Fic: The Identity Maneouver part 1
THE IDENTITY MANEOUVER
A STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES FANFICTON
PARAMOUNT OWNS THESE BOYS, NOT ME
WARNINGS: IF YOU CAN WATCH THE SHOW THEN YOU CAN READ THIS
HAPPY SPIRK DAY EVERYONE!
INT - ENTERPRISE - THERE IS NO DAY/NIGHT, THEY'RE IN SPACE
KIRK and SPOCK exit the lift and walk into the transporter room. KIRK nods to the OFFICER running the transporter.
KIRK
Ready to go talk some sense into a few Romulans, Spock?
SPOCK
Of course, Captain.
KIRK
Energize.
OFFICER pushes a few levers, and KIRK and SPOCK dissolve. They reappear on a Romulan craft. ROMULAN COMMANDER approaches.
ROMULAN COMMANDER
Ah, Captian Kirk. So nice of you to join us. I trust you've brought the serum?
KIRK
For the last time, we cannot provide the serum. That would go against Starfleet orders, not to mention my own moral code.
ROMULAN COMMANDER raises a phaser and aims at KIRK and SPOCK. The rest of the Romulans present follow suit.
ROMULAN COMMADER
Let me be clear, Kirk. I will have that serum. And you are going to return to your ship and bring it to me, right now. If you don't I can and will destroy your ship, and everyone on the planet that we are currently orbiting. Is that clear?
KIRK (to SPOCK)
Judgement call?
SPOCK
Return to ship.
KIRK pulls out his communicator.
KIRK
Kirk to Enterprise, ready to beam back.
SCOTTY (through communicator)
Sorry, captain. We're having some difficulties with one of the fuses on the transporter. This might take a bit.
KIRK looks to ROMULAN COMMANDER, who gestures as if she's about to shoot.
KIRK
Scotty, I don't care about your technical difficulties, get us up there NOW!
SCOTTY (through communicator)
Well, alright, captain. Standby to transport...
SPOCK
Captain, I'd advise against-
KIRK and SPOCK dematerialize and reappear back in the Enterprise transporter room.
KIRK
-using the transporter while it's under repairs.
KIRK and SPOCK (who have switched bodies) stare at each other.
KIRK
Captain?
SPOCK
S-Spock?
CREDITS TIME
VOICEOVER
Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. It's 5 year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life, and new civilizations, and to boldly go where no man has gone before.
Credits roll. Ship zooms by. Hooray! From here until the resolution, KIRK=Spock in Kirk's body, vice versa.
INT - ENTERPRISE SICKBAY - NO DAY OR NIGHT IN SPACE, DUMBASS
MCCOY
I can't believe this is happening.
KIRK
The evidence is undeniable, Doctor. Not believing will only bring us further from a resolution. For both this situation, and the one with the Romulans.
SPOCK
Spock, how do you deal with this body? Everything's so-
KIRK
Yes, Captain, I am well aware of the workings of my own body.
MCCOY
Well, there's nothing I can do here.
KIRK
Clearly we need to examine the circuits on the transporter, and attempt to replicate the incident.
SPOCK
We don't have time for that now! There's a fleet of Romulans set to destroy both us and the planet we're orbiting if we don't give them the Dionysus serum!
KIRK
Quite right, Captain, that is our priority. Dr. McCoy, the Dionysus serum, if you please.
SPOCK
No, Bones. We can't give it to them. The things they would use it for...
KIRK
We have no other option, Captain. We cannot risk the many lives of our crew or the planet below. Perhaps we can find a way to discourage them from using it once we've turned it over.
SPOCK
I can't accept that, Spock. I absolutely will not hand over something so dangerous to a murderous bunch of-
KIRK
What other choice do we have, Captain? Twelve Romulan vessels against the Enterprise. We cannot fight. Withholding the serum will only provoke them to make good on their threat.
SPOCK
There's no telling what they'll do if they get their hands on it! It's an incredibly dangerous substance.
KIRK
What other choice do we have, Captain?
SPOCK
Hm...We'll return to the Romulan command ship, with the Dionysus serum. We will continue negotiations from there.
KIRK
And what if they resort to violence, as they are likely to do?
SPOCK
We'll just have to take that risk, won't we, Spock?
INT - LIFT - WHAT TIME IS IT?
KIRK and SPOCK enter the bridge. SPOCK whispers to KIRK before they enter.
SPOCK
Do you think we should inform the crew of our...condition?
KIRK
While honesty is generally the best policy, and the only policy available to me, it would be advisable to keep this as ambiguous as possible. I believe that I am familiar enough with your mannerisms. You, on the other hand...
SPOCK
I've known you long enough! This can't be that hard!
KIRK
Captain-
The door of the lift slides open and the two exit into the bridge. KIRK and SPOCK both go to sit in the captain's chair. SPOCK, remembering, halts.
SULU
What's our course of action, Captain?
KIRK
Lieutenant Uhura, open hailing frequencies with command Romulan vessel.
UHURA
Yes, sir. Opening hailing frequencies.
ROM COM
Ah, Captain Kirk. Have you decided to deliver my goods?
KIRK
Put it on visual.
The viewing screen flickers on and ROM COM is visible. KIRK raises a vial of the Dionysus serum.
KIRK
I have it here. I'm willing to bring it aboard your ship, but with some conditions. You will disarm yourself and your ship while we are aboard. You will make no violent attempts to take the serum. We will negotiate peacefully, or not at all.
ROM COM
Oh, come now, Kirk. You and I both know that you do not stand a chance in an altercation against us. You hardly have the leverage to request conditions. We are ready to have you beam aboard and present us with what is rightfully ours.
KIRK glances at SPOCK, slightly nervous. SPOCK mouths the word 'bluff'.
ROM COM
What was that your first officer just said?
KIRK
He was reminding me that we do indeed have the means to take you on in battle. We can and will engage if you do not meet our demands.
ROM COM
Oh? And what means are these?
KIRK
A weapon. We are armed with a very powerful weapon, entrusted to us by Starfleet. Although we are instructed not to use it, due to it's destructive force, we may be forced to resort-
ROM COM
Save it, Kirk. You really should work on your bluff.
SPOCK steps forward.
SPOCK
It's quite true, Commander. You might not believe the captain, but you should believe the word of a Vulcan. You are aware that we do not lie.
ROM COM
A half-Vulcan. I've heard of you, Spock. I wonder, do the restrictions on dishonesty hold when half your blood is human?
SPOCK
Of course they do. I was raised as a Vulcan, and though my blood contains human genetics, my mind is quite the same as any other Vulcan.
ROM COM
Hm...I wonder if I could put that to the test. Very well, beam aboard. You have my word that phasers will not be used, nor our ship's arms, while you are aboard.
KIRK
Agreed.
SPOCK
See you in a few.
ROMULAN COMMANDER looks a little bewildered. So does KIRK, who looks back at SPOCK.
INT - TRANPORTER ROOM - SPAAAAAAAAACE
SPOCK
Scotty, are you sure that the transporter is working now?
SCOTTY
Mr. Spock...I don't think you've ever called me 'Scotty'
SPOCK
Did I? Apologies, Mr. Scott. Can you answer my question?
SCOTTY
She's workin' just fine, now, sir. Glad to see that you're both unharmed.
KIRK and SPOCK exchange a meaningful glance.
SPOCK
Quite.
KIRK
Ready to beam over, Cap-Spock?
SPOCK
Ready when you are.
The two position themselves to be beamed. SCOTTY continues to look confused, but presses a few buttons and they dissolve. They materialize in the Romulan Ship. They look at each other for a moment.
SPOCK
Spock?
KIRK
Clearly, nothing has changed.
ROM COM
Changed? Were you expecting my ship to have been altered?
SPOCK
Of course not, we were talking-
KIRK
I was speaking about...Down to business.
ROM COM
Make yourselves comfortable, gentlemen.
She gestures to several decadent sofas/chairs and sits herself. SPOCK goes to sit, and starts to stretch out comfortably. He stops at a dangerous look from KIRK, and stiffens. KIRK sits next to him and tries to look somewhat comfortable.
ROM COM
Really, boys. I did say to make yourselves comfortable. How about a little drink, hm?
A Romulan officer appears holding a tray of drinks. SPOCK looks hopefully at them.
KIRK
No, we're fine. Back to the situation at hand.
ROM COM
Really, captain? I'd heard that you enjoyed life's little pleasures. I would have expected that answer from Spock, but you...
KIRK
This is a matter of much gravity. I do not wish to engage in pleasantries with you while there are lives at stake.
ROM COM looks disappointed. She's been doing her best to look seductive.
ROM COM
If we must. Spock, would you leave us? I'd prefer this little heart-to-heart to be between the captain and myself. You don't mind, do you?
SPOCK
I...I'd prefer that-
ROM COM
Oh, I'm not going to hurt him. Go on, Spock. I'm sure that my guards can...entertain you.
SPOCK looks at KIRK, who nods. He leaves the room and stands outside with two Romulan officers.
ROM COM
Now that we've got that meddlesome Vulcan out of the way...
She rises and sits next to KIRK. She inches closer.
ROM COM
You have quite a reputation, you know. The bravest, most charismatic, handsomest in Starfleet.
KIRK
Quite true.
ROM COM (laughing)
A bit full of ourselves, are we? Well, I can see why. Now, about that serum...
KIRK
What do you want it for?
ROM COM
So direct! I like that. Now, where are you hiding it?
ROM COM reaches over and touches near KIRK's belt. KIRK jumps violently and slides away.
KIRK
I-I don't have it on me.
ROM COM
What? Did you go back on your word? Tut tut!
KIRK
Of course not. The c-my first officer has it.
ROM COM
Oh, really? Well, how can I be sure that you haven't just kept it on you? Perhaps I should...check?
ROM COM leans over again and assaults KIRK. He can't hold her off this time, the crazy bitch, but who can blame her?
KIRK
Ca-Spock!
SPOCK bursts through the door, phaser out.
SPOCK
Spock!...is here...
Awkward pause is awkward. KIRK is pressed against the cushions of the sofa, ROM COM on top of him.
SPOCK
Uh, unhand him!
ROM COM
Well you're no fun!
KIRK slithers out of ROM COM's grip and stands. He moves nearer to SPOCK.
KIRK
Please make no attempt to touch me like that again.
SPOCK
I think we should get on with these negotiations, with me present.
ROM COM
Fine. Sit down.
SPOCK
I'd rather not. The fact remains that we are not willing to give up this serum.
ROM COM
Isn't that for your captain to decide?
SPOCK
Y-yes of course...
KIRK
Of course it is my decision, but I never make a decision without the consultation of my first officer. And I so happen to agree with him.
ROM COM
Well then, I'll just have to destroy this lovely little planet, won't I?
SPOCK pulls out his communicator.
SPOCK
Mr. Sulu, this is Spock. Prepare the Corbomite device. The Romulans are leaving us with little choice.
SULU (in an overly acted voice through the communicator)
But surely that is too destructive to use!
SPOCK
As I said, we have little choice. Prepare to fire on my signal.
ROM COM
That will not be necessary, gentlemen. I know you want to avoid killing as much as possible. I have no such sentiments, other than it is a slight bother. And all I want is that little vial.
KIRK
We can't give it to you without being sure of your motives.
ROM COM
Come now, what horrible things might I use it for? It's a cure, is it not?
KIRK
You know very well of it's destructive properties.
ROM COM
What if I gave you my word that it would only be used for medical, curative, purposes?
SPOCK
We can't trust your word.
ROM COM
Have I not disarmed my crew? Have I not removed our aim from the planet below at your request? Really, I think I am more trustworthy than you yourself, Spock.
SPOCK
We have kept our word completely.
ROM COM
Have you? Have you really, Vulcan? Corbomite is a feeble threat, a transparent bluff. You have no such weapon. How do I know that you've even brought the true Dionysus serum? Are you willing to prove it?
KIRK and SPOCK glance at each other nervously.
KIRK
If you have a sick crew-member, I invite you to bring us to them. We will administer the serum and prove its authenticity.
ROM COM
Oh really?
KIRK
Yes. Isn't it worth the life of one officer to be sure?
ROM COM
You are not like the Captain Kirk I have heard about. The Captain Kirk that would never risk the life of an innocent if he could help it. Perhaps your Vulcan is rubbing off on you.
KIRK
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
ROM COM
Very well. We'll test this serum. But if I find that you have deceived me...your Vulcan will die.
ROM COM pulls a phaser out of her uniform and points it at SPOCK. KIRK makes a desperate move forward, but catches himself.
ROM COM
Bit attached to him, I see. Well, then, let's go.
ROM COM leads them at phaser-point out of the room.