if you’ve brought me any food from the Weasleys’, is it?"
Remus shook his head and stepped forward so that their bodies were touching. Sirius’ arms slid around him, supporting the weight of his exhausted body. "I know. I’m sorry."
"Don’t be." Sirius voice was soothing, a caress on his ears mirrored by his hands on Remus’ back. "I am the one who is sorry. Sorry that I went away just when you brought Harry. I thought it’d take you longer."
"I suppose I couldn’t wait," Remus replied, smiling into Sirius’ shoulder. "Why don’t we go upstairs and--"
The peace of the moment was interrupted by four loud cracks that made Remus jump almost out of his skin. Sirius grabbed his hand as Harry, Tonks, Mr Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebolt Apparated into the Shack. Tonks’ eyes were full of tears, and Kingsley was coiling something around his hand that looked suspiciously like Extendable Ears.
"Remus," Mr Weasley said. He looked apologetic.
"Please, please don’t tell anyone," Remus asked. He was surprised at the desperation in his voice. "I don’t want to get Sirius into any sort of trouble."
Tonks sobbed loudly and then bit on her fist, turning around. Mr Weasley put an arm on her shoulder and Kingsley made a grimace. Harry remained static, his expression void.
"Promise me you’re not going to tell anyone about this," Remus asked again. He turned to Sirius. "Tell them. Tell them how it was, Sirius."
"Remus," Kingsley interrupted, more softly than Remus had ever heard him. "There’s no one there."
There was a pause then. Everyone was silent, holding their breaths. The air seemed to get thicker, more oppressing.
"What?" Remus shouted. "No!"
"It’s true--"
"Do you not see him?" He placed both hands on Sirius’ arm, which felt more real than anything else in the room. "Can you not hear him? Sirius, say something!"
Sirius looked shocked himself. "Do you think...do you think they really can’t see me, Remus? Maybe you are the only one that can see me and hear me...."
"Yes, that must be it!" He turned to the others, fearing he might explode with excitement. He was not delirious, it was just some sort of magic unknown to him that prevented everyone else from feeling Sirius’ presence in any way. "It must be--"
"Remus, there really isn’t anyone--"
"No, listen! You can’t see him or hear him. I don’t know why, but I’m the only one who can." He turned to Sirius once more, hands gesticulating wildly. "I will find a way to make you visible to everyone else, Sirius."
"There is no one there, Remus."
"You think you’ll be able to? I want them to see me."
"Remus..."
Now the room was full of sound -- two, three, four voices talking at the same time, drowning Tonks’ loud sobs. Harry was the only quiet one.
"You see him, Harry, don’t you?"
Once more everyone went silent, holding their breaths expectantly.
Harry’s eyes moved from Remus to Sirius before closing. "There is no one there, Remus."
***
"He’s doing much better."
"Will he ever--"
"I can’t say for sure, but it’s probable. He seems on the way to a full recovery."
"How long?"
"Impossible to tell."
"But will it be a few weeks, or more like years?"
"I am afraid I cannot--"
"Please, just an approximation. I won’t hold you to it."
"Well, if he continues this way, I doubt we will have to keep him here further than next year."
"That’s a long time."
"We have to make sure, you understand...."
Remus lay back on the bed and closed his eyes as the voiced outside the room faded away. Next year was far away. He couldn’t wait to get out of there and stop acting as if Sirius wasn’t alive. Only a few months and then he’d be free to go back to Sirius. He was going to find the way to make others see him, and then everything would be just like it had to be. They’d be together again, this time forever.