Jump Into The Fire 4/?
Title: Jump Into The Fire
Author: Captain Burrito
Fandom: Supernatural
Word Count: 2,009
Disclaimer: I own no characters or any fandom, I am making no money out of this.
Warnings: Swearing, I think.
Summary: That fucking pang.
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG-13
Author's Notes: I have absolutely no idea where Im going with this but I'll probably add more soon. Im just making it up as I go along really. I suppose its kind of AU. I haven't watched seasons 3 4 or 5 yet so Im just kinda mincing my way through it. Sorry this part is so late, been so busy lately. 10 points if you can spot the joke in it. I kind of rushed this a little bit
It’s the light streaming through the windows that first wake Dean. He is grotty and his head is hammering, keeping rhythm with the thump of his heart. He rubs his eyes against the blinding glow of the sun. He doesn’t move from his stomach, he lifts his head and turns it to the right, Castiel shifts around to face him, not sleepily more like in a daze. At first Dean’s heart stutters and stops, he vaguely remembers the night before and his stomach turns, he feels like groaning but he doesn’t. It’s not the guilt that gets him first; it’s the pang of his heart. He panics, like when he was chased by the hell hounds, except this was like being chased by something a little more terrifying. Dean was scared shitless; he kept his eyes half opened avoiding Castiel's gaze until he swiftly met it for a moment, just to be doubly sure, and the sight of him, pale skinned, bright eyed, mussed hair. A sight of heart stopping beauty yet it scared Dean more than anything, Dean had always been a coward. Castiel smiled and Deans heart thrummed again, he felt like pounding his fist against his chest in an attempt to fix it, unfortunately his heart is not a broken radio.
He looked so different in contrast to the angel Dean had seen in that abandoned house with Sam, the fierce soldier Cas. He looked more like innocent, naked and naive; it made Dean feel ten times worse.
Castiel almost whispers ‘Hello Dean, did you sleep well?’ and Dean struggles to lift his eyes to the sight of Castiel, all strewn out on the bed like some glorious angel, sure he had seen him in his true form but nothing was as breath taking as seeing him so angelic and human at the same time. He swallowed dryly and pulled his eyes up to meet Castiel's. It wasn’t love he was assuring himself, it wasn’t, but god breathing was so fucking difficult. God dammit he wasn’t some 15 year old schoolgirl with a crush. His voice comes out as a guttural tone ‘Fine, fine... Castiel, listen’ He pauses and purses his lips, but before he has time to expand on last night’s regrets his eyes take note of Gabriel hovering behind Castiel with a look of utter arrogance on his face. Deans brain ignores him for a minute and then his face snaps into annoyance and disbelief.
‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ He blurts, snaps almost but then he realise Castiel wouldn’t be too pleased with him and wait, when did Dean care what Cas thought? Castiel rolls to stare at Gabriel with a surprised but mildly happy expression.
‘Ah, the old monkey see monkey do... dirty monkey.’ Gabe smirks down at them, clearly made up his mind that he is alright with this, judging by his smirk.
‘What do you want?’ Dean snarls behind Castiel, clearly his spite for Gabriel had not yet cooled. Castiel was propped up on one arm, completely at ease with the situation compared to Dean hiding behind Cas as if he could hide his shame and peeking his head over Castiel's arm.
‘Come, jump into my chocolate filled love pool, Dean.’ He liked fucking about with Dean, to see how far he could really push him.
‘No, Castiel, listen, I know you want to help the little dirt monkeys and what not, but you can’t rebel you really can’t, not again.’ Castiel head tilts and for a moment Dean clings to his arm, fingers digging into the skin in fear of Castiel leaving.
Cas didn’t seem to notice and simply purses his lips. ‘Why?’
‘You’re going to fall, hard.’ Gabriel looked almost terrified instead of solemn, he pleaded Castiel with his eyes but his efforts were going to be wasted, Gabriel could probably tell this but he couldn’t help himself from trying. Once Castiel's mind was made up that was it.
‘Then I shall come to heaven with you and explain the situation myself’ Castiel juts his chin out as if questioning the archangels authority, fuck, Dean kinda loves it when Castiel juts his chin out.
Gabriel shared too much of a brotherly bond with Castiel to say otherwise. But Dean did have something to say about it.
‘Hey you can’t just grab him and take him back to heaven.’ Dean gripped Castiel's arm, the words seem to tumble out of his mouth like he had no control over them anymore. He mentally kicked himself. ‘He needs to be here to help Sam.’ He quickly makes up for it with sceptical eyes.
‘You know what, Dean, if you weren’t such fucking prick, you’d be a decent person’ Gabriel smiled smugly and put his hand on Castiel's forearm, and he shifted to get out of bed and Dean pursed his lips forming a ripple of dimples.
Before Castiel leaves he plants a soft kiss on Deans forehead, Dean flinches as if Castiel's lips are ice. ‘I appreciate your concern Dean’ He smiles and then he is gone in a flash of light. Deans pretty sure Castiel's doing that whole ‘looking-into-his-soul’ shit he specifically told him not to do.
Castiel hadn’t been away long but Dean had difficulty sleeping already, his mind nervously flicked from Sam to Castiel constantly. There was nothing he could really do apart from call Bobby and ask him how Sam was doing, although Bobby had stated rather firmly that he wouldn’t be the messenger monkey. Despite Bobby’s efforts to try and coax Dean into coming back, Dean didn’t really want to see anyone at all right now apart from Cas. He was helpless to stop Sam without Castiel being here and was itching for him to return.
He didn’t want to be left with his thoughts too long. He knows those things could be lethal. It had been about three days since Castiel left, it was pretty boring sitting around doing nothing for three days straight.
Dean usually sat on the bed at night, unable to sleep, staring into the tiny TV monitor on the other side of the room. In darkness with only screen glare as a source of light. He didn’t really take in anything off the TV he simply used to it to pre occupy his mind from roaming free onto worry of Sam or even worse, thoughts of Castiel. Dean was doing his monotonous TV watching, droning out. His eyes are hypnotised, mind blank, mouth open sitting over the edge of the lumpy bed, hands on knees, entranced.
‘Sorry I took so long’ the gruff voice from the other end of the dark room sent Dean flying, out of his coma, almost on to the floor, he braced himself against the bed and shouted ‘GOD ALMIGHTY CAS, CANT YOU WARN A BROTHER!?’. Panting he turned round to see Castiel lurking in the shadows as always, an amused smile hinting at his lips.
‘Time in heaven goes a lot slower you know’ He grins simply and the relief that surges into Dean after the initial shock is unbelievable. He feels the weight pouring off his shoulders; he almost rolls his eyes at himself for being such a pussy.
Dean puts on a hell of a poker face for someone who had just had sex with the guy four days ago you’d think they’d hardly met. ‘What happened?’ Dean’s voice is masked and low, he keeps his eyes pinned at the TV, for fear of looking at him and feeling that pang, that stupid annoying twinge.
‘Yeah, so it turns out I will fall, but, Gabriel gave me his sword and he’s watching Lucifer’s moves for us, so, I will continue to map out where Lucifer and his demons are travelling to, keep a close eye and I’ll choose my attack wisely’ Castiel doesn’t sound too bothered by Deans ignorance towards him. Dean flinches when Castiel says he will fall and turns to look at Castiel's shoes; not bearing to face him but the sympathy is painted on his face.
‘Sorry Cas.’ He mumbles and wrings his hands looking sheepish. He can feel Castiel's martyred smile. ‘This is my problem, I appreciate your... help’ He glances up for a second and blue hits him, Castiel is simply watching him, nothing special but it feels like a freight train. It’s like he’s seeing Castiel in a different light now. Dean uses help loosely, not help with getting Sam out of this alive but also helping him keep it together.
‘I keep assuring you Dean, it’s not of import.’ Dean knows that Castiel probably hates this, he probably is driving Castiel to his own hell, but he’s too selfish to say otherwise. ‘Gabriel has given me his sword. He presumes Aspen is going to use Sams body as a tomb, a living devils trap. This weapon will stop Lucifer for either a while or it will kill him, were not sure yet.’ Castiel doesn’t have the sword in hand; Dean presumes he is talking about it being still in heaven.
He manages another glance up at Castiel; he can’t understand why he is feeling like this. It’s totally absurd. He almost sighs but disguises it as a sharp intake of breath, Castiel is looking puzzled at Dean.
‘What’s the matter?’ it’s a stupid question, Cas knows, because every things the matter. Dean drags his eyes down and lets his guard down for a second, going completely floppy and miserable. The bed dips and Castiel is sitting beside him, a healthy distance between them, apparently Castiel was feeling a little awkward to.
‘Is it because I am falling for you?’ Castiel asks, an innocence ringing in his voice and Dean almost chokes, his head whips up, wide eyed and panicked, the he realises stupidly he means literally falling from heaven, his expression tints slightly humoured. He takes a deep breath and just plunges into the deep end and looks up at Castiel's eyes, turns out the water in the deep end is icy cold and slices at his chest.
Castiel face is a mask of pain and confusion, Dean can’t tell if Castiel is pained because Dean is upset or if it’s because he was basically just rejected from heaven. Probably both. He looks into the blue for a couple of seconds, and the pain in his heart starts, but the good thing is at least he can’t look at him for a couple of minutes now. Castiel tilts his head, signalling for an answer. Dean stammers for a moment, mentally cursing himself.
‘About, that night, you know that night?’ Dean says dropping his gaze from Castiel's eyes to his own hands, twisting nervously. Castiel shifts closer, Dean doesn’t notice, too busy running through the words in his head. ‘I just want to know, you aren’t pulling any angel shit on me, reading my mind, changing my mood and stuff right?’ His eyes dart to Cas who is now leaning in towards Dean, just trying to make out what he’s mumbling, Dean freaks out and nearly jumps back but Cas catches his eyes in his gaze and holds him there.
‘No, Dean’ He looks at Dean with a penetrating gaze, too close for comfort, as is habit with the angel but it had never been such a problem until now. Dean shifts uncomfortably underneath his stare and just sheepishly nods. ‘Okay, Im gonna get some sleep then’ Dean mumbles and shifts back to lay on the bed, but he doesn’t sleep, he just sits staring at the ceiling while Cas sits on the end of the bed like a concrete man, hands on knees, back bent. ‘Can’t sleep’ Dean mumbles and Castiel's head cranes to lift an eyebrow at him.
‘First you want my angel powers, then you don’t want them, then you do’ Castiel sighs and utters beneath his breath then he sidles up alongside Dean and presses two fingers on Deans forehead, Dean simply smiles, grateful for Castiel's powers while he still had them.
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