The True Story
I am Bond. Fear me! Now that evil one, aka Vesper, is upstairs, I will tell you the truth. M is my mother. Yes, that is why we both have lighter hair. I know her eyes aren't blue but her mother had blue eyes and her first husband did too. Hence the one in four chance for my sapphire blue eyes. Gorgeous, aren't they? I know, I love them too.
You see, that is why I got into this business. M, or Meridith as I like to know her as, hated being that accountant so we decided to look elsewhere. She hates the fact that I followed in her footsteps, but she hates it even more when I break into her apartment. I do know how to use that computer better than she does. She is of an older generation.
Oh, it seems I have more time than I thought. How... NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Foiled!!!!!!!! Maybe...sneaky Vesper is just washing cloths. WTH? A housewife? Never, I'm not retiring for that. Damn, she stole my computer.
What is that flashing...Det. Dalton? Side note: What is Vesper laughing at? Oh, the script writer's dubbed version of this movie... Back to Dalton. Cheeky bastard must work for Universal Exports. Vesper stole the dubber's glasses! What is this world coming to?
You know, all you hot fangirls out there, I look quite stunning in those popular rectangular glasses that are out nowadays. Yes, you can hardly tell that I look like I'm crying all the time. And since I'm telling the true story now, that look was done on purpose so you can have lots of emo and/or fluff inspiration. I'm a sap deep inside. It's true.
Oh right, back to the point. M is my mother. You don't think I was originally James Bond, do you? My father, Ian, was a bird watcher and fell in love with this one guy's ornithology books. I have no clue how drunk Meridith was when they wrote that name on the birth certificate. Anyone with that information gets...well I guess I like to sleep around. If you qualify as a Bond-girl I'll sleep with you, but then you have to die. If not, you can have a picture with me. The Sean Connery me. All the others are rip-offs. My original name was going to be Apple J. Pennyworth. That Michael Caine looking dude from that first Batman movie with that American psycho guy is my uncle. We are all related you know? Just like royalty. We have to keep the super hero blood from spreading too thin or it doesn't work anymore, cape or no cape, gun or no gun. Sorry Vesp, you're not allowed to have my kids. And I want my computer back. Your keyboard is weird and your screen is impotent. Thankfully, I'm not. Only took me five hours to recover from damn "The Number"'s whipping rage. God that guy was a dick and not the good kind.
You see, that is why I got into this business. M, or Meridith as I like to know her as, hated being that accountant so we decided to look elsewhere. She hates the fact that I followed in her footsteps, but she hates it even more when I break into her apartment. I do know how to use that computer better than she does. She is of an older generation.
Oh, it seems I have more time than I thought. How... NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Foiled!!!!!!!! Maybe...sneaky Vesper is just washing cloths. WTH? A housewife? Never, I'm not retiring for that. Damn, she stole my computer.
What is that flashing...Det. Dalton? Side note: What is Vesper laughing at? Oh, the script writer's dubbed version of this movie... Back to Dalton. Cheeky bastard must work for Universal Exports. Vesper stole the dubber's glasses! What is this world coming to?
You know, all you hot fangirls out there, I look quite stunning in those popular rectangular glasses that are out nowadays. Yes, you can hardly tell that I look like I'm crying all the time. And since I'm telling the true story now, that look was done on purpose so you can have lots of emo and/or fluff inspiration. I'm a sap deep inside. It's true.
Oh right, back to the point. M is my mother. You don't think I was originally James Bond, do you? My father, Ian, was a bird watcher and fell in love with this one guy's ornithology books. I have no clue how drunk Meridith was when they wrote that name on the birth certificate. Anyone with that information gets...well I guess I like to sleep around. If you qualify as a Bond-girl I'll sleep with you, but then you have to die. If not, you can have a picture with me. The Sean Connery me. All the others are rip-offs. My original name was going to be Apple J. Pennyworth. That Michael Caine looking dude from that first Batman movie with that American psycho guy is my uncle. We are all related you know? Just like royalty. We have to keep the super hero blood from spreading too thin or it doesn't work anymore, cape or no cape, gun or no gun. Sorry Vesp, you're not allowed to have my kids. And I want my computer back. Your keyboard is weird and your screen is impotent. Thankfully, I'm not. Only took me five hours to recover from damn "The Number"'s whipping rage. God that guy was a dick and not the good kind.