(no subject)
Its been quite some time since I let the world into my life. Thats pretty surprising since last year at this time I was addicted to this thing. What a difference a year makes. Life has been quite interesting since I last posted. I'll give everyone the lowdown.
The major event is that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Stage 1, which is a blessing. But regardless, she is now undergoing chemotherapy. She is going to be fine. I know that in my heart of hearts. My Grandma says she looks like Demi Moore in G.I Jane. Gotta love Gramma. Its hard to see my mom not feeling at the top of her game. She's always been so together. She still is I suppose, but its different now. When something like this happens, it makes you change your perspective on the world. You tend to see things for what they really are, most of the time inconsequential. It makes you realize that although most of us take our lives and loved ones for granted; that they will always be there to talk to or give you advise, this isn't the case at all. Little arguments don't matter. The girl who you liked but didn't like you back doesn't matter. Having a job that isn't related to you degree in the slightest doesn't matter. Worried about being bored or where you are going to go or what you are going to do tonight doesn't matter. This ordeal threatened to tear my family apart. This is a lot to deal with when my dad had such a close call less than a year ago.
In this past three months, I've done a lot of soul searching. More than usual for yours truly. I think I have come up with what does matter. I've come to terms with my family, finincial situation (albeit getting better with every day now), my friends who are my anchor to everything, and most importantly with myself. I know the mistakes I have made in the past, character flaws, missed oppurtunities, and will never make them again. Jealousy has finally been beaten. I even found myself in a real state of depression because at one point, I was the lone member of my group of close friends that was single! While normally this wouldn't be an issue, I really did need someone to fill that void. Even now I do, but its not a jealous need at all.
I know that I blew my best chance at love and I'm ok with that. She's happier now than she ever could be if I were with her. I know that I need to speak up when I feel something strongly or else that moment will fade, and you can never have it back. I've realized how much I miss friends that have moved away. I've also realized the value of lifelong friendships. I guess you can say life has been put into perspective.
Bottom line. Three months gone by and I'm a different person.
The major event is that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Stage 1, which is a blessing. But regardless, she is now undergoing chemotherapy. She is going to be fine. I know that in my heart of hearts. My Grandma says she looks like Demi Moore in G.I Jane. Gotta love Gramma. Its hard to see my mom not feeling at the top of her game. She's always been so together. She still is I suppose, but its different now. When something like this happens, it makes you change your perspective on the world. You tend to see things for what they really are, most of the time inconsequential. It makes you realize that although most of us take our lives and loved ones for granted; that they will always be there to talk to or give you advise, this isn't the case at all. Little arguments don't matter. The girl who you liked but didn't like you back doesn't matter. Having a job that isn't related to you degree in the slightest doesn't matter. Worried about being bored or where you are going to go or what you are going to do tonight doesn't matter. This ordeal threatened to tear my family apart. This is a lot to deal with when my dad had such a close call less than a year ago.
In this past three months, I've done a lot of soul searching. More than usual for yours truly. I think I have come up with what does matter. I've come to terms with my family, finincial situation (albeit getting better with every day now), my friends who are my anchor to everything, and most importantly with myself. I know the mistakes I have made in the past, character flaws, missed oppurtunities, and will never make them again. Jealousy has finally been beaten. I even found myself in a real state of depression because at one point, I was the lone member of my group of close friends that was single! While normally this wouldn't be an issue, I really did need someone to fill that void. Even now I do, but its not a jealous need at all.
I know that I blew my best chance at love and I'm ok with that. She's happier now than she ever could be if I were with her. I know that I need to speak up when I feel something strongly or else that moment will fade, and you can never have it back. I've realized how much I miss friends that have moved away. I've also realized the value of lifelong friendships. I guess you can say life has been put into perspective.
Bottom line. Three months gone by and I'm a different person.