(no subject)
holy cow. i havent written on here in forever. well i choose a shitty time to do so because im in a hurry. well everything is going good i passed all my classes this semester and i did it in 1 quarter. im kinda bummbed that i didnt get my meds sooner like in junior high, because i couldve done so much better and been on track and where im supposed to be. i could be an A and B student. i freaking got an A in english i raised a D to an A in one quarter! i rock. anyways well i just started my other meds. and they seem to be working too. im kinda scared i'll get dependant on them and have to take them for the rest of my life. but the addorall has helped soo much. it totally changed alot and im so happy now. im dont feel sad and useless anymore. and the other medicine is taking away all my anxiety and im not afraid of having an attack anymore. now the only thing i need to do is make some friends and not only make but hang out with my old ones.
i was talking to someone the other day and i realiized that my "druggie friends" me included in the druggie part. well they were the bestest friends ive ever had and the only ones i could totally and completely trust. normal people would think that drugs destroy your life and friends and blah. well they probably do in the end and if its that much a part of your life. but those friends were always there for me when i needed to talk about how sad i was or lonely or whatever. they would try their hardest to cheer me up and be there for me and they actually liked me for me and made me feel good about being me. and i miss them. i feel like crap when i think about how i just ditched them one day. i just needed to get out of that environment not just drugs but friends. i needed to take care of me and i did. i really wish we still hung out. and i dont like only hanging out with spencer i swear i really dont. i miss buying people christmas gifts or being able to do something nice for someone. or them doing something nice for me.i miss people coming to me for advice and i miss just hanging out with them being dumb. i wish i would freaking have my new car by now because that is really the only thing keeping me from hanging out with people.
so im sorry for being the way i was and being annoying all the time.
rachel, taylor, sam, steve, steven, cristy, catherine,amber, madison all of you guys i miss you like crazy.
thanks for everything. i love ya!!!!
later kelly k
i was talking to someone the other day and i realiized that my "druggie friends" me included in the druggie part. well they were the bestest friends ive ever had and the only ones i could totally and completely trust. normal people would think that drugs destroy your life and friends and blah. well they probably do in the end and if its that much a part of your life. but those friends were always there for me when i needed to talk about how sad i was or lonely or whatever. they would try their hardest to cheer me up and be there for me and they actually liked me for me and made me feel good about being me. and i miss them. i feel like crap when i think about how i just ditched them one day. i just needed to get out of that environment not just drugs but friends. i needed to take care of me and i did. i really wish we still hung out. and i dont like only hanging out with spencer i swear i really dont. i miss buying people christmas gifts or being able to do something nice for someone. or them doing something nice for me.i miss people coming to me for advice and i miss just hanging out with them being dumb. i wish i would freaking have my new car by now because that is really the only thing keeping me from hanging out with people.
so im sorry for being the way i was and being annoying all the time.
rachel, taylor, sam, steve, steven, cristy, catherine,amber, madison all of you guys i miss you like crazy.
thanks for everything. i love ya!!!!
later kelly k