A CD skipping, it's the same hook repeating, grows more grating with each passing second...
Hey kids, ever felt like you don’t fit in?! Ever felt that untamed desire to be fully accepted and belong to a clique or conformist group of some sorts?! Ever wanted to belong to that oh-so elusive scene that you’ve only heard about from people in Atreyu hoodies, side-swept fringes and mucky eye-liner?! Well, today is your lucky day!
Here is a fool-proof list *wink* that should solve all your petty, ‘need-to-be-loved’ woes and will get you popular in no time!
Please note: You will have to relinquish your soul, true identity, and own sanity and sense of self-worth for this to work.
Lets go!
:: Buy yourself the following:
1. A bright pink and/or white belt.
2. If you are a boy, buy yourself some jeans that are actually for girls, so when you wear them, they are skin tight and make you look like the gender-confused mutant you’ve always aspired for. You’ll get that famed Eighteen Visions look in no time!
3. If you are a girl, you have two options. Firstly, buy yourself some big jeans that are actually for boys, so they will hang off your cute little behind and show off those undies you love so much with the broken hearts on them. If that fails, buy yourself a big frilly skirt thingy-ma-bob with loads of black beads hanging off them. Looking fine, girl!
4. Oh dear, your hair! It can’t look like that, it’s too different! Dude, you must turn it into not so much a normal hairstyle, but rather one gigantic fringe immaculately swept to one side. Sure, you won’t see a thing, but damn, you will look, LiKe, So FuCkInG HaWt!!!! 3< XxXxXxX
:: Name-check the following bands:
Silverstein, Hawthorne Heights, Eighteen Visions, Bullet For My Valentine, Blessed By A Broken Heart, Senses Fail, The Junior Varsity, Amber Pacific, The Black Mariah, Roses Are Red, Story Of The Year, Fall Out Boy and pretty much every other band who make bland, awful, tedious non-music and have lyrics along the lines of, ‘My heart has been poisoned by the acid of your infidelity. Excuse me while I slit my wrists to the sound of your betrayal. WHY?! WHY?!’
:: You will speak of said bands in nonsensical proclamations such as: “OMG, they are like, so fucking amazing!”, “I HEART them, their lyrics are so deep!’, ‘I love this band, those guys are really emo…“, “I didn’t know music could sound this HEAVY - the screaming is soooo cool!“ or, and this will score big popularity points among your new friends, “Their hair is the sex. I want to suck their cocks.”
:: Buy every album from the bands above, but no, don’t be a fool and actually listen to them, a cool kid like you wouldn’t do that - just put them in your CD rack and bring your friends over to show them. There ya go, you’re almost there now!
:: If any of those band come to your town to play a gig, then wow, it’s your time to shine! You will go to the gig, stand around where people can see you, looking moody but approachable, when the band come on, you will not pay attention and enjoy the show, because remember, you’re too cool for that! Instead you will just stand, and watch everyone have a good time, and later, you will boast about how you were there, even though there was no point in you being there at all. Hey, it’s the way of the scene kid after all *wink*. If you miss a gig by any of those bands, or band of a similar style, you have failed. You are kicked out from your group, no longer popular and you’re back to square one. YOU LOSER.
:: If any of your bands gain any amount of popularity or mainstream attention, then oh no, they aren’t cool anymore!!!! AHHHHHHH. You can’t listen to them anymore. At all. The band you once gushed over are now your enemy and you will badmouth them at any opportunity about how they supposedly ’sold out’. Shallow??? Never, it’s the way of the scene kid!
:: While using MSN or sending an email, you must type EvErYtHiNg LiKe ThIS, for it is cool, and in no way whatsoever moronic.
:: You will look down on, verbally assault, stare at, and abuse people who do not look like you, talk like you and act like you, for you are better than them. You are the be all and end all of the world. You are cool!!!!!!!!!!!!
There ya go, kiddo! Follow all this to the mark then by golly, you’ll be alone no longer - you will… FIT IN. Hurrah!
...
Anyone who is fuming at this and is in any way offended by my sarcastic, piss-take guide, please proceed to remove your head from your ass and get a sense of humour.
"Ohhhh, I'm so c-c-c-c-c-c-c-controversial."
I miss Brand New. Taking their sweet fucking time with a new album they are...
Here is a fool-proof list *wink* that should solve all your petty, ‘need-to-be-loved’ woes and will get you popular in no time!
Please note: You will have to relinquish your soul, true identity, and own sanity and sense of self-worth for this to work.
Lets go!
:: Buy yourself the following:
1. A bright pink and/or white belt.
2. If you are a boy, buy yourself some jeans that are actually for girls, so when you wear them, they are skin tight and make you look like the gender-confused mutant you’ve always aspired for. You’ll get that famed Eighteen Visions look in no time!
3. If you are a girl, you have two options. Firstly, buy yourself some big jeans that are actually for boys, so they will hang off your cute little behind and show off those undies you love so much with the broken hearts on them. If that fails, buy yourself a big frilly skirt thingy-ma-bob with loads of black beads hanging off them. Looking fine, girl!
4. Oh dear, your hair! It can’t look like that, it’s too different! Dude, you must turn it into not so much a normal hairstyle, but rather one gigantic fringe immaculately swept to one side. Sure, you won’t see a thing, but damn, you will look, LiKe, So FuCkInG HaWt!!!! 3< XxXxXxX
:: Name-check the following bands:
Silverstein, Hawthorne Heights, Eighteen Visions, Bullet For My Valentine, Blessed By A Broken Heart, Senses Fail, The Junior Varsity, Amber Pacific, The Black Mariah, Roses Are Red, Story Of The Year, Fall Out Boy and pretty much every other band who make bland, awful, tedious non-music and have lyrics along the lines of, ‘My heart has been poisoned by the acid of your infidelity. Excuse me while I slit my wrists to the sound of your betrayal. WHY?! WHY?!’
:: You will speak of said bands in nonsensical proclamations such as: “OMG, they are like, so fucking amazing!”, “I HEART them, their lyrics are so deep!’, ‘I love this band, those guys are really emo…“, “I didn’t know music could sound this HEAVY - the screaming is soooo cool!“ or, and this will score big popularity points among your new friends, “Their hair is the sex. I want to suck their cocks.”
:: Buy every album from the bands above, but no, don’t be a fool and actually listen to them, a cool kid like you wouldn’t do that - just put them in your CD rack and bring your friends over to show them. There ya go, you’re almost there now!
:: If any of those band come to your town to play a gig, then wow, it’s your time to shine! You will go to the gig, stand around where people can see you, looking moody but approachable, when the band come on, you will not pay attention and enjoy the show, because remember, you’re too cool for that! Instead you will just stand, and watch everyone have a good time, and later, you will boast about how you were there, even though there was no point in you being there at all. Hey, it’s the way of the scene kid after all *wink*. If you miss a gig by any of those bands, or band of a similar style, you have failed. You are kicked out from your group, no longer popular and you’re back to square one. YOU LOSER.
:: If any of your bands gain any amount of popularity or mainstream attention, then oh no, they aren’t cool anymore!!!! AHHHHHHH. You can’t listen to them anymore. At all. The band you once gushed over are now your enemy and you will badmouth them at any opportunity about how they supposedly ’sold out’. Shallow??? Never, it’s the way of the scene kid!
:: While using MSN or sending an email, you must type EvErYtHiNg LiKe ThIS, for it is cool, and in no way whatsoever moronic.
:: You will look down on, verbally assault, stare at, and abuse people who do not look like you, talk like you and act like you, for you are better than them. You are the be all and end all of the world. You are cool!!!!!!!!!!!!
There ya go, kiddo! Follow all this to the mark then by golly, you’ll be alone no longer - you will… FIT IN. Hurrah!
...
Anyone who is fuming at this and is in any way offended by my sarcastic, piss-take guide, please proceed to remove your head from your ass and get a sense of humour.
"Ohhhh, I'm so c-c-c-c-c-c-c-controversial."
I miss Brand New. Taking their sweet fucking time with a new album they are...