Fanangle my dangle mr. bojangles
September 14, eighteen hundred and twenty fo.... 2004
I successfully traveled back in time today. It seems the magic words were "shin-ra xynfonian" not "Steven hawking... make me a time machine you wheelchair bastard," as I had previously thought. My first destination was to the cre...cretaci...cretaciu...jurrasic period. There my simple human eyes were overwhelmed with mythical beasts and my suspiciously keen nostrils twitching at new and obscure odors. I could smell dinosaurs too. I journeyed up to one of the creatures and asked it for the time, I was met with much huffing and peculiar body language. After having my fill I totally flipped out and beat the unholy fuck out of that primordial bitch. One of his bastard children started crying so I kicked it in the face before leaving in a rage.
My next stop was to the caveman era. There I witnessed the first homosexual experience of the human race. One caveman dressed in a dubiously stylish loincloth began to decorate another's cave. Angered by his insolence, the presumably "straight" caveman felt he should deal some punishment. A cylindrical rock was picked up and furiously inserted into the salad shooter's rectal cavity. An eerie smile crept across his face, and I thought it the best time to hit the 'ol dusty trail.
My next destination was to the time when pirates roamed the earth, on my way there, however, I picked up a ninja to test a theory i've had for some time. Upon finding an adaquately drunken pirate, I placed the ninja into his path. I've often wondered who would win in a fight, a ninja, or a pirate. I will have to wait on this hypothesis, however, for as soon as they saw each other the complexities were too great, and they both spontaneously combusted.
I figured time travel would be pointless unless I was to go back to the time when everything began. I arrived in a pitch black area with no illumination exept for a far off glow in the distance, upon approach I witnessed god creating the universe. Being a die-hard athiest I was taken aback, so I went to ask a question which has been plaguing mankind since rational thought began... "Why do men have nipples, if they do not lactate?" upon witnessing one of his creations before creating anything, the work required to correct this mistake was too monumental, even for a supreme being. Upon contradicting his "all-power" everything theological collapsed on itself, leaving existence to be created simply by mathematical randominities. Sorry to everyone hoping for something better after death, my bad.
Penis on a railroad track,
Johnny
I successfully traveled back in time today. It seems the magic words were "shin-ra xynfonian" not "Steven hawking... make me a time machine you wheelchair bastard," as I had previously thought. My first destination was to the cre...cretaci...cretaciu...jurrasic period. There my simple human eyes were overwhelmed with mythical beasts and my suspiciously keen nostrils twitching at new and obscure odors. I could smell dinosaurs too. I journeyed up to one of the creatures and asked it for the time, I was met with much huffing and peculiar body language. After having my fill I totally flipped out and beat the unholy fuck out of that primordial bitch. One of his bastard children started crying so I kicked it in the face before leaving in a rage.
My next stop was to the caveman era. There I witnessed the first homosexual experience of the human race. One caveman dressed in a dubiously stylish loincloth began to decorate another's cave. Angered by his insolence, the presumably "straight" caveman felt he should deal some punishment. A cylindrical rock was picked up and furiously inserted into the salad shooter's rectal cavity. An eerie smile crept across his face, and I thought it the best time to hit the 'ol dusty trail.
My next destination was to the time when pirates roamed the earth, on my way there, however, I picked up a ninja to test a theory i've had for some time. Upon finding an adaquately drunken pirate, I placed the ninja into his path. I've often wondered who would win in a fight, a ninja, or a pirate. I will have to wait on this hypothesis, however, for as soon as they saw each other the complexities were too great, and they both spontaneously combusted.
I figured time travel would be pointless unless I was to go back to the time when everything began. I arrived in a pitch black area with no illumination exept for a far off glow in the distance, upon approach I witnessed god creating the universe. Being a die-hard athiest I was taken aback, so I went to ask a question which has been plaguing mankind since rational thought began... "Why do men have nipples, if they do not lactate?" upon witnessing one of his creations before creating anything, the work required to correct this mistake was too monumental, even for a supreme being. Upon contradicting his "all-power" everything theological collapsed on itself, leaving existence to be created simply by mathematical randominities. Sorry to everyone hoping for something better after death, my bad.
Penis on a railroad track,
Johnny