A snark!
Ok, randomly I remember about this site that someone told me about a long time ago called Screen It. It's a parental screening site for recent movies. I haven't read other screening sites, but this one just seems to be...overly picky. Therefore, it is incredibly fun to laugh at and snark about. So, I present to you:
A Snark Theatre Production
Screen It.Com - Casino Royale
I'm going to post the stuff I'm going over, it won't be everything, but there's the link if you want to read the entire thing for a good laugh. Also, comments by
polkadotsnplaid are included in this.
CAST AS ROLE MODELS:
Because, you know...
DANIEL CRAIG plays a British secret agent with a license to kill, and he does just that while trying to thwart Le Chiffre's efforts to finance terrorist operations. He also drinks, uses some profanity, has an impulsive temper, and fools around with Solange (knowing she's married) and apparently has sex with Vesper.
Ok, apparently. APPARENTLY, he has sex with Vesper. Apparently. So I was told.
EVA GREEN plays the British government agent who's in charge of Bond's betting money at the big poker tournament. She ends up becoming both his assistant and lover, although she easily holds her own against him in terms of smarts and confidence. She also drinks.
omg, she drinks. I can't handle this.
MADS MIKKELSEN plays the financier who funds various international terrorist actions and wishes to have Bond killed to keep him out of the way.
Duh.
JUDI DENCH plays Bond's superior who isn't sure she picked the right man for the job as she tries to get him to behave in the proper way. She uses some profanity and drinks.
M uses profanity!! The world is going to end!!
GIANCARLO GIANNINI plays a local field agent who assists Bond and Vesper and drinks.
NYPDDet Goren: he assist drinks?
NYPDDet Goren: oh wait, he DRINKS
NYPDDet Goren: oh ok
judgejamieross: my issue
judgejamieross: is with his you know,
judgejamieross: double agentness
NYPDDet Goren: yeah
NYPDDet Goren: omg Mama-san
NYPDDet Goren: does that mean that he has a bad additude?
judgejamieross: 'your friend Mathis...is actually my friend Mathis.'
judgejamieross: that was funny
NYPDDet Goren: haha that was funny
SIMON ABKARIAN plays another criminal type who's in cahoots with Le Chiffre in setting up terrorist actions.
He must have a bad attitude.
CATERINA MURINO plays his comely wife who wants to have sex with Bond.
Do I um.. even need to comment...on that?OUR WORD TO PARENTS: Here's a quick look at the content found in this dramatic action flick that's rated PG-13. Profanity consists of some mild expletives, while some colorful phrases are also uttered, as is some non-explicit, sexually related dialogue and innuendo. Off-screen sex is implied and we see some fooling around among unmarried couples (including one woman cheating on her husband with another man). Women are seen in revealing attire, as is the protagonist in small swim trunks, while he's also seen bound completely nude to a chair to be tortured (seen from the side in a dimly lit room).NYPDDet Goren: one woman
judgejamieross: hehehehee
NYPDDet Goren: cheating on her husband
NYPDDet Goren: with another man
NYPDDet Goren: they don't even SAY WHO IT IS
NYPDDet Goren: and it's ONE couple, not multiple
NYPDDet Goren: unless like, Mathis has got a couple of mistresses on the side, ewwwwwwww
judgejamieross: ew
judgejamieross: or bond and m
judgejamieross: are doin eet
NYPDDet Goren: um, ew
judgejamieross: i know
NYPDDet Goren: or i know
NYPDDet Goren: that guy
NYPDDet Goren: that M was sleeping next to
NYPDDet Goren: is
NYPDDet Goren: NOT HER HUSBAND
NYPDDet Goren: OMG
judgejamieross: mathis
judgejamieross: ?
NYPDDet Goren: ew
judgejamieross: no wait
NYPDDet Goren: ew ew ew ew ew
judgejamieross: m
judgejamieross: was totally
judgejamieross: doing the swiss dude
judgejamieross: :D
NYPDDet Goren: omg
NYPDDet Goren: *ded*
NYPDDet Goren: she was
NYPDDet Goren: it was the swiss dood
judgejamieross: she wanted the chocolate
judgejamieross: :D
NYPDDet Goren: LOLOLOL
NYPDDet Goren: *dies*
Beyond that scene, other violence consists of people being killed or wounded by various means, while all sorts of brutal fighting and property damage occurs in various scenes, there's a bad car wreck, and a person is seen as they drown.
Omg, property damage.
Some of that has rather bloody results, and a museum display shows human cadavers in various stages of having been dissected and then set in everyday poses. Some of the violence and other moments of peril might be unsettling or suspenseful to viewers
Some of the stunts and other action may be enticing for some kids to imitate, while various characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes, and drinking occurs in a number of scenes.
judgejamieross: yeah um
judgejamieross: kids
judgejamieross: might try to defibrillate each other.
NYPDDet Goren: omg
NYPDDet Goren: *looks around shiftily*
NYPDDet Goren: hey
NYPDDet Goren: Mama-san
judgejamieross: yes?
NYPDDet Goren: want to get defibrillated?
judgejamieross: .................................................
If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content.
Nope, nope, that's it. I stopped right there with M doing the Swiss guy...
Alcohol & Drug Use:
Others with Le Chiffre drink.
Well, clearly... if others with Le Chiffre drink, I want to.
Bond and Vesper have drinks with dinner.
Holy crap, that never happens in real life!!!
Blood/Gore
During a fight, both Bond and the man he's pursuing have blood on their heads.
Nope, no, that's too much. Can't happen.
We see a photo of a dead guy with a small, bloody bullet hole in his head.
Because photos are really what gross people out in movies, nevermind some guy getting his head chopped off...
Bond's face is bloody following a fight.
Well duh! He was in a FIGHT.
From a distance, we see dead bodies in a car trunk.
Omg. Holy crap. I have to leave the theatre now.
Vesper's face is somewhat bloody after being trapped in a collapsed building.
What the crap, she had one smear of blood on her lip.
Disrespectful/Bad Attitude
Le Chiffre, Dimitrios, and all of the villains obviously have bad attitudes (particularly Le Chiffre who's funding terrorists).
...
After a rude man thinks Bond is the valet and throws him his keys, Bond takes the man's vehicle and purposefully backs into a parking lot structure, damaging it and another vehicle parked on the other side.
...There's something wrong with that? Oh.
Guns/Weapons
During the opening credits featuring blocky, animated characters, we see them firing guns, slicing at others with knives, etc.
Seriously, that's too much for me.
Imitative Behavior
After a rude man thinks Bond is the valet and throws him his keys, Bond takes the man's vehicle and purposefully backs into a parking lot structure, damaging it and another vehicle parked on the other side.
*snort*
Sex/Nudity
We see a military man with his shirt open.
When was that? Seriously, when was that? And..what does...that have to do with anything?
The woman with Le Chiffre kisses him back in their hotel room, but they're suddenly grabbed around the throat by thugs who want the money Le Chiffre owes them.
Wait, no one said there was going to be any KISSING in this movie!! OMG!!
Bond joins Vesper in the shower (both are fully clothed, and he does so to console her after she's upset and shell-shocked from witnessing deadly violence). When she comments on blood on her fingers, he sucks on a few of her fingertips, but that's all that occurs.
That was totally not sexual.
We see Bond come out of the water in rather small swim trunks.
Why are they complaining?
Topics to Talk About
M tells Bond he needs to take his ego out of the situation.
..Ok...
Bond's poker strategy of playing the person opposite of you rather than your hand.
Because my 7 year old plays poker, and he wants to start using Bond's technique...clearly... (obviously I don't have a 7 year old)
Violence
After a rude man thinks Bond is the valet and throws him his keys, Bond takes the man's vehicle and purposefully backs into a parking lot structure, damaging it and another vehicle parked on the other side.
They are obsessed with this scene and how horrible it is.
The woman with Le Chiffre pours some sort of poison into Bond's drink in the casino, which nearly kills him.
Guess what! I poisoned your drink!
One of Le Chiffre's goons uses a knife to remove the tracking device from Bond's arm (we don't see the actual cutting).
I like that it calls him a goon. Le Chiffre's goons. Sounds like a band.
A bad man is suddenly shot in the leg and we then see Bond stand over him with an assault rifle.
A bad man. BAD man. Bad man, bad. Go to your corner. Go *points*
A Snark Theatre Production
Screen It.Com - Casino Royale
I'm going to post the stuff I'm going over, it won't be everything, but there's the link if you want to read the entire thing for a good laugh. Also, comments by
polkadotsnplaid are included in this.
CAST AS ROLE MODELS:
Because, you know...
DANIEL CRAIG plays a British secret agent with a license to kill, and he does just that while trying to thwart Le Chiffre's efforts to finance terrorist operations. He also drinks, uses some profanity, has an impulsive temper, and fools around with Solange (knowing she's married) and apparently has sex with Vesper.
Ok, apparently. APPARENTLY, he has sex with Vesper. Apparently. So I was told.
EVA GREEN plays the British government agent who's in charge of Bond's betting money at the big poker tournament. She ends up becoming both his assistant and lover, although she easily holds her own against him in terms of smarts and confidence. She also drinks.
omg, she drinks. I can't handle this.
MADS MIKKELSEN plays the financier who funds various international terrorist actions and wishes to have Bond killed to keep him out of the way.
Duh.
JUDI DENCH plays Bond's superior who isn't sure she picked the right man for the job as she tries to get him to behave in the proper way. She uses some profanity and drinks.
M uses profanity!! The world is going to end!!
GIANCARLO GIANNINI plays a local field agent who assists Bond and Vesper and drinks.
NYPDDet Goren: he assist drinks?
NYPDDet Goren: oh wait, he DRINKS
NYPDDet Goren: oh ok
judgejamieross: my issue
judgejamieross: is with his you know,
judgejamieross: double agentness
NYPDDet Goren: yeah
NYPDDet Goren: omg Mama-san
NYPDDet Goren: does that mean that he has a bad additude?
judgejamieross: 'your friend Mathis...is actually my friend Mathis.'
judgejamieross: that was funny
NYPDDet Goren: haha that was funny
SIMON ABKARIAN plays another criminal type who's in cahoots with Le Chiffre in setting up terrorist actions.
He must have a bad attitude.
CATERINA MURINO plays his comely wife who wants to have sex with Bond.
Do I um.. even need to comment...on that?OUR WORD TO PARENTS: Here's a quick look at the content found in this dramatic action flick that's rated PG-13. Profanity consists of some mild expletives, while some colorful phrases are also uttered, as is some non-explicit, sexually related dialogue and innuendo. Off-screen sex is implied and we see some fooling around among unmarried couples (including one woman cheating on her husband with another man). Women are seen in revealing attire, as is the protagonist in small swim trunks, while he's also seen bound completely nude to a chair to be tortured (seen from the side in a dimly lit room).NYPDDet Goren: one woman
judgejamieross: hehehehee
NYPDDet Goren: cheating on her husband
NYPDDet Goren: with another man
NYPDDet Goren: they don't even SAY WHO IT IS
NYPDDet Goren: and it's ONE couple, not multiple
NYPDDet Goren: unless like, Mathis has got a couple of mistresses on the side, ewwwwwwww
judgejamieross: ew
judgejamieross: or bond and m
judgejamieross: are doin eet
NYPDDet Goren: um, ew
judgejamieross: i know
NYPDDet Goren: or i know
NYPDDet Goren: that guy
NYPDDet Goren: that M was sleeping next to
NYPDDet Goren: is
NYPDDet Goren: NOT HER HUSBAND
NYPDDet Goren: OMG
judgejamieross: mathis
judgejamieross: ?
NYPDDet Goren: ew
judgejamieross: no wait
NYPDDet Goren: ew ew ew ew ew
judgejamieross: m
judgejamieross: was totally
judgejamieross: doing the swiss dude
judgejamieross: :D
NYPDDet Goren: omg
NYPDDet Goren: *ded*
NYPDDet Goren: she was
NYPDDet Goren: it was the swiss dood
judgejamieross: she wanted the chocolate
judgejamieross: :D
NYPDDet Goren: LOLOLOL
NYPDDet Goren: *dies*
Beyond that scene, other violence consists of people being killed or wounded by various means, while all sorts of brutal fighting and property damage occurs in various scenes, there's a bad car wreck, and a person is seen as they drown.
Omg, property damage.
Some of that has rather bloody results, and a museum display shows human cadavers in various stages of having been dissected and then set in everyday poses. Some of the violence and other moments of peril might be unsettling or suspenseful to viewers
Some of the stunts and other action may be enticing for some kids to imitate, while various characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes, and drinking occurs in a number of scenes.
judgejamieross: yeah um
judgejamieross: kids
judgejamieross: might try to defibrillate each other.
NYPDDet Goren: omg
NYPDDet Goren: *looks around shiftily*
NYPDDet Goren: hey
NYPDDet Goren: Mama-san
judgejamieross: yes?
NYPDDet Goren: want to get defibrillated?
judgejamieross: .................................................
If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content.
Nope, nope, that's it. I stopped right there with M doing the Swiss guy...
Alcohol & Drug Use:
Others with Le Chiffre drink.
Well, clearly... if others with Le Chiffre drink, I want to.
Bond and Vesper have drinks with dinner.
Holy crap, that never happens in real life!!!
Blood/Gore
During a fight, both Bond and the man he's pursuing have blood on their heads.
Nope, no, that's too much. Can't happen.
We see a photo of a dead guy with a small, bloody bullet hole in his head.
Because photos are really what gross people out in movies, nevermind some guy getting his head chopped off...
Bond's face is bloody following a fight.
Well duh! He was in a FIGHT.
From a distance, we see dead bodies in a car trunk.
Omg. Holy crap. I have to leave the theatre now.
Vesper's face is somewhat bloody after being trapped in a collapsed building.
What the crap, she had one smear of blood on her lip.
Disrespectful/Bad Attitude
Le Chiffre, Dimitrios, and all of the villains obviously have bad attitudes (particularly Le Chiffre who's funding terrorists).
...
After a rude man thinks Bond is the valet and throws him his keys, Bond takes the man's vehicle and purposefully backs into a parking lot structure, damaging it and another vehicle parked on the other side.
...There's something wrong with that? Oh.
Guns/Weapons
During the opening credits featuring blocky, animated characters, we see them firing guns, slicing at others with knives, etc.
Seriously, that's too much for me.
Imitative Behavior
After a rude man thinks Bond is the valet and throws him his keys, Bond takes the man's vehicle and purposefully backs into a parking lot structure, damaging it and another vehicle parked on the other side.
*snort*
Sex/Nudity
We see a military man with his shirt open.
When was that? Seriously, when was that? And..what does...that have to do with anything?
The woman with Le Chiffre kisses him back in their hotel room, but they're suddenly grabbed around the throat by thugs who want the money Le Chiffre owes them.
Wait, no one said there was going to be any KISSING in this movie!! OMG!!
Bond joins Vesper in the shower (both are fully clothed, and he does so to console her after she's upset and shell-shocked from witnessing deadly violence). When she comments on blood on her fingers, he sucks on a few of her fingertips, but that's all that occurs.
That was totally not sexual.
We see Bond come out of the water in rather small swim trunks.
Why are they complaining?
Topics to Talk About
M tells Bond he needs to take his ego out of the situation.
..Ok...
Bond's poker strategy of playing the person opposite of you rather than your hand.
Because my 7 year old plays poker, and he wants to start using Bond's technique...clearly... (obviously I don't have a 7 year old)
Violence
After a rude man thinks Bond is the valet and throws him his keys, Bond takes the man's vehicle and purposefully backs into a parking lot structure, damaging it and another vehicle parked on the other side.
They are obsessed with this scene and how horrible it is.
The woman with Le Chiffre pours some sort of poison into Bond's drink in the casino, which nearly kills him.
Guess what! I poisoned your drink!
One of Le Chiffre's goons uses a knife to remove the tracking device from Bond's arm (we don't see the actual cutting).
I like that it calls him a goon. Le Chiffre's goons. Sounds like a band.
A bad man is suddenly shot in the leg and we then see Bond stand over him with an assault rifle.
A bad man. BAD man. Bad man, bad. Go to your corner. Go *points*