My day ended at 10:30 this morning - it hasn't restarted yet.
I think it's still flopping around on the ground gasping for air.
I got fed up this morning. I called Norm, the manager of the Quadra and Yates street Starbucks that I want to work at...I've been calling and calling and asking him to call me back for 3 weeks now...well I finally got a hold of him this morning and he said,
"It's not that I'm not interested (could have fooled me), but I just don't have any positions for someone with your availability - that's why I haven't gotten back to you. But definatly YOU should stay in touch if you're still interested."
This pisses me off because:
a) If he had any balls/respect then he would know that I'd have appreciate it a lot more if he'd called me earlier to say that he didn't have a spot for me - rather than wasting my time.
b) I find it backwards that I should stay in touch with him if I'm interested when it should be obvious that I am since I've been trying to get a hold of him for 3 weeks - which as far as I know counts as "staying in touch"...I wish I'd said to him - "I think that YOU should stay in touch if YOU're interested"...but I didn't.
As far as I'm concerned at this point - I'm tired of being jerked around by Starbucks, this is the third time in the past few months that I have been...so at this point it's their loss that they don't have me as a barista.
I then proceeded to go to my doctors appointment with Travis this morning.
It's a new doctor - I don't have one in Victoria so I was just trying this guy out because he was accepting new patients. It didn't go well.
a) He really had no interest in being polite, allowing me to speak, hearing my side of the story, or in helping at all really. He brushed us off like he had something more important to do and we were in the way. I wasn't impressed.
b) He told me that the dose level of anti-depressants that I've been on for the past few months is the starter dose and so it was no wonder that they weren't helping at all....and then he told me that it's pointless for me to seek counselling or help from anyone because it was rarely ever needed and would do me no good - I just needed to be bumped up to the strongest dose.
So rather than going to the doctor to find a way to eventually get off of these and find help - I got shut down and passed some more drugs.
Two kicks to my very low confidence level have sent me to my knees this morning.
I have no job, no money, and more drugs.
I told Travis that it becomes completely obvious to me that this doctor has never been on anti-depressants: I believe this because if he ever has been he'd have an idea of the helpless, failure feeling that I feel when I think about my inability to feel normal/happy without chemical intervention and the feeling that comes from popping a "happy" pill every morning when I wake up to start my day. If he knew that feeling he'd understand why I want help and why I want to find a way off of these and get better.
It's hard enough for me to give in and go to try and find help - it's taken me this long to build up the confidence to do so - and being told that I don't need it and that he's unwilling to help me really knocks away the fragile layers that I had been storing up for this. It's hard to get up again afterwards and want to try again.
I will though.
I'm supposed to go check in with him in 2-3 weeks to make sure that the pills aren't causing any side effects - but I'm cancelling that appointment. I won't see him again. I'm going to get in to see my doctor in Squamish - he atleast gave a shit and he wanted me to find help.
And job wise - I'm going to apply to a few more places - not necessarily Starbucks stores. But I know some people at the Cook Street Store who would recommend me, so I'm going to try that one too.
I just feel so tired and sad today,
I ate an entire pot of KD to myself...if that's any indication.
My stomach hurts.
I think I'm going to go for a walk and try to be happy again tomorrow.
Megan
I got fed up this morning. I called Norm, the manager of the Quadra and Yates street Starbucks that I want to work at...I've been calling and calling and asking him to call me back for 3 weeks now...well I finally got a hold of him this morning and he said,
"It's not that I'm not interested (could have fooled me), but I just don't have any positions for someone with your availability - that's why I haven't gotten back to you. But definatly YOU should stay in touch if you're still interested."
This pisses me off because:
a) If he had any balls/respect then he would know that I'd have appreciate it a lot more if he'd called me earlier to say that he didn't have a spot for me - rather than wasting my time.
b) I find it backwards that I should stay in touch with him if I'm interested when it should be obvious that I am since I've been trying to get a hold of him for 3 weeks - which as far as I know counts as "staying in touch"...I wish I'd said to him - "I think that YOU should stay in touch if YOU're interested"...but I didn't.
As far as I'm concerned at this point - I'm tired of being jerked around by Starbucks, this is the third time in the past few months that I have been...so at this point it's their loss that they don't have me as a barista.
I then proceeded to go to my doctors appointment with Travis this morning.
It's a new doctor - I don't have one in Victoria so I was just trying this guy out because he was accepting new patients. It didn't go well.
a) He really had no interest in being polite, allowing me to speak, hearing my side of the story, or in helping at all really. He brushed us off like he had something more important to do and we were in the way. I wasn't impressed.
b) He told me that the dose level of anti-depressants that I've been on for the past few months is the starter dose and so it was no wonder that they weren't helping at all....and then he told me that it's pointless for me to seek counselling or help from anyone because it was rarely ever needed and would do me no good - I just needed to be bumped up to the strongest dose.
So rather than going to the doctor to find a way to eventually get off of these and find help - I got shut down and passed some more drugs.
Two kicks to my very low confidence level have sent me to my knees this morning.
I have no job, no money, and more drugs.
I told Travis that it becomes completely obvious to me that this doctor has never been on anti-depressants: I believe this because if he ever has been he'd have an idea of the helpless, failure feeling that I feel when I think about my inability to feel normal/happy without chemical intervention and the feeling that comes from popping a "happy" pill every morning when I wake up to start my day. If he knew that feeling he'd understand why I want help and why I want to find a way off of these and get better.
It's hard enough for me to give in and go to try and find help - it's taken me this long to build up the confidence to do so - and being told that I don't need it and that he's unwilling to help me really knocks away the fragile layers that I had been storing up for this. It's hard to get up again afterwards and want to try again.
I will though.
I'm supposed to go check in with him in 2-3 weeks to make sure that the pills aren't causing any side effects - but I'm cancelling that appointment. I won't see him again. I'm going to get in to see my doctor in Squamish - he atleast gave a shit and he wanted me to find help.
And job wise - I'm going to apply to a few more places - not necessarily Starbucks stores. But I know some people at the Cook Street Store who would recommend me, so I'm going to try that one too.
I just feel so tired and sad today,
I ate an entire pot of KD to myself...if that's any indication.
My stomach hurts.
I think I'm going to go for a walk and try to be happy again tomorrow.
Megan