digression
It bums me out. I'm sure she's talking to her friends and they are telling her I'm an asshole. She is agreeing with them. Getting over it. That's fine I guess. I know how it works. They don't know a damn thing about me but I won't argue with them. I am sort of an asshole, but not for the reasons they tell her I am.
This whole situation is bringing out everything I've hated about our relationship. The misunderstandings, the fights, the drama, all this self destructive bullshit, most of it designed to make the other person feel bad. Throughout this whole affair I start feeling more lonely, start thinking that she never understood me. I broke her heart and she will be sure that I am in a world of pain for it. She will stomp and tear that little part of me that still cares about her until it is no more. And it's almost gone. I wasn't over her when I gave her a ride home, or spent the night, or called her to see how she was doing.
she is over me. that's what she doesn't realize. she doesn't give a fuck about me. she wants to succeed just so she can rub it in my face. she hates me. she will remind me, constantly, of how difficult I've made her life and how unhappy she is and how cynical i've made her and how she can't go on without me. and she knows that it hurts me to hear that. it sucks to have someone blame you for all this negative shit in their life
she doesn't love me anymore. if she says she does she is lying to you or herself.
and then I wonder if she ever did love me, or if I was just some Thing that made her happy. There is a difference. when you love someone you trust them. you ask questions before screaming "asshole!" When you love someone you don't try to hurt them. You do what you can to make them happy, even if they hurt you.
Maybe her mom and her ex boyfriends were like that, always trying to get back at her, like some kind of fucking game. But that doesn't matter. She should see that and be bigger than that.
I've been feeling like a Thing lately. A Thing who is warm and gives her rides and makes her feel good and cuddles up close and sleeps. A Thing who's emotions need no consideration. A Thing who is as predictable as other guys. A Thing who needs nothing in return. And she's mad at me for taking that Thing away from her. she wants me to pay. and i have. I've paid with the part of my heart that cared for her. and I'm done. I'm done with taking it in and taking it in and not getting pissed off about it. I'm done with feeling shitty. I'm done with caring, because right now she is using that to hurt me.
it bums me out
This whole situation is bringing out everything I've hated about our relationship. The misunderstandings, the fights, the drama, all this self destructive bullshit, most of it designed to make the other person feel bad. Throughout this whole affair I start feeling more lonely, start thinking that she never understood me. I broke her heart and she will be sure that I am in a world of pain for it. She will stomp and tear that little part of me that still cares about her until it is no more. And it's almost gone. I wasn't over her when I gave her a ride home, or spent the night, or called her to see how she was doing.
she is over me. that's what she doesn't realize. she doesn't give a fuck about me. she wants to succeed just so she can rub it in my face. she hates me. she will remind me, constantly, of how difficult I've made her life and how unhappy she is and how cynical i've made her and how she can't go on without me. and she knows that it hurts me to hear that. it sucks to have someone blame you for all this negative shit in their life
she doesn't love me anymore. if she says she does she is lying to you or herself.
and then I wonder if she ever did love me, or if I was just some Thing that made her happy. There is a difference. when you love someone you trust them. you ask questions before screaming "asshole!" When you love someone you don't try to hurt them. You do what you can to make them happy, even if they hurt you.
Maybe her mom and her ex boyfriends were like that, always trying to get back at her, like some kind of fucking game. But that doesn't matter. She should see that and be bigger than that.
I've been feeling like a Thing lately. A Thing who is warm and gives her rides and makes her feel good and cuddles up close and sleeps. A Thing who's emotions need no consideration. A Thing who is as predictable as other guys. A Thing who needs nothing in return. And she's mad at me for taking that Thing away from her. she wants me to pay. and i have. I've paid with the part of my heart that cared for her. and I'm done. I'm done with taking it in and taking it in and not getting pissed off about it. I'm done with feeling shitty. I'm done with caring, because right now she is using that to hurt me.
it bums me out