diet coke
So I guess freedom is like any other possession ... the more you hunger for it the farther away it is. When I or anyone else starts buying stuff it never satisfies, you always want more and more and more.
I want my freedom... and I want it now but, I never seem to get enough ... I always want more. I don't want to make my bed cause I don't want to ... I don't want to clean the bathroom cause, you cant make me ... I'm not taking out the trash this week cause I did it last week ... I'm not going to do anything cause its my off day ..damn it... and with all these choices of freedom I get no freedom at all only the never ending pursuit of it. I preach to myself not to cherish my stuff. My piano and guitar are luxuries ... my car is a blessing ... a friend is a cherished gift ... a job and a nice bed are things that I'm thankful for but understand that they are above and beyond what I need. I seem to forget this point of view when it comes to freedom ... my life ... "what about me?"
Independence is a goofy thing ... we, or at least I, seem to think of it terms of, "the rest of my life" when really I can only ever be free in the moment I'm in. Cant be free in the past cause what happened is already set in stone and I cant be free in the future cause the future never really gets here ... now ...if I'm always looking past the moment I'm in.
Freedom has nothing to do with me doing what I want. Freedom is nothing more than being where you are at any given moment and helping someone who needs it that moment and doing something someone tells you to do in that moment and not getting angry if someone wrongfully accuses you or twists your words ... freedom is being free of myself. Of all the possessions in the world the number one possession is the most overlooked one ... me.
The other night I decided to go and get a diet coke at Kroger to give me some energy to pack because I was going to move the next day. So I got in my car and headed down there. I was on my third step outside of my car door when an older man said,
"Hey, sir!" "Would you like to buy a painting from me ... there only $10?"
I said, "Hmm ... let me see what you got"
"I got this one painting here of a tree with the suns light highlighting the backdrop of trees and tall grass. I painted it down on Broadway"
"Nice" I said as he without bending over at all threw it onto the pavement so we could see it from a "distant" perspective.
He then showed me a couple of others ... one was a sketch of Boston Harbor and the other ... I don't remember.
I bought the tree painting one and as I did he told me about the painting saying how he painted the tree in the middle of the canvas because even though your not suppose to center the focus of a painting on the canvas usually he wanted to break the rules and see if he could pull it off ... and he was satisfied that he did.
This explanation took him about 10 mins to get through...and I kept thinking how I just wanted a diet coke and to go back home and how I could have already been back home by now.
The man ... Robby was his name ... then wanted to personalize the painting for me and lead me to the bench right outside of Kroger and while on the way to the bench we stopped several times for him to tell me about his music career that will be takin off soon...he moved down here from Boston to Nashville because hes working on his album. He then sings to me one of his songs but does so in spoken word style since he didnt have his guitar with him.
We finally get to the bench were he signs and autographs the painting for me while talking about life and how much of a blessing it is and how wonderful it is to meet people walking down the street.
Robby is a Vietnam Vet who has spent a couple years homeless while in Boston and is currently working out a public intoxication charge against him. He paints, draws, and plays Americana music. He is broke right now and is overly outgoing and for a Vet and for a man who has clearly lived life on the other side of the edge of popular culture he seems pretty sane and is respectful and he is 58 years old.
Robby after finishing writing me a note on the back of the painting asked if I had driven to the store and after I said yes, he asked if I could give him a ride home cause he was really tired and, "his old bones get tired and need potassium". I said sure I would give him a ride I just needed to run in and grab a diet coke real quick and we could go. He then said that sounded good cause he wanted to get some food with the ten bucks I just gave him for the painting. Now inside my head I was getting annoyed cause I didn't want to be here in this situation ... I just wanted a diet coke.
I said ok and we headed inside to shop. Shopping took awhile cause he was bargain shopping and even though I appreciated him being frugal with the money I just gave him it made the shopping take forever and I was feeling drained and thinking, ... "if I only had my diet coke I wouldn't be feeling so sluggish cause I would have been nourished with caffeine ... 45 minutes ago."
We finally finished shopping and got in the car and headed to his apartment. As I drove he started talking about the band Panic at the Disco and if I have ever heard of them. I said I had but I wasn't familiar with their work. He said they were really good musicians and that their stuff was really theatrical and I should check them out some time. I told him I would look them up.
Robby asked me if I drank and I said sometimes which he followed with, "I don't cause I'm an alcoholic and then asked if I smoked weed ... I said not anymore and he replied with, "I do at times but only to help me sleep ... hey do you want to come in and listen to the Panic at the Disco cd .. you can bring some beer if you want I don't mind?" I turned him down saying I had to go ... he asked if I had a girlfriend or many friends and then decided that we should hangout and I could help him get his music out to the people...I gave him my number reluctantly cause I didn't really want to hangout I just wanted to go home and get back into the rhythm of my night and of my life that I had planned out.
I got in my car and really disliked the way I felt. I was annoyed cause I didn't get to live my little life of choice and freedom the exact way I wanted too. In my heart I chose a diet coke over a human. I'm shy and it can really be a struggle for me to meet and be with people I don't know well and that was part of my discomfort but it wasn't all of my discomfort a lot of it was just not being happy cause I was too wrapped up with being pretty sure the world revolves around me. Freedom slipped through my fingers again and its likely too still again but I'm grateful for meeting Robby whether I see him again or not. I thank him for reminding me where it is I can find freedom when I forget where to look...and that no matter what the commercials may say I wont find it looking inside that aluminum can...I don't think anyway.
I want my freedom... and I want it now but, I never seem to get enough ... I always want more. I don't want to make my bed cause I don't want to ... I don't want to clean the bathroom cause, you cant make me ... I'm not taking out the trash this week cause I did it last week ... I'm not going to do anything cause its my off day ..damn it... and with all these choices of freedom I get no freedom at all only the never ending pursuit of it. I preach to myself not to cherish my stuff. My piano and guitar are luxuries ... my car is a blessing ... a friend is a cherished gift ... a job and a nice bed are things that I'm thankful for but understand that they are above and beyond what I need. I seem to forget this point of view when it comes to freedom ... my life ... "what about me?"
Independence is a goofy thing ... we, or at least I, seem to think of it terms of, "the rest of my life" when really I can only ever be free in the moment I'm in. Cant be free in the past cause what happened is already set in stone and I cant be free in the future cause the future never really gets here ... now ...if I'm always looking past the moment I'm in.
Freedom has nothing to do with me doing what I want. Freedom is nothing more than being where you are at any given moment and helping someone who needs it that moment and doing something someone tells you to do in that moment and not getting angry if someone wrongfully accuses you or twists your words ... freedom is being free of myself. Of all the possessions in the world the number one possession is the most overlooked one ... me.
The other night I decided to go and get a diet coke at Kroger to give me some energy to pack because I was going to move the next day. So I got in my car and headed down there. I was on my third step outside of my car door when an older man said,
"Hey, sir!" "Would you like to buy a painting from me ... there only $10?"
I said, "Hmm ... let me see what you got"
"I got this one painting here of a tree with the suns light highlighting the backdrop of trees and tall grass. I painted it down on Broadway"
"Nice" I said as he without bending over at all threw it onto the pavement so we could see it from a "distant" perspective.
He then showed me a couple of others ... one was a sketch of Boston Harbor and the other ... I don't remember.
I bought the tree painting one and as I did he told me about the painting saying how he painted the tree in the middle of the canvas because even though your not suppose to center the focus of a painting on the canvas usually he wanted to break the rules and see if he could pull it off ... and he was satisfied that he did.
This explanation took him about 10 mins to get through...and I kept thinking how I just wanted a diet coke and to go back home and how I could have already been back home by now.
The man ... Robby was his name ... then wanted to personalize the painting for me and lead me to the bench right outside of Kroger and while on the way to the bench we stopped several times for him to tell me about his music career that will be takin off soon...he moved down here from Boston to Nashville because hes working on his album. He then sings to me one of his songs but does so in spoken word style since he didnt have his guitar with him.
We finally get to the bench were he signs and autographs the painting for me while talking about life and how much of a blessing it is and how wonderful it is to meet people walking down the street.
Robby is a Vietnam Vet who has spent a couple years homeless while in Boston and is currently working out a public intoxication charge against him. He paints, draws, and plays Americana music. He is broke right now and is overly outgoing and for a Vet and for a man who has clearly lived life on the other side of the edge of popular culture he seems pretty sane and is respectful and he is 58 years old.
Robby after finishing writing me a note on the back of the painting asked if I had driven to the store and after I said yes, he asked if I could give him a ride home cause he was really tired and, "his old bones get tired and need potassium". I said sure I would give him a ride I just needed to run in and grab a diet coke real quick and we could go. He then said that sounded good cause he wanted to get some food with the ten bucks I just gave him for the painting. Now inside my head I was getting annoyed cause I didn't want to be here in this situation ... I just wanted a diet coke.
I said ok and we headed inside to shop. Shopping took awhile cause he was bargain shopping and even though I appreciated him being frugal with the money I just gave him it made the shopping take forever and I was feeling drained and thinking, ... "if I only had my diet coke I wouldn't be feeling so sluggish cause I would have been nourished with caffeine ... 45 minutes ago."
We finally finished shopping and got in the car and headed to his apartment. As I drove he started talking about the band Panic at the Disco and if I have ever heard of them. I said I had but I wasn't familiar with their work. He said they were really good musicians and that their stuff was really theatrical and I should check them out some time. I told him I would look them up.
Robby asked me if I drank and I said sometimes which he followed with, "I don't cause I'm an alcoholic and then asked if I smoked weed ... I said not anymore and he replied with, "I do at times but only to help me sleep ... hey do you want to come in and listen to the Panic at the Disco cd .. you can bring some beer if you want I don't mind?" I turned him down saying I had to go ... he asked if I had a girlfriend or many friends and then decided that we should hangout and I could help him get his music out to the people...I gave him my number reluctantly cause I didn't really want to hangout I just wanted to go home and get back into the rhythm of my night and of my life that I had planned out.
I got in my car and really disliked the way I felt. I was annoyed cause I didn't get to live my little life of choice and freedom the exact way I wanted too. In my heart I chose a diet coke over a human. I'm shy and it can really be a struggle for me to meet and be with people I don't know well and that was part of my discomfort but it wasn't all of my discomfort a lot of it was just not being happy cause I was too wrapped up with being pretty sure the world revolves around me. Freedom slipped through my fingers again and its likely too still again but I'm grateful for meeting Robby whether I see him again or not. I thank him for reminding me where it is I can find freedom when I forget where to look...and that no matter what the commercials may say I wont find it looking inside that aluminum can...I don't think anyway.