(no subject)
wow.
first of all, this lady lisa williams has a new psychic show. on lifetime.
(there was a house marathon on usa, and the people who own lifetime own them. there were commercials. leave me alone.)
and she is the spitting image of foxglove from the death comics. it's haunting.
see what i did, there? haunting? psychic? ahh shaddup. i'm funny.
second of all, i would like to properly thank the entire female gender for, on those rare occasions when i actually get to socialize with them, almost always leaving me feeling like less of a person. because nothing makes my day like being debased and devalued, except for when my entire personality gets shat upon. so thanks.
and i know i'm being moody and pissy because i had a bad date, but everything for me ends in the not-letting-it-go taking-it-too-far overthought neurotic catastrophe.
normal people, they go "okay. bad date. oh well. cut the losses and let's leave it at that."
not me. no. i gots to go back and re-hash the whole thing. until that dead horse is thouroughly beaten.
i gotsta burn my bridges, when i want them burned.
otherwise i can't be got rid of.
i'm just sick of being too neurotic to function. i'm sure there's pills for that. and therapy.
but honestly, if i'm WITH someone, i'm not creepy or neurotic or troubled. i'm just sweet and devoted and okay, maybe a little neurotic, but it's in a way where i'm always worried about if i'm doing the right thing by that other person.
i just want someone to share my nervous breakdowns with. is that so much to ask? also someone with a vocabulary comperable or superior to mine. and someone with the ability to do mach 3 banter-duels. that isn't so rare, is it?
i just would like to go to bed some days, feeling content. not confident, not complete, just accomplished enough to be content. but lately i've just been settling for overworked exhaustion.
i'm done with games. even though i'll never stop percieving them.
if something's not happening on at least 3 levels, i'm making up the other two. which makes me really paranoid. but when it is actually happening, very observant.
stephanie told me today she was actually worried about me, and my inability to make friends. now that she's relieved i've made some. i find this vaguely insulting, but more just depressing. that everyone thinks i'm too socially stunted for my own good. i mean. it's partially true, but the friends i eventually do get count for something. and they think i'm awesome. which is really the most important thing to have in friends, right? that they adore you?
i'm kidding. sort of. but i do kind of need my friends to love me unconditionally. because i'm too messed up to keep friends that don't, really.
i'm lonesome.
which is different from being lonely, but if you don't understand how, i can't explain it.
i'm.
done.
first of all, this lady lisa williams has a new psychic show. on lifetime.
(there was a house marathon on usa, and the people who own lifetime own them. there were commercials. leave me alone.)
and she is the spitting image of foxglove from the death comics. it's haunting.
see what i did, there? haunting? psychic? ahh shaddup. i'm funny.
second of all, i would like to properly thank the entire female gender for, on those rare occasions when i actually get to socialize with them, almost always leaving me feeling like less of a person. because nothing makes my day like being debased and devalued, except for when my entire personality gets shat upon. so thanks.
and i know i'm being moody and pissy because i had a bad date, but everything for me ends in the not-letting-it-go taking-it-too-far overthought neurotic catastrophe.
normal people, they go "okay. bad date. oh well. cut the losses and let's leave it at that."
not me. no. i gots to go back and re-hash the whole thing. until that dead horse is thouroughly beaten.
i gotsta burn my bridges, when i want them burned.
otherwise i can't be got rid of.
i'm just sick of being too neurotic to function. i'm sure there's pills for that. and therapy.
but honestly, if i'm WITH someone, i'm not creepy or neurotic or troubled. i'm just sweet and devoted and okay, maybe a little neurotic, but it's in a way where i'm always worried about if i'm doing the right thing by that other person.
i just want someone to share my nervous breakdowns with. is that so much to ask? also someone with a vocabulary comperable or superior to mine. and someone with the ability to do mach 3 banter-duels. that isn't so rare, is it?
i just would like to go to bed some days, feeling content. not confident, not complete, just accomplished enough to be content. but lately i've just been settling for overworked exhaustion.
i'm done with games. even though i'll never stop percieving them.
if something's not happening on at least 3 levels, i'm making up the other two. which makes me really paranoid. but when it is actually happening, very observant.
stephanie told me today she was actually worried about me, and my inability to make friends. now that she's relieved i've made some. i find this vaguely insulting, but more just depressing. that everyone thinks i'm too socially stunted for my own good. i mean. it's partially true, but the friends i eventually do get count for something. and they think i'm awesome. which is really the most important thing to have in friends, right? that they adore you?
i'm kidding. sort of. but i do kind of need my friends to love me unconditionally. because i'm too messed up to keep friends that don't, really.
i'm lonesome.
which is different from being lonely, but if you don't understand how, i can't explain it.
i'm.
done.