My True Feelings
Wow, 3 updates in a week? I feel like I'm back in high school.
Ok there's something that needs to be said. In a matter of time I will say it to your face but for right now I'll just say it on livejournal.
I don't know how you penetrated my heart so quickly. perhaps because when we first met 2 summers ago we were either in rehearsal for a show or getting drunk off our asses. There wasn't that awkwarad "Icebreaking" stage between us. most people, it takes them at least a year before they warm up to me and I with them. However between theater and partying you found a place in my heart very early on. Then you went off to your first year of college. it sucked, you struggled, no one knows more about that than I do. You turnd to me...ME of all people to talk to and help make you feel better about your current situation. I transferred to Shenandoah, met some of the craziest sons of bitches I will ever meet in my entire life. We drank beer, drank liquor, and smoked weed every night. On weekends I would sometimes hook-up and have meaningless sex. I am NOT exaggerating. As ridiculous as it seems we did that shit every motherfucking night! I wouldn't believe it myself if I didn't experience it. At about the same time you were calling me and telling me how miserable you were. My heart went out to you. Deep down every guy wants to hear from a girl that they are needed in some way, shape, or forum. Deep down every guy wants to be the hero to that damsel in distress. That affirmed my attraction to you. I wanted you to need me. I wanted you to trust me. I wanted you to REALLY like me. I know it seems weird and awkward that my attraction to you increased while you were at an emotional low. Last summer my feelings were reaffirmed. I realized how fun you are and how happy and free I feel when I am with you. This school year came. YOu were stuck at a community college. I was stuck dealing with an enormous amount of bullshit, more than any one human being should have to put up with in one semester. Christmas break came. We hung out multiple times. You sat on my lap as I wore a Santa costume. I didn't read anything into it because I figured it was just for fun. If I read into something everytime a girl sat on my lap I probably would've been hurt 3x as many times as I alrady have. After awhile I realized how much happiness you bring into my life. I mean REAL happiness, not the kind that can be conjured up with financial gains, gangs, and drug/alcohol activity. It was then that I realized that I wanted to be with you. I mean REALLY with you. I know it may not be as a lover (though that would be the ultimate preference) but as a friend. I could be a really close friend, one you would trust with your life no matter what, one who could provide that emotional bond that you give me. One that you could love no matter what the circumstnaces. One that would love you for who you truly are, good and bad! If only you could love me for who I am, good and bad. However for the past 3 years, Bad has been my dominant side! I want you to see through that. I know you already have. I know deep down that you know I am a rather decent guy. The times I've been bed has only been when necessary. Let me put it this way, "I may not be bad but the bad don't mess with me!" I only wish I could make you as happy as you make me. I just need the opportunity. I need you to give me a chance. I just wanna be close to you.
Ok there's something that needs to be said. In a matter of time I will say it to your face but for right now I'll just say it on livejournal.
I don't know how you penetrated my heart so quickly. perhaps because when we first met 2 summers ago we were either in rehearsal for a show or getting drunk off our asses. There wasn't that awkwarad "Icebreaking" stage between us. most people, it takes them at least a year before they warm up to me and I with them. However between theater and partying you found a place in my heart very early on. Then you went off to your first year of college. it sucked, you struggled, no one knows more about that than I do. You turnd to me...ME of all people to talk to and help make you feel better about your current situation. I transferred to Shenandoah, met some of the craziest sons of bitches I will ever meet in my entire life. We drank beer, drank liquor, and smoked weed every night. On weekends I would sometimes hook-up and have meaningless sex. I am NOT exaggerating. As ridiculous as it seems we did that shit every motherfucking night! I wouldn't believe it myself if I didn't experience it. At about the same time you were calling me and telling me how miserable you were. My heart went out to you. Deep down every guy wants to hear from a girl that they are needed in some way, shape, or forum. Deep down every guy wants to be the hero to that damsel in distress. That affirmed my attraction to you. I wanted you to need me. I wanted you to trust me. I wanted you to REALLY like me. I know it seems weird and awkward that my attraction to you increased while you were at an emotional low. Last summer my feelings were reaffirmed. I realized how fun you are and how happy and free I feel when I am with you. This school year came. YOu were stuck at a community college. I was stuck dealing with an enormous amount of bullshit, more than any one human being should have to put up with in one semester. Christmas break came. We hung out multiple times. You sat on my lap as I wore a Santa costume. I didn't read anything into it because I figured it was just for fun. If I read into something everytime a girl sat on my lap I probably would've been hurt 3x as many times as I alrady have. After awhile I realized how much happiness you bring into my life. I mean REAL happiness, not the kind that can be conjured up with financial gains, gangs, and drug/alcohol activity. It was then that I realized that I wanted to be with you. I mean REALLY with you. I know it may not be as a lover (though that would be the ultimate preference) but as a friend. I could be a really close friend, one you would trust with your life no matter what, one who could provide that emotional bond that you give me. One that you could love no matter what the circumstnaces. One that would love you for who you truly are, good and bad! If only you could love me for who I am, good and bad. However for the past 3 years, Bad has been my dominant side! I want you to see through that. I know you already have. I know deep down that you know I am a rather decent guy. The times I've been bed has only been when necessary. Let me put it this way, "I may not be bad but the bad don't mess with me!" I only wish I could make you as happy as you make me. I just need the opportunity. I need you to give me a chance. I just wanna be close to you.